Boy Wander (ing)

Just somewhere in between.

[boywandering]

I'm trying to squeeze out a few words here and there that remind me of what it was like to yearn, creatively.

I'm trying to remember

I'm trying to yearn again

[boywandering]

I used to know what it felt like to write, once upon a time where I'd sit staring at the lines grasping at metaphors that seem just out of reach of these stunted arms of mine and I used to frolic and play on words and punctuate the silences with littered alliteration but these days I struggle to string together more than three multisyllabic words in a sentence and I fear I can't find that piece of my soul or that spark that brought joy

[boywandering]

She never really cared much for me

Except when she drank vodka water

Or a few glasses of Chardonnay

Then our legs were a patchwork quilt

As she whispered that I was her person

When the big hand struck two

Her little hand struck mine

The witching hour was bewitching

And I was fooled every night

But the sun revealed the truth

Vegas is beautiful at night lit up

With makeup and dresses

But daybreak exposes the city’s sins

She never loved me in the morning

[boywandering]

I’ve lost my way

[boywandering]

I think of you quite often

[boywandering]

You were mine, once when the sun was low and the nights were long when the moon lit our way You were mine, once when your flesh pressed against mine with hunger and lust became love You were mine, once when the days became weeks when familiarity bred comfort and two became one You were mine, once and as nights turn to days and the feet turn to miles mine became yours

[boywandering]

Wish I had you to talk to.

[boywandering]

With my fingers, I traced every scar  a patchwork quilt of painful memories  and you hated them, like cracks on  the shattered glass on a mirror  meant to portray beauty but instead betrayed  but to me they are the brushstrokes,  the intent and the beauty that tells  your tale of the struggle, of how real,  of how bittersweet your life is, I take  every piece of you and inhale every part of the beauty and the beast, of the pleasure and the pain  for what is light without darkness,  what is love without hate  what am I without you?

[boywandering]

Being in love with someone who for some reason or any other doesn’t love you is like taking the hottest coals and pouring them down your throat to swallow fire and somehow survive; like kissing sunfire and lasting until the moon rises. But when daylight caresses your broken body you will find the strength to carry on

[boywandering]

The worst part of getting to know you  was that with every bit of you I learned  there was more of me that I had forgotten  and there was a little less of me left behind

[boywandering]

I studied you like a textbook  poring over every page  analyzing every line  every scar a story  every quirk a tale  every fleck in your eye  another mystery to be solved  every angle and curve  of your body a poem  every callous a monologue  and I read every single one  with the fervor of a sinner  seeking redemption  but you’ve never read a  word of mine, have you?

[boywandering]

Just shut up and kiss me

[boywandering]

You were my twenty-ninth of February,  my once in every four years  except this time I feel I’ve been waiting  for about six or seven  and each and every time that I see you,  look into your amber eyes  I will always remember you as the only  one that ever got away. 

[boywandering]

I just want you to know  that I still love you and I always will.

[boywandering]

I missed your words.

I missed writing them. That’s why I came back. I missed you as well. 

BW

[boywandering]

I'm tired of your bullshit. There's the door.

[boywandering]

I'm so happy to see you posting again <3

I'm happy that you're reading, love.

BW