and.umm @boy-egg - Tumblr Blog

it is,

Strung so tight,

Coils woven around a fine point.

I vomit in hopes you’ll catch my confession spilling out of the bile and not just wince at the sight.

I tighten, contourt my organs to the suffocation.

I hope you see right through me.

I hope you do.

rest.

I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to be anything.

not right now. I want rest. My body craves it.

it craves a reset. A healing only laying flat and closing my eyes will bring.

I don’t want to be burdened by what I could be accomplishing.

I don’t want to be guilted into movement.

I want rest.

uninterrupted, unproductive, r e s t.

I can tell that after years of survival, I need more rest than this capitalist society will allow.

Why am I so Fucking delusional bitch shut the fuck up please fuck for once

wish I could twist shut the part of my mind that has always run as it pleases.

angry at myself. I think I’m angry at you, but I’m really angry at myself.

I see it all so clearly now. I see the pattern. All I can do is watch in disbelief. I try not to argue with myself anymore. I just listen. But goddamn, I’m angry.

anxeious

leahberman

sky blossoms

instagram - twitter - website

hey, I just came across your Feb 22 post and wanted to check in. Is this a "i hate late late stage capitalism" post or a "I have a plan to end things' post or somewhere in between?

Your friendly neighborhood mom-friend/stranger

it’s an “I hate being alive, would off myself, but stay I because offing myself would hurt the ones I love and I care about them more than my suffering”

If that clarifies anything

qcharlie

i think being able to identify and deconstruct an irrational feeling should make it go away. i literally solved your riddle puzzle master can u let me OUT the damn TORTURE LABYRINTH

When the bell tolls

You weep

At the beauty of life

I weep

Because to breath is to witness you

The sun she moves

And we all applause

Your breath quickens

And I start to feel things I never have before

You’re more than a memory

You’re me facing my fears

You terrify me

And now I understand why

it comes in waves, and rightfully so

This is why it’s hard to forgive you

I don’t actually feel like you’re sorry

I feel like you think it was justified what you did.

Or that it didn’t mean anything.

Bullshit.

It meant something to you.

Otherwise you wouldn’t have done it the way you did.

One minute I forgive you.

The next I feel like I’m robbing myself of rightful anger.

That I forgive too easily, and I need to have more self respect.

That you knew exactly what you were doing, and I didn’t fucking matter.

Because back then, I didn’t matter to you.

I feel like you perpetuate a lie just for the sake of self preservation.

Just so I don’t think poorly of you.

I feel like as soon as I start to believe your side of the story, I’m being fooled.

The truthful narrative seems very blatant. But it then poses you as a liar and a manipulator. What if I’m wrong? Then I would have pushed you away for nothing.

I can’t get these sticky thoughts out of my head long enough to deeply love you.

I can’t bring myself to forgive and forget bcause i feel like forgetting is abandoning my intuition. Abandoning the voices screaming that you’re up to no good. That you won’t hold my heart with integrity and care. That you’ll always hide away the truth and tell me it’s because you love me.

bullshit.

ladymirdan

Being alive is so excruciating, exhausting, and burdensome. I don’t want this.

ladymirdan

the most confusing feeling is wanting to be single yet come home to you.

when does that feeling end?

the deep desire for physical touch is real.

choose what you suffer for and who

There’s a longing that presses against my gut.

It pokes and prods, curious of how much I can take.

There’s an ache only past versions of me know how to fulfill.

But this is a sowing season, there is no room for turning back.

I’m learning to create a new prophecy.

One that rids me of the curse of “what was”.

“What is,” that is my grounding force.

“What can be,” that is my motive.

Momentum steeps to just the right degree

The one where it can find me on my knees as I pray to the god within, above and below me.

I succumb to the art of surrender, so that I may find you again.

May I find you in every lifetime.

Again, again, and again.

February 17, 2026 10:48pm

Why did you treat me that way

If you didn’t mean it?

If you didn’t believe those things you said

When there was no incentive to have a filter?

Your words, glances, and actions ring though my skull louder than any “I love you”.

I always felt inferior, especially to your past. I never felt or believed the love you said you had for me because I saw how you were with someone else that you were in love with. I could never feel that same authenticity of it when it came to me. Especially because how you treated me before.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Is it really that black and white?

Is it really the end?

Did you really love me or did you convince yourself you did?

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