ādonāt do that. donāt shut me out.ā
For once she is grateful that everyone else has left. It is much easier to be cold than when she has the prying eyes of people like Chamber, Sova and Jett on her. Some days she is reminded she should not be here, that they are better than her, better people and fighters.
But that does not make her feel like she has less value. Sage is much the same and while it is part of their constant friction she can not stop herself from these moments. There is something inside of her this rage that at times can not be contained. The lid of her body is not enough to hold it.
There was a time, one she remembers fondly when they were close. When she could share so many things with Sage, but it had been shattered. So much of what made her Sabine had been shattered because of Valorant, because of Kingdom, because of this war.
She wasn't totally sure who she was some days. All she had was her lab and memories now. The rage too.
āYou do not get to decide when I am your friend again.ā
Perhaps she was being too harsh to her. Each interaction like eggshells for them both. She cared, she did truly, the times where she had a moment to breathe to pretend what had happened was simply a nightmare. She felt ok, she felt as if the world was ok but it was a fairytale.
Someone like Sabine, no not like Sabine, like Viper could not live in those. Expendability could only go so far and she knew there were limitations. Sage had hers, and she still never thought about them. No consequences could be suffered due to her hand.
She scoffs at the thought. Her frame marching through their base trailed by the pathetic little bird behind her. What a joke, pleading for her to tear down the walls.
Sage had done this to herself. Between her, between Omen, even Brimstone of all people, they should know she should not be pushed. Things had to be on her terms she needed them to be. She had to have control.
It is only the moment that she speaks again to not be shut out that her feet halt. A pin could drop at the silence that now resonated with the halt of foot steps. The only movement or sound from the involuntary twitches within her own digits. Her body betraying her and her skills.
Laughter follows, melodic and pitiful as finally the woman turns. Emerald gaze slowly trailing over Sage as if she were about to be consumed wholly.
āYou shut yourself out the moment you were unable to help me. The moment you failed me. You did that. I am not the bad guy, I may carry myself that way but you made me this way. ā
She knows rationally it was not just Sage. It was Kingdom, Omen, Brimstone, this war, her own heart and her own issues. But Sage, that had splintered into such a large fracture. The losses she had taken, the times she struggled to look in the mirror were built on promises Sage could not deliver. That was her fault. It had to be.
It was insane to sit here, to play all this kindness and still be made into a bad guy because she refused to let herself make the same mistake again. Loyalty was all she wanted, actions that matched that and Sage had proved she could not deliver that.
God forbid she has her own moral compass that did not match Brimstone's golden children. God forbid she exist as someone else.
āActions mean something, so does failure. I will work with you, and respect the way the younger agents look at you but do not mistake my kindness. You are nothing to me. You will remain nothing and my walls will remain.ā
It comes out like venom, much more intense than she intended. The hurt is still fresh, but that meant it was real. The care, the way she had felt and the betrayal she felt. She wanted to be friends. She wished things could go back to normal but it felt impossible.
Her head tilted for only a moment as she looked to Sage. Forgiveness needed to be earned and she was far from it. She kept making the same mistakes. The definition of insanity, she thinks, that is what Sage is doing to herself.
āGo celebrate with the others. I am not here for a pity party, I have work to do for Lucia. You make mistakes you learn. Or in your case you continue to fail me like you did then. ā