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[bpdhoney]

shit im sorry i never use tumblr anymore and completely forgot that the last thing i posted on this blog was a suicidal vent 😬 im okay i quit my job instead of killing myself and im waiting to get an appointment with a psychiatrist to adjust my medication. i know ive been rly inactive for like years now anyway so i dont think anyone was really worried or anything but i got a couple messages so i figured id say hi im alive

[bpdhoney]

i tried to buy black market barbiturates online today for over a thousand dollars so i could kill myself but it was too complicated and sketchy so now im researching how much cough medicine i'll have to take for it to be lethal hows your 2020 going

[bpdhoney]

my therapist made an offhand comment basically saying that bpd wasnt real during our session today and now i feel like ass. i texted to ask for clarification and she said it's a very gendered diagnosis and she has a problem with that. saying that 99% of the time only afab people are diagnosed with bpd while cis men are diagnosed with ptsd. which is a valid criticism but i feel so invalidated and confused since shes the one who diagnosed me with bpd in the first place???? idk i just feel like crying

[sustainablefarming-deactivated2]

realizing that an experience was actually traumatizing

[anxietyproblem]

[grifalinas]

I don’t know if anyone needs to hear this but “we all respond to trauma in different ways, not just pretty palatable ways” and “we are accountable for our own actions, even actions born from trauma” are not contradictory statements

[miseducatedmelanicmuse]

Great advice right here.

[paradoxpig]

*microwave dings*

[bpdhoney]

me, age 13: life is hard and dumb and i'm sad all the time but i bet when im older i'll look back on when i was feeling like this and think about how silly and unimportant it all was

me, age 16: life is hard and dumb and i'm sad all the time but i bet when im older i'll look back on when i was feeling like this and think about how far ive come

me, age 19: life is hard and dumb and i'm sad all the time but i bet when im older i'll look back on when i was feeling like this and think about how glad i am that i made it through

me, now: life will always be hard and dumb and i wish i'd succeeded at killing myself in high school

[bpdhoney]

i miss when i was more active on here when i was "bpdrelatablefeels" and i got lots of asks and people talking to me and submitting posts and stuff :( i had soooo many tumblr friends when i was in high school and i havent talked to most if not all of them in months or even years and i really miss them. send me messages ask me questions ramble to me abt ur day if u want im lonely and i miss talking to people

[9havindat]

all i think about is love. why does this consume me

[fereldang]

i am not the same person i was 18 minutes ago.

[katzebruh]

I am now slightly worse

[brutalnightmare-deactivated2023]

[miniangel]

im yearning for companionship! im desperate for proclamations of love! i crave warmth in all aspects! i wanna know you care! 

[yuyuuyuyuu-deactivated20230726]

[bpdhoney]

i started sobbing because i want to kill myself but theres so many people in my life who care about me that i cant. i want to die so badly and i cant cope with anything in my life but i think about how my sister would feel if i killed myself and i just lose it which means im trapped here miserable with no escape route. i need to escape feeling like this but i cant because i cant fucking die. and im like, mad at my family and friends for not letting me be as unloved as i deserve to be so i can just kill myself without hurting anyone. i have no idea how to reconcile these feelings of knowing that im not supposed to be alive and nothing will help me other than ceasing to exist and knowing that i cant do it. i cant do the one thing that will actually help. its hell. im living in hell.

[dumbbadger-deactivated-deactiva]

rip to people who love their interests a normal amount but i’m different, intense, and annoying :)