Journey into a black hole

Mackenzie 💘 Baby Riddle'18 👣 Tennessee😊😝 Always gonna be you ✨

[asphyxiated-elaboration]

2:54 pm

my problem with drugs is that they’re always there when no one else is,

in the stillness of dawn, 

when the world is wet with dew, 

and the smoke rolls amongst the fog,

and the powder drains,

as you fill your veins, 

and for a moment,

it’s as if there is no one else left in the world,

other than you.

and in this absent stillness in which you find yourself,

you suddenly remember what is was like to feel at home. 

[o-xytocin]

heroin, she‘s a tricky one…

she will see your pain and beg you for one chance to make it better. you hesitate. thinking it‘s impossible for anything to be powerful enough to quiet the world within you. but when that powder hits your veins, it sucks you in like a vacuum. “i told you“, she smirks. “just one more high and one more after that. you need me!“, she says. “your soul is in too much pain and this one little shot will make it all go away.“ she grips you like shackles in the cement. there‘s no place to go. she promises to take care of you and maybe you believe her. so you put your life in her hands and tell her to keep you safe.

heroin, she‘s a powerful devil.

you think she just dabs a bad out of your life, like bleach on a spoiled white t-shirt, but soon you feel nothing. nothing at all. not the good, not the bad. you sleep through the sunrises and you‘re still sleeping when the sun sets. you miss life. you miss living. so you try. you try to fight her off just for a day or maybe just for one hour. but your bones ache; your body sweats; your soul screams: “why is it so cold without her?!“ you would take back your initial pain any day; the one that you were so quick to numb. that pain seems so minuscule now that you‘re face to face with the demon she‘s created. because while she was numbing your pain, she wasn‘t stopping it or even slowing it down. she was the wax on a slide, throwing you to the bottom that much faster. with her your pain only grew. intensifying and forcing itself to be noticed until her high couldn‘t possibly quiet it anymore. and what does that say? when the pain you‘re fighting overpowers the high of heroin?! she lied to you. she has since the beginning. she cannot quit your pain, she only makes it grow like a fertilizer. she will not take care of you. she will still everything you once were and try her hardest to never let you go. some of us never escape her; some of us barely do.

[opiatesandspeed]

My fear is that when I make enough money to get out of the place i’m in right now I will just go back and start using again... Not that I necessarily don’t want to or do want to... I just wish the people around me understood what being sober is like to someone who is an addict... It’s fucking boring and a constant nagging thought process to try to not think about getting high.

[malamea]

Sometimes I just stop and think “holy shit. I beat heroin addiction” - and in active addiction, when I was at my wits end on day 3 of withdrawals, out of my fucking mind with pain and other symptoms, I 100% considered ending it all. Got to the point multiple times where I made the choice to do it, but didn’t. I didn’t stop because of fear but because of everyone else in my life- how the hell would they feel? I can convince myself as much as I want that they wouldn’t care or they’d get over it quick but that just wasn’t true. The fact that I made the choice to continue suffering day in and day out for OTHER peoples feelings, idk I think that’s pretty strong. For the off chance one day I would get better and get through this- my odds weren’t great compared to most heroin/fentanyl IV users, but I went against the odds anyways.

Idk. When I’m feeling down, I just need to remember the absolute hell I went through. The withdrawals were hell enough, but everything else I endured and experienced during that time was just an added torture to my hell. I should be in a mental institution completely having lost my mind to shield myself from the things I saw/endured but I’m still here. Mind, soul and body. Idk 🤷‍♀️ I’m a bad Bitch lol

[der-eremitw]

If opiates could talk they'd definitly sound like Lana Del Rey

[vvordv0mit]

i think about drugs all day, wanting them, doing them, not having them, how they feel, look, taste, im

[the-lowz-of-highz]

How you found out about heroin

I saw that drug free commercial with the girl holding the frying pan smashing the egg saying “this is your brain on heroin” and smashing all the dishes and everything else in the kitchen saying “and this is what happens to your body and what your family goes through, any questions?” And I thought “Fuck man, I too could be like that egg. I gotta try some of this stuff!” So that night when I went to bed I hoped that one day I would find some. The next morning I woke to an uncomfortable lump under my pillow. I lifted my pillow and to my surprise my wish came true! The heroin fairy delivered me some H in the middle of the night. I then proceeded directly to interveinous drug use and I felt the warm rush come over me. The heroin fairy stopped showing up in the middle of the night and I then realized I had to start buying my own drugs. I sold my soul, my most prized possessions, and even an organ of mine on the black market to pay for my habit. But it wasn’t enough. I lost all I had to this addiction and eventually ended up homeless and living in a tent, sitting here in my little tent replying to your question with this story.

[the-lowz-of-highz]

Omg, I totally forgot about writing this. 🤣

[injected-heroin]

fuck i love sitting up after a good nod to hear my home girl ask if i'm straight and smile big as fuck when i say yea

[perpetualdawn-blog1]

UGHHHHHH

Sometimes I think about going back. Going back to the life I used to live, shooting dope with no worry about if I wind up dead, not caring that my license was suspended and the car I had was technically stolen. I’ve been sober about 7 months from the needle. Some days are really hard thinking about all the people I left behind when I left that life.

Sometimes I think that now it’s different, I could do it without losing everything to it like I did the first time. I’m smarter than that though but I do wish I could feel that rush again and build those friendships I had again.

I feel so fucking stupid for thinking this way, I know it’s not right, I’ll drown in my addiction like I did before.

[theoneyouabandoned]

And then he loaded that needle with something far stronger than he had ever done.. He was determined to stop the pain for good...

[quotespile]

“The questions, of course, could be asked: Why did you ever try narcotics? Why did you continue using it long enough to become an addict? You become a narcotics addict because you do not have strong motivations in the other direction. Junk wins by default. I tried it as a matter of curiosity. I drifted along taking shots when I could score. I ended up hooked. Most addicts I have talked to report a similar experience. They did not start using drugs for any reason they can remember. They just drifted along until they got hooked.”

— William S. Burroughs, Junkie

[tweakedperspective]

I only go on Tumblr when I’m really sad or really high

[aworldofhurt-deactivated2021121]

God works in mysterious ways TO YOU. I get it though

[h0rr0rble]

has anyone figured out what the fucking point is yet

[thoughtkick]

“Until you heal the wounds of your past, you are going to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex; but eventually it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hand inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past - the memories - and make peace with them.”

— Iyanla Yanzant

[dispone]

i prefer to distance myself whenever i’m in a bad mood because i’ll become the most heartless person you’ll ever meet.

[sadjunkiebaby-blog]

“I’ve been fucked over by the devil too many times to believe in angels.”

— Hira (via hedonistpoet)