Sick Of Living

26/ trans man/ He/him Side account for venting and triggering/NSFW content 18+ only Just block if you don’t want to see anything here I have bpd, depression, anxiety, and ptsd. Tw: alcohol, sh, sui

[bpdhorrorshow]

I don’t want to be like this anymore…

[bpdhorrorshow]

I can feel myself slipping into delusions again… I feel so detached from my body.. reality is slipping, but I keep fighting it for him

[bpdhorrorshow]

Me telling my boyfriend I feel guilty because I have bpd, and that means a life time of him dealing with my severe ups and downs and unstable destructive episodes. And his response being that it just makes him want to love and care for me more, and that he would never leave because of it

WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE YOU BEAUTIFUL BITCH!?!?

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

I can feel the emptiness inside of me.

[bpdradio]

bpd is so unbearably lonely. you never feel like anyone loves you because they only care about the sanitized idea of you, the one you made up so people don't abandon you again. as soon as your messy symptoms show, suddenly you're not nearly as loveable. having bpd is to spend your whole life trying desperately to make yourself more palatable

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

Will these thoughts ever stop?

[porcelainbunniies]

i don't feel well and i'd really like to hurt myself

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

Do people understand that when you say “I’m tired” it doesn’t mean “I didn’t get enough sleep last night” or “I need more physical energy”?

It means I am drained. I have been fighting through each day just to wake up and do it again. I am tired of existing in a world where everything feels like a struggle and nothing feels right. I am tired of fighting negative thoughts. I am tired of waking up.

[tachylyte]

[bpdhorrorshow]

I communicated my feelings with him.. and he understood..? He said he would change his behavior to make me feel comfortable..? He still loves me and wants to stay..?

Fuck I’m crying…

[bpdhorrorshow]

For once in my life I haven’t been experiencing chronic emptiness. I guess this is what it feels like to be actually loved

[elysiumwhispers]

you said you were cold so I gave you my coat.

you said you were cold so i gave you my sweater.

you said you were cold so i gave you my shirt.

you said you were cold so i gave you my skin.

you said you were cold so i let you light me on fire.

At least you were finally warm.

[dolldamnedd]

one large mocha xanax vodka latte with whipped cream and valium sprinkles please

[bpdhorrorshow]

He woke me up at 5 am crying. All I could do was hold him and tell him it’s ok until he calmed down. He was so afraid I was going to leave because of his trauma. I just held him tighter. The men that left when things got rough, when there was nothing but darkness clouding you.. they’re all just fucking pussys.. I’ll walk hand in hand with him through the darkness until we see light. I’ll be a beacon of hope in your sea of woes.

I’ve never met a man so beautiful

[bpdhorrorshow]

How is it possible that you love me, and say I’m beautiful and full of light, when I feel like a disgusting monster

[yourgirlinpieces]

yeah alcohol is cool but have you ever been someone's first choice? me neither. pass the bottle.

[arrgh-whatever]

[psychotic-tbh]

This kind of overthinking is so real and this post heals my lil anxious/paranoid/OCD mind 😊