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ilya / 17 weeks pregnant shane and their fetus bonding

Ilya thinking he’s about to embark on a sexcation only to be bombarded by cutieful Shane Hollander with plans to spend the rest of their lives together which effectively alters Ilya’s brain chemistry to be The Boyfriend of all time is straight up the funniest thing about heated rivalry

sleepyloon

Personally i think a flavor of this is that literally up until shane says "i would really like to relax with you, for once," ilya is very much under the impression that he is like, an alpha being dragged to his omega's secret den to be used like a sentient sex doll for 2 weeks and that Shane only wants dick from him and he is "fine with that" and "willing to have whatever shane will give him" until the end of time

Except then shane is like no, this is my comfort place, and now its yours too, and I am so giddy to see you here I cant see straight and yes im a little hard about it but mostly I just want to exist with you with no pretense of running out the door in a few short hours hey by the way dont marry svetlana even for a green card, I have a better idea--

And ilya is so starstruck by this 180 of his expectations from being here to provide orgasms to spending the rest of his life with this man that he loses his grip on himself and says I love you first and then panics but then shane says it back and holds him while he sobs and they can never go back from this

medrawawi

ilyrozanov

two beautiful boys and their wonderful mothers, because representation matters.

marylenjackson

Love BTS photos by @chronicintrovert

They have atmosphere and magic in them

sunnypeachyy

omg. 🧎‍♀️

madamoisellemabry

#myilya has a reputation for being openly a giant gossip about other players. and like, not that that’s not canon, but there’s some faction of girls who are lesbians into hockey who call it for what dude bros never would - rozanov isn’t chirping just on the ice, he’s openly mean girling with other players off the ice too. roz “wendy williams” rozanov becomes a trending thing a few times over the course of his career, with brainrot memes about “wendy williams was pregnant with roz here” to match.

a video by a fan of him and cliff marleau talking INSANE shit on the bench resurfaces after The Outing, and the internet starts up on its usual bullshit of how ilya is too fun for shane again. the usual “oh it’s so sad that roz doesn’t have someone to match his energy” and “hollander is so boring what does a guy who talks like this even see in that”.

anyway, svetlana (who cares less about shane’s hockey image and letting him remain untarnished than ilya does—she’s smart and also a minority so she feels less guilt about pushing shane on it) catches wind of this. one day, out of actually fucking nowhere it’s just some wednesday, she posts a video from the cottage. shes been invited to stay the week to babysit shane who is out on IR, and they’re watching a centaurs vs. guardians game.

the camera is shaky, and held low, and at first you can only hear shane in the background, but then he becomes visible at an odd angle. he’s got his injured ankle up on the couch, he’s wearing a really low cut tank top and a slutty pair of shorts. he is also mid rant about “— and if your entire team is still falling apart to this level TWO YEARS LATER just because you lost one good player and another caught a case, then you have to ask yourself what’s f****** wrong with the f****** coaches. i mean, mathewson is an ugly son of a b**** but i didn’t realize he was f****** stupid too. and we’re not even playing well, smith is just that much of a f****** sieve. maybe if he put half as much weight into moving towards the puck as he puts into pushing his wife around — you’d like her by the way-“

the video goes viral instantaneously. people cannot believe that captain hollander is this mean, but devoted hockey fans also keep quoting it, shocked because he’s RIGHT. some girl who’s been a roz fan since boston tweets, “roz will chirp to piss you off, but hollzy will kill your family because he finds you disrespectful to the sport.”

the only response anyone can get out of the rozanov-hollanders is ilya retweeting that post.

gaygoatshane

me digging through my tote bag

midnightchapter

INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE | THE VAMPIRE LESTAT — 1.07 “The Thing Lay Still” — 3.07 “The Failures”

waldemarstr

Have we considered that between Ilya Slavanov and Mr. Autism 3000 this is probably how they look to the outside world even when they're as happy as can be 😭

lavenderprose

My absolute gospel truth and I'm sorry this is so sappy but--where I'm living, Ilya fully changes his name to Hollander when they get married, like just fully legally changes it. And despite the fact that he continues to use Rozanov professionally ("Just like J. Lo," Ilya says.) everyone who knows them personally obviously knows what Ilya's legal name is and also assume it's a way to kind of stick it to his shitheel father. To this end, and kind of as a joke at first, people start referring to their two-person unit as The Hollanders ("Okay, the Hollanders are in room 508" etc.) but it becomes steadily less and less a joke when neither Shane or Ilya really seems to think of it as one. Ilya especially seems to genuinely love it. He'll say shit like "Oh yes the Hollanders will be there" when asked if they're coming to a barbecue like they live in a postcard. He LOVES to give his name as Ilya Hollander and he LOVES to book reservations under 'Misters Hollander' and he LOVES to say the words 'Shane and Ilya Hollander' out loud with his mouth. I also think that for their last game together in the league Ilya and Shane wear jerseys that say S. Hollander 24 and I. Hollander 81 and it's like. An end of an era type thing. And they frame the jerseys.