ARTificial @brandirhbruce - Tumblr Blog

2 years later...

So I didn’t realize it’s been over 2 years since I posted on Tumblr. Life has been extremely crazy and I’m not even going to get into it. But this morning I was feeling some type of way so I just wanted to write a ‘Thank You’ letter to the masses out there who I have had to deal with over the last eternity of my life...

Thank you...

To those of you have neglected, abandoned and abused my kindness. To those of you who have me in their lives whenever it’s convenient for them. To those of you who aren’t genuinely concerned about what I go through every day, and just - bless you’re heart - pretend until I become useful.

Thank you...

To those of you who only use me as a stepladder as you build your business. To those of you who everyday bleed my good work ethic dry as I kill myself over and over again to reach points in my career that are pivotal for me. May not be for you - but are genuine steps forward for me.

Thank you...

To those of you who have chased me from my own places of comfort so that you can be who you want to be everyday. To those of you who have pivoted me against people I thought I could love and trust - you’ve only shone me their true colors and made me realize that I no longer give a fuck. Their choices are not mine. If they don’t have time for me, I can find somewhere else to be where I can enjoy myself. It has brought me one tiny baby step forward in a long process of learning how to love myself again.

Thank you...

To the constant emotional and verbal abuse. It has pushed me to be stronger every day. To make me realize that it’s not me that is the problem, it is them. It causes me to push myself harder everyday, to put myself deeper into my passions and to evolve me onto bigger and better levels. And it is showing me more and more who should be there when I start crossing those bigger lines.

Thank you...

To those of you who think, “Well she’s strong enough, she doesn’t need any support.” I’m not. But I am gradually becoming that person, and it is with NO THANKS to you. Which means, I have to say thank you because I won’t have to give a fuck about you once I reach the goals I have set over my lifetime.

Today I woke up and realized that the people I want in my life are simply that... wanted. But not needed. I don’t need anyone to get through my day to day. And so today I shed some skin. Again. I have to keep rebuilding who I am because unfortunately, as an empath, I’ve been tossed around more times than should be legal. Today, I am born into a person who simply puts my middle finger up and says “I Give Zero Fucks.” And I have to say thank you, because each and every one of you has made me into that. So take you’re fucking bows guys.

Mississippi Is Not Burning

As my Tumblr audience is aware, almost a year ago I moved from Hattiesburg, Mississippi to Fayetteville, North Carolina. On May 9th, during a stop, two officers were needlessly killed and the murdered and suspects connected with trying to hide the crime are being captured. Today this happened:

Hundreds pay tribute to Officer Liquori Tate Tim Doherty, American Staff Writer 10:38 p.m. CDT May 15, 2015 There are identical banners framed on the sides of selected light poles in the parking lot at West Point Baptist Church on Hartfield Road.

An interlaced “WP” stands out from the blue field bordered in white, and below, in an orange rectangle, are the words, “We Impact Lives.”

Those words seemed especially fitting Friday night, for they seemed to describe the young man in uniform lying inside the sanctuary of the church.

In a scene similar to one played out just two nights ago at another church about a mile away for another young man in uniform, hundreds made their way to West Point to pay tribute to Hattiesburg Patrolman Liquori Tate and his grieving family.

Tate, 25, died in the line of duty May 9 along with Patrolman Benjamin Deen, 34, arriving on the scene of a traffic stop at Deen’s request for backup.

There, both young men suffered single, fatal gunshot wounds.

For the past week, Hattiesburg has mourned while celebrating their lives.

Friday night was no different.

“He was a close friend,” said Danielle Bridges, who met Tate when he arrived in Hattiesburg in search of the answer to a dream of becoming a police officer.

“He was a laid-back kind of guy, taking it day by day.”

Co-workers recall a constant smile, even during the occasional corrective conversations during his final training following graduation from the Hattiesburg Police Academy in 2014.

But then, like during the rest of the week, hundreds who had never met Tate turned out Friday, braving an extended cloudburst along the sides of highways as he was brought from McComb in the afternoon and then at the visitation that evening.

Hattiesburg Police Department Lt. Jon Traxler was in the HPD escort that accompanied the Starkville native back to his chosen home for the final time.

A small cluster watched a video of the procession along U.S. 98 through Columbia, where the crowds along both sides of the road were so thick at some points they nearly formed a human tunnel.

Traxler said the scenes that scrolled on the screen in his hand were repeated all along the route, in Tylertown and McComb.

“This week, everybody has shown up in support of the two officers, for the city,” Traxler said, “showing that we are one community, nothing divided.”

Bridges remembers Tate’s kindness, offering to comfort her restless baby during church, allowing her to continue her worship.

And in his passing, a community has gathered together to share the shock and the pain, to unite with each other in consolation.

That’s quite the impact on lives, even in death.

“I’m here to be a part of the togetherness, the unity, that Hattiesburg has shown that, hopefully, can spread to a whole country,” said Pastor E.E. Ruffin Jr., a Hattiesburg resident who tends his flock in D’Lo.

“This is a very trying time, but out of a tragedy, maybe there has come some good.”

Services

Services for Hattiesburg police officer Liquori Tate will be at 11 a.m. today at West Point Baptist Church, 184 Hartfield Road, Hattiesburg.

Interment will be in Fox Cemetery in Starkville.

I just wanted to get some feelings down on what I’m experiencing right now. I am so proud of Mississippi. Like the rest of the country, they could have easily used this tragedy to try to push an agenda. Instead the community came together as one and experienced it for what it is - a senseless tragedy. Videos poured on social media of people - not only from the local area but from out of state - coming together as one to feel the overwhelming sadness of the situation. I got teary eyed. They are doing this right. They are showing America what it means to be a community and stand proud and tall to overcome the pain that this has created.

I am so very proud of the people down there. They lined the streets. They waved blue ribbons and American flags. A procession of cop cars honked and drove with the fallen officer.

Nobody should ever use a senseless death as a political tool.

Nobody should ever destroy their community but should stand as one.

Hattiesburg, thank you for showing me that Mississippi Is Not Burning. Now hopefully we can get America to stand as one.

New Orleans

Sunday April 26th

I’m sitting here, trying to think of the words to describe what I’m doing.

There is absolutely no way to do it.

Have you ever been to New Orleans?

Have you ever watched the sun go down over the Mississippi on a hot summer day - no - a hot spring day?

Have you ever sat there, in the pitch black, grateful for the late night breeze coming down Rampart Street as it tries to cool the Quarter?

It is literally impossible to come up with the perfect sentence to describe what I’m doing, where I’m at, what I’m feeling.

The jagged pattern of wrought iron. Being able to see over the roofs of the shotgun style housing just because I’m on a balcony. Indulging in a light sin featuring alcohol because you know there are much darker ones that can be found on the streets of New Orleans.

It’s April. It was hot today. But with the setting of the sun comes the dark promise of cool temperatures and relaxed patronage. There is no anger. There is only music. There is only alcohol. There is only an awakening as you let her wrap her arms around you and encompass every breath you take.

There is no separation from New Orleans. There is only waking up every morning in a separate place; feeling just that - separate. You breathe the wrong air. There is no Ponchatrain in what you fill your lungs with daily. You walk mutely through whatever city you live in, craving the interludes of jazz and laughter. Your soul is not present; it took up residence in the Quarter a long time ago and is waiting as patiently as it can for you to catch up with it.

Every morning you try to wake up to the rising sun and you tell yourself, this is the same sun that is rising over Gulf. But you still feel alone .You still feel like a piece of you is missing. Not just some small piece that holds you together but a large, definitive piece that tells the world who you are. Without that piece you are empty – you are alone. And there is no salvaging these feelings of being lost. You crave the stones that make her streets, the brick that builds her homes. On your darkest of days you miss the lemon that resonates off those dirtiest of streets that come together to make the legendary Bourbon Street – it’s seven a.m. and all you smell is lemon and it’s wonderful as the sun shines off the buildings towering you into the history and culture that built YOUR city.

You try to sleep at night. Your nights are haunted with music, with crawfish, with everyone asking you if you’re a’ight. And you’re not. Because you’re 888 miles away, trapped in an endless wave of nothing. You go to work every day with a bunch of egotistical, negative human beings who could never comprehend turning on some music and dancing down the street. People who get off on putting you down instead of extending a hand of acceptance like you got when you walked the streets of New Orleans. Instead of appreciating the beauty of every day, of living today as though tomorrow won’t happen, you are forced into a numbing conundrum of a twelve-hour workday where you sit alone, drawing and empty. You love to draw, but can’t find guidance. You can’t find inspiration.

You wake up in a cold sweat, knowing your inspiration lies in the city you are in love with. These are the streets that haunt you dreams – that make you realize you have to live one more day. Because you refuse to die here. You refuse to let this place be the last horizon you ever see.

You will not die in North Carolina. You will not let this barren wasteland of ego and lost dreams be the last place you ever take a breath. New Orleans lives in you. It is the air you breathe, it is the very energy that makes you’re heart beat. Sitting here, in the humid cloud that gently breezes to and fro on the lips of the wind that has been created by the streets of the city, you vow to rest your body here. This is where you belong. This is where youe heart lives.

Naïve children follow the instinctual physical love and say that’s where they should be. It proves they are just that – naïve. Have you ever missed a season? A sunrise? The way the heat rises from the ground – watching it as it develops from the brick and cement. Have you ever missed the hint of jazz behind the clink of the chef as he makes the most delicious breakfast for you? Have you ever found it strange when it’s not there?

I miss New Orleans. Every part of me yearns to be here. No part of me wants to be in North Carolina. Not one piece of me stretches and moves at the sound of it’s name.

I am lost.

I suppose in every day terms I am sitting on a balcony. I am staring at the wrought iron as the cool night breeze brushes the hot, humid stickiness of the day from me. I am staring – incredulously – at the structures that lead me eye to the French Quarter. In every sense of the word, I am home.

Sonic Highways leading me here...

I wanted to share some thoughts on Dave Grohl's most recent project "Sonic Highways" that he is doing on HBO. Of course, I was a huge fan of his documentary he made called "Sound City". It's phenomenal, and I recommend everyone pick it up. It has changed my life in a very positive way.

This current series is basically an extension of his thought processes behind "Sound City." He is going from city-to-city and recording the music history in some of the most influential places in our country. I am so moved by what I've seen so far, and I've only gotten to episode 2.

As all of you are familiar, I'm in love with New Orleans. I call this my home, and am on a mission to return there sooner than later. Turns out, they recorded a segment down there at the Preservation Jazz Hall. Since I follow the hall on Facebook, they kept me posted on the 60 minutes segment. Here is the link for you guys to check out:

http://preservationhall.com/hall/icymi-foo-fighters-preservation-hall-60-minutes-segment/

I cried while I watched it. It made me desperately home sick. I've been pretty depressed since I made the move to North Carolina. It seems that everything I do to try to maintain a Positive Mental Attitude (thanks Bad Brains) just makes me miss the city that much more. I've had to deal with bullying, with lack of inspiration, with personal arguments between loved ones. I have neglected my health, and disregarded some warning signs my body has given me. I try to express joy to those around me who are experiencing big changes, and I just feel hollow. I feel so separated from what I want my reality to be.

While I watched Dave Grohl express his love for the city who inspires me, I began to long for some sort of solace.

Believe it or not, since moving to North Carolina, I have had three separate people tell me that they "aren't really music fans" and don't really "have time for music." Each time I heard that was like a slap in the face. I was shocked at first, and now... now I feel sorry for these people. How can your life not be full of music? They don't have those instant flashbacks to the first time they heard a song that changed their very existence. They've never stood in line, desperate to hear a local musician echo their feelings in the lyrics of a song that they memorized for just that purpose. They don't have that moment of hearing a song that makes you have to pull your car over to the side of the road as tears are just pouring from your eyes. I have that. I live that every day. I have a soundtrack to my life, and heroes that play the instrumentals to my life. And New Orleans makes those moments that much sweeter.

A life without music... no wonder I hate North Carolina so much.

It is our choices … that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities...

-- J.K Rowling

I know I haven't been on lately - you've probably missed me filling your heads with nonsensical ramblings. I've put a lot of my personal thoughts and opinions on here, but kept them on the private setting. I am trying to maintain professionalism and trying to use other outlets for venting and handling this so-called life. This though, this has got to be said publicly.

I am a tattoo artist, and have recently relocated due to my husband's military career. We went from Mississippi to North Carolina, and while Mississippi wasn't where I wanted to end up, it was definitely a positive step towards my dream of being in New Orleans. The North Carolina move has been nothing but a dangerous, vicious curveball that has caused me to have a mental breakdown. But that's beside the point I want to make in this blog. The gist of that information is that I have relocated to a new shop that is within distance of one of the largest, busiest military installations in the country. My clients have shifted.

Now, I'm not saying that what I'm about to discuss never happened in Hattiesburg. It did. But it was a rare occurrence and one that we were able to fix with a slight twist in our personality and mannerisms to imply that it was uncalled for. Unfortunately, the place I work at is not driven that way. So it has to be handled completely differently.

Basically I have noticed a dramatic increase in significant others (spouses, lovers, family, friends, etc...) trying to take control of what my client is getting. They are bullying my clients into making decisions to appease what they want instead of the original train of thought that the person actually getting the body modification desires.

Example: A couple comes into the shop. The woman wants to get her son's footprint and name tattooed on her ribs - standard tattoo situation. She shows me the footprint, and I let her know that it will need to be actual size to convey the patterns on the print. She's a little worried about the size, so she turns to her husband. He goes "You need to just get the name because that's too big." She turns to me and asks where I'd put the name, because she wouldn't mind getting the footprint if we can figure out a way to get the name to work with it. Husband grunts, rolls eyes and says she needs to just get the name. So she goes "well, I'll just get the name." So we're sitting looking through various fonts. She picks one, shows it to the husband and he turns down everyone she shows him because it's too thick, too big. She finally settles on one that he suggests. I print the tattoo out, show them how large we have to make it to keep the tattoo looking good. They both say perfect, agree on a price, pay and come on back to my booth. I put the tattoo on her. It's small. You put a floating name on the ribs, and it looks awkward. She asks my opinion, I tell her. She says she wants to go bigger too, that she felt the same way. Husband's not happy. He says it's perfect. I go print off what I would consider a better size, still feminine but just sits better where she wants it. She says it's perfect, husband hates it. She puts her foot down and says she at least wants to add his birthday than. Husband says fine. She tells me the date, I type it up and print it out for her, and she goes "OH I LOVE THAT!" Husband hates it. Says she should just do the numbers because it's too big. I go and readjust. Bring it out, and she's less than thrilled but says that will work out great. Husband hates it; says I should take out the 2 and the 0 in 2013, and take the forward slashes and turn them into dashes ("You know, old school") so that the tattoo is even smaller. So I did it, even though I think turning 2013 into 13 isn't the smartest choice when dating tattoos. I come back, show her the tattoo, and she just flings her arm out at her husband and goes "Ask him." I show it to him, but tell her that I need her approval because it's her tattoo.

CLIENTS: Please remember that when you come into my booth I am permanently modifying YOUR body. YOU will have to wake up every morning and see it in the mirror. YOU will have to get jobs, pick outfits and essentially look at this modification until YOU die. YOUR opinion is what matters to me. This is YOUR decision. My worse nightmare? You waking up tomorrow morning and going "Man I really should have done this with the tattoo. I should have made it bigger or smaller. I should have put it somewhere else. I should have turned it differently."

If you're going to bring someone with you to get a modification, sure, you want honesty. But you want someone you can trust. Not someone who is going to lead you through a series of manipulations to get you to make the decision they want. As your artist, I can only offer experience and artistic preferences. Essentially this whole process comes down to you.

SIGNIFICANT OTHERS: Honestly, when these situations occur, it's heart breaking. I've been married for 13 years and while I am the last person to give out relationship advice, and while I can't say I have a perfect marriage, I can say that if my husband ever told me what I can and can't do with my body, I would walk out the door. And he knows that. And that's why he's my husband. To me, these conversations are abusive, reckless and selfish. If you can't be in this environment, and be supportive and positive, if you can't keep my client's best interest in the forefront, than I can show you where the door is.

When you come into this shop, you are asking me to permanently place artwork on you. PERMANENTLY... as in FOREVER.

#tattooproblems

NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT...

I wanted to start highlighting some of the continuing struggles of today's tattoo artist. As technology moves forward, I would like to think that the tattoo world only improves. However, with regular people now having access to social media at their fingertips, we find it can be more of a hinderance than a help. One of our day-to-day obstacles? The disillusionment that a certain network gives our clients. I'm talking about - of course - Pinterest.

Pinterest is great for recipes, arts and crafts, and finding hilarious cards that describe our frustrations when dealing with other people. When it comes to tattoos, this network fools people into thinking that something that is impossible or a bad idea is actually a great one. With programs like Photoshop or apps that allow people to take jpegs and place them on photographs in a crude way, our clients think that tiny, detailed pieces are smart. Or that white ink tattoos are a great option to fool mom and dad.

One person that is especially fed up is Hattiesburg artist and shop owner, Phil Higgs. The man, the myth, the legend himself has taken it on as a personal mission to try to stop this epidemic. And so I will start presenting to the public his efforts to teach the public audience that maybe, just maybe, you should trust your actual artist and not some image you see on the internet.

Presenting to you...

Phil Higgs versus Pinterest

Episode 1:

Hilarious...

95% of my Tumblr, I have to post privately, so it looks like I'm never on here. But I am. I'm like Danny McBride... "I see everything" :)

So... You Wanna Be A Tattoo Artist?

I was sent this wonderful blog post on Facebook awhile back and never got to post it for you all to read. Brandon Collins addresses the reality behind our career. I often have to listen to people sitting in my chair talk about how easy my job must be, and how they could do it, and oh, how wonderful it would be.

With the influx of tattoo reality shows, and the drama that people like Kat Von D make up in order to keep viewers tuned in, it has provided an untruth to the public about who we are as a tattoo artist. That tattoo you want? No, I'm not going to draw up an entire sleeve in 15 minutes based off the scant ramblings you give me about something you saw online that you thought was cool. That's not how I, as a professional, operate. And unfortunately, you as the public are left clueless about the process because they have to cram personal drama into half an hour to keep the ratings up, or their stupid show will get canceled. The TV time, the audience, the ratings... all of that means more to those artists on television than the actual artwork and you, the client.

And let's discuss the reality of 'tattoo shops drama.' Sure, we've seen some weird stuff. Everyone does because people are weird. Honestly, I've seen even stranger stuff when I worked in print media. And how about how hard Kat Von D has made it for me to even get a job as a tattoo artist? She has given female artists a bad reputation for tainting the harmony that should be a part of a shop with nothing but drama. Tattoo artists lead boring, normal lives where we have to pay bills, pick up our kids from school, make sure we get to work on time, deal with traffic, grocery shopping. We aren't 'rock stars'. We aren't out partying all night, having multiple lovers bang down our doors at the shop, hanging out with celebrities. I hate those reality TV shows for their untruths and their mis-portrayal of my life.

Now that being said, I do love my job. The only thing I might have that you don't is the passion and the opportunity to get to do what I love all day long, and that's drawing. Happiness is truly being able to do what you love and learn from and turning it into a career you get paid for. But that's it. And I had to earn that with years of slaving away at a different job that just about killed me from the daily grind. Is every day a golden nugget of treasure under a rainbow? As Mr. Collins addresses, I do work 50-60 hours a week, I have to deal with people who set appointments, have me draw-up artwork, and never show up. Not even call. I don't make that money I needed to pay my electric bill. I have to put off running to get groceries tomorrow morning because that leg piece I spent 4 hours drawing didn't even bother to call me to let me know they couldn't get the piece that day. And I sat and waited... and waited... and handed off some of those walk-ins to my brothers at the shoppe 'just in case' that appointment might have been running 15 minutes late.

I don't tattoo, I don't make money. I'm not paid hourly. I want to go on vacation with my husband? I don't get paid holidays. I bust my ass up until the hour we leave for wherever we go, take that holiday, and than work twice as hard when I come back. This isn't a hobby, this isn't That 'cool' design you want me to draw up? If you're not going to pay me for it, than I'm sorry. This is how I make my living. This is my life. My biggest pet peeve are those people who do damage to my work by tattooing out of their homes for $20. What do you as client get from a basement scratcher? Hepatitis C and a shitty tattoo that you're going to have to pay triple what you normally would have paid at a shop for, plus a headache for me to try to come up with something to cover it up and/or fix your skin. Those wannabe tattoo artists who are working out of their homes, are there for a reason. They're not professionals. They might have tried to get into a shop, but there's a good reason they got turned away. There is ALWAYS a reason why that scratcher isn't in a shop. "But they had everything that you have." No, no they didn't. They didn't have a license. And I can't stress if enough - THERE'S A REASON THEY DON'T. State certification happens for a reason people.

Anyway, enough of my ranting, and on to this brilliant blog piece written by Brandon Collins. Read through it, and take this blunt information to heart. It will definitely help you understand a little bit more about my profession, and maybe educate you enough to make some good decisions the next time you come into the shop.

Brandon Collins: “So you wanna be a tattoo artist?”

This guest post was written by Brandon Collins at Nightmare Studios Tattoo in Reno, NV

With the invention of tattoo “reality” shows, the average un-tattooed or mildly tattooed person is led to believe that tattoo artists are superheroes: they can draw an entire back piece in 15 minutes, go out to the clubs all night and still come to work on time, able to tattoo whatever you want, wherever you want it.

That sounds awfully appealing to some kids–but it couldn’t be any further from the truth. Anyone who has spent time in a tattoo shop knows that most tattooers are your average hardworking dads and moms with mortgages, car payments and phone bills, not prima donna rockstars that get VIP everywhere and drive Lamborghini’s. Those TV shows make a mockery of our profession and because of them, our trade has been diluted by half-ass, mediocre tattooers. Not only have these hacks not paid their dues, but they pump out crappy $20 tattoos that the average joes doesn’t even realize are shit.

Before deciding you want to be a tattooer, think about this: Say my appointment for the day doesn’t show up, so that $400 I needed to pay rent and put food on my table will just have to wait. If YOU go to work and no one shows up, YOU still get paid and so you can afford to sit home home and watch “TATTOO SCHOOL” and say to your stoned roommate “bro, I can totally do that shit!”. You get breaks and paid holidays, insurance and an guaranteed paycheck every week. We don’t. We work 50-60 hours a week tattooing, drawing and painting with no medical benefits and no retirement funds.

Don’t listen to your family. That skull with the lightning bolts and a joint in its mouth you drew in the 8th grade ISN’T amazing. Your parents, close family members and friends are always going to tell you that you are a natural artist. Their biased encouragement will only give you the false confidence to go into a tattoo shop and get your feelings hurt. Tattooing isn’t a hobby or something just to pass the time. It is a profession and a sole mean of income, so if you think we will welcome you and your “tat guns” into our trade with open arms, you are sorely mistaken. Apprenticeships are meant to be hard–to weed out the undeserving. If you are lucky enough to get one (and I do mean lucky) you will be taught a skill that can carry you for the rest of your life and you are forever indebted to the person who taught you. There are those dip-shits that don’t have the balls to go into a tattoo shop and try to get an apprenticeship – or they did and were tossed out, just order some “guns” online and “do tats” out of their house. Not only is this completely disgusting, unsanitary and unethical, but also illegal. Don’t even think about doing that. Those fucktards can do some real and irreversible damage to someone not to mention potentially spread disease.

Most tattoo artists don’t make a lot of money. Tattooers get paid by the hour but that money isn’t dumped right into our pockets. We have to give a percentage to the shop and pay for supplies and what-not. In reality we only get a fraction of what we charge for your tattoo. So when you tell me, “Dannnng $100?… Thats a lot, you must be rich!” and I want to run a steel spike through your head, you will understand why. As I mentioned before, if an appointment doesn’t show up or you don’t have anything scheduled, you don’t get paid. Imagine going to your job at Home Depot or where ever and working a full day without pay.

So next time you have the urge to be like Kat Von D or whatever rockstar tattooer is the flavor of the week… remember this: Countless hours of work for minimal pay and no benefits is the life that we have chosen and will defend with extreme prejudice. Do yourself a favor: keep your day job, and leave our profession alone.

(http://www.tattoosnob.com/guestblog/brandon-collins-so-you-wanna-be-a-tattoo-artist/)

"Hope Smiles from the threshold of the year to come, Whispering 'it will be happier'..."

-- Alfred Lord Tennyson

Well, here we are. Another year down. And personally, I found 2013 full of a lot of mental and emotional anguish. It was rough right? I didn't just picture that struggle? Sure, there were a few things that went well. But overall, not a fan of 2013!

And so, on this New Year's day, I too have some resolutions I want to try to accomplish. And hopefully, you do to. I want to make 2014 my bitch, and hopefully with a good air of positivity I can accomplish this!

1. I want to stop chewing my nails. Sure, I am in the process of learning the guitar, and yea, they gotta be short. But that's an excuse. I need to stop gnawing these puppies down to nothing an dealing with painful fingers. I find I do it when I'm bored, stressed, or dealing with my insomnia. It needs to stop, and it needs to stop now.

2. I want to only use Facebook as a promotional marketing tool for business. This includes tattoo related items or to promote the newspaper - FuseWeekly. I can post tattoo projects, or news, and my articles or Fuse news on my page, but that's it. My personal stuff will not be posted directly to Facebook anymore. If people want to involve themselves into my life on a personal level it will be through Instagram or Tumblr or ultimately, Flickr. Why? Well I get tired of complete strangers coming into the shop and retracing my every move from Facebook. Besides, I live my life through photography and art anyway. I'm a visual person. When I want to say something, it does need an in-depth long blog to support it which makes Tumblr perfect. Facebook has become a stomping ground to destroy humanity and I want no part in it.

3. I want to be more positive. Too often I take the approach of negativity because it's easy. It's easy to be upset and to complain. It's easy to be aggravated and not try to change your situation. I want to be that person people can turn to when they need a smile or a positive comment. I want to make other people happy, and the only way to do that is if I try to make myself happy every day.

4. Most importantly, I want to create more. Too often I'm tired or frustrated and take it out on my art. This year I want to do a project that blows my mind. And a certain coffee table project is calling my name to do just that.

5. I need to take my health seriously. A heart condition AND auto-immune pancreatitis? Really Brandi? Come on. I need to get my diet, my sleep patterns and a light cardio routine down and stick by it. Not because I want to look good in some damned bathing suit but because I want to live a few years longer.

Five things. That's all I want to try to do because if I try to expand on that list I'm going to give myself a panic attack. I hope everyone lays down some goals and tries to accomplish them. That's what this time of year is for - we need to re-evaluate what's not working for us and make it work.

3 REASONS

I found a really good read for those of you out there who are looking for some advice. I've been married almost 12 years (this December it'll be 12) and I still get this question repeatedly. Being a tattoo artist, my clients sometimes feel they have the right to pry or offer me 'free advice' while sitting in my chair. Honestly, they have no idea what is going on in my personal life and the struggles I have had to endure as a woman with this whole society expectation of what I should be doing. So, here I present to you "3 Reasons to Stop Asking Couples When They'll Have Babies":

3 Reasons to Stop Asking Couples When They’ll Have Babies

AUG17

Kyle and I have only been married a year, and have already been flooded with questions about when we’ll have kids. No babies yet? Are you pregnant yet? Why are you waiting? The first few times, it’s cute, but it quickly gets old. I see these questions get asked of other couples quite frequently, and the only results are awkward conversations and annoyed glances.

If you find yourself asking these questions, here are three reasons you should stop:

1. For some, it’s painful to answer

People don’t just simply “forget” to have kids. Us kid-less couples have reasons why we don’t have kids yet. For some of us, we just aren’t ready yet. But, sadly, for a lot of couples, there’s more to it than that. Health struggles. Issues to work through. One spouse who’s ready and one who isn’t. A couple that can’t afford healthcare. A couple that has tried everything and had no luck. A mom and dad that have loved and lost and no one knows it. And little do you know that every time you ask, it’s like salt in their already excruciatingly painful wounds.

You don’t know the story behind the “why.” Pressuring doesn’t help. You’d best keep your curiosity to yourself.

2. It’s extremely personal—and kind of inappropriate

You’re basically asking a couple (who you might barely know) when they’re going to stop using birth control. And I don’t know about you, but that’s a subject I feel uncomfortable talking with my doctor about. You wouldn’t ask someone you barely know, “So, are you using birth control? If so, what kind? And when do you plan to stop?”

There’s really no benefit to asking, and it just makes for awkwardness. You’re not doing any favors here.

3. There’s nothing wrong with waiting

There’s nothing wrong with having kids right away, and there’s nothing wrong with waiting. Every couple is in a different situation—job-wise, finance-wise, health-wise, and the list goes on. My husband and I have been prayerful in our decision to wait a little while. And when it’s God’s timing, it’s God’s timing. For some, that’s sooner than others. Some have gone as far as to call us selfish for waiting a whopping two or three years to have kids. That’s craziness, people.

Respect other couples’ choices to wait if it’s what’s best for them. Parenthood is a wonderful gift, and I can’t wait to experience it. But condescending remarks about how we’re wrong for waiting just aren’t going to help anything.

http://www.nittygrittylove.com/3-reasons-to-stop-asking-couples-when-theyll-have-babies/

FUCK FACEBOOK

Sorry guys, I'm out.

The only thing I'm using Facebook for anymore will be tattoo/business related. I'm tired of people thinking that social media is the one and only communication tool. It creates more problems than solves them. After watching my loved ones endure drama crisis after drama crisis, and me myself also going through that, I've decided I'm done.

I've been testing this out the past few weeks, and found myself loads more happy. When the guys at work want to show me something, I can actively sit there and discuss it without having to say "Oh, I've already seen that online." I find enjoyment in asking people how they're doing again, instead of referencing something specific I saw on their page.

On the flip side I don't have overly enthusiastic strangers asking me about something I in turn posted on my page. I actually have something to talk about with people. And I feel human again.

I will no longer 'like' something. If you want me to see it, you can catch up with me in person to share it with me. We can talk about it one-on-one.

I will no longer post personal photos. If you want to see my personal photos, they'll be on Flickr or Instagram. The only photos that will be connected to my Facebook page will be tattoo, artwork or graphic design work. My flickr site is http://www.flickr.com/brandirhbruce. My Instagram is brandirhbruce.

I will no longer post meme's I enjoy. If I like them that much, I will send them via personal messages to people.

And in closing, if I have something I need to express publicly, it will be here on Tumblr. On personal blog sites I don't have to deal with overly dramatic assholes who just want to stir up a bunch of shit to get their social media "rocks off." People take things too seriously, don't get my sense of humor, or have too many conflicts with the things that I like. I am going to be out living my life, instead of sitting online trying to defend who I am.

I turned around one day and just threw my hands up. We're taking social media networking too seriously and too literally. I've preached this over and over again, and I think that if more people took this step backward, we might be able to re-find who we are.

On that note, I recently saw Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. The show was amaze-balls and I posted well over 100 photos documenting the experience on my Flickr site.

FOLLOW UP ON BREAST CANCER

Those of you who read my scathing opinion on women exploiting breast cancer, here's a good follow-up read:

Please Put That Pink Can of Soup Down and Put Your Bra Back On

Posted: 10/17/2013 11:50 am by

Leisha Davison-Yasol

Blogger, cancerinmythirties.wordpress.com

I am not a ranter by any means and I have been pretty quiet about "Pinktober" and what has come to be known as "Pinkwashing" in breast cancer circles, but seeing that October 13th was advertised as "National No Bra Day" and as a "fun" way to support people with breast cancer has pushed me over the edge.

Are you kidding me? How on earth could a day where girls and women are encouraged to post and share photos of their braless breasts and to walk around with their nipples poking through their shirts be "supportive" for women who are living with or who have died from breast cancer, or who have managed to 'complete' the arduous treatments and disfiguring surgeries required to put them into remission?

I think the answer is simple. It is not.

Like so many women -- and men -- who have faced this disease, I have lost my breasts to cancer. Though I had a terrific surgeon, it was a physically and emotionally disfiguring surgery.

The cancer had gone so deep and was so extensive on my left side that it was at first inoperable. Even after months of chemo, my surgeon took as much tissue and skin as possible and went deep into my axilla (underarm area). The cancer had metastasized to my lymph nodes and had invaded them to such a degree that they broke open to allow the cancer cells to go beyond the walls of the nodes. Because of how invasive the surgery was and of how much nerve damage, etc. resulted, it was not only extremely painful then, but continues to be a source of pain and phantom sensations that affect my entire upper torso even today.

I required over a year of physical therapy just to be able to raise my arms again and I still don't have full function or range of motion. And, because of pain, swelling, conspicuous compression sleeves and gloves, I am constantly reminded of the lymphedema that resulted from the surgery and loss of my lymph nodes. Oh, and the life-threatening infections that forced a couple of hospitalizations and four months of massive doses of antibiotics this summer (almost 2 years after my original surgery), are also a little reminder of some of the things that the bilateral mastectomy and lymph node surgeries have left me with. And there is so much more...

So the thought of seeing bra-less women flaunting two body parts that I have lost to cancer -- more than I already see this on a regular day -- does not feel all that supportive. In fact, it feels quite the opposite.

I think of myself as an open-minded person. I do my best not to judge others or their beliefs and ideals. I have a pretty good sense of humor and am usually the first to poke fun at myself. And I make light of breast cancer and my struggles, treatments and their side effects, lack of breasts, fear of death, etc. fairly frequently. It is how I cope. But, given what I have been through, I think I have earned the right to joke and make light of how this terrible disease has affected me. But if you haven't been there or taken care of someone who has been there, then you should think twice before you publicize a day that jokes about putting the first body parts we usually lose to this disease "out there" on display even more conspicuously and then labeling it as an activity that helps our "cause."

We live in a society that makes a huge hoopla about breast cancer while at the very same time trivializing the seriousness of the disease. How can we be so contradictory?

While I am beyond thrilled that breast cancer is no longer a taboo issue and that people are talking about it, the commercialism has gotten out of hand. There is nothing pink and rosy about breast cancer, yet it has been pink-washed to death. It is a serious disease that kills.

And while I do think we need more awareness and education (about metastatic disease, about how young women can develop breast cancer, about how women (young and old) DO die from this disease, about the importance of research, etc.), I don't think we need the kind of awareness that buying a jar of salsa with a pink ribbon on it brings. While I hardly ever see "awareness" products addressing the topics above, I can't go anywhere without seeing pink products. Heck, I just have to look out of my front window to see giant pink garbage totes. The stores are filled with pink as companies try to make a buck off breast cancer. If you look carefully at these products, you'll find that some of them don't even donate a cent to breast cancer awareness, support, research, etc. And oftentimes those that do make a very minimal donation-and not always to organizations/programs where the money is well spent.

What is most unfortunate is that well-meaning people are willing to buy pink products, even pay a little extra, because they think they are helping to do something to "cure" breast cancer or to provide "hope" to breast cancer patients. Why is this sad? Because those dollars spent on pink flowers, pink shirts, or a pink box of crackers or spaghetti sauce could be going to research, our only real "hope" of beating this horrible disease.

My intention is not to offend or to hurt the feelings of anyone who is genuinely trying to help, but I think it is important for you to know the truth. So please put your bra back on, put down those pink garbage bags (unless you really like pink that much!), that pink "awareness" pepper spray keychain, and that pink breast cancer "awareness" vibrator and dildo (yes, I'm blushing and yes, these are real things that their merchandisers say will "help you raise breast cancer awareness" -- though they are shipped discretely in plain, unmarked boxes so no one knows what you purchased) and send a few dollars to an organization that devotes their fundraising dollars to research. You just have to do a bit of homework or read the labels on those pink items to see where your money is actually going. (There are pink products out there that do help to fund research, etc. -- they seem to be in the minority, but they do exist.) But, if you don't like homework, here are three great organizations -- there are many others, but these are some of my favorites:

Stand Up to Cancer: This is a terrific one -- and it's not just for breast cancer, but all cancers. Our mission is to fund collaborative, translational cancer research to bring treatments from the bench to the bedside faster, and save lives now. Since Stand Up To Cancer was founded in May 2008, we have granted $161 Million Dollars to ten Dream Teams of scientists and researchers, one international translational research team and 26 high-risk, high-reward Innovative Research Grants. 100% of public funds go directly into research grants. A portion of the funds that are raised from major donations and third-party fundraising go towards administrative expenses and overhead.

Metavivor.org: From support groups to funding vital research, our programs sustain the power of hope. Passionately committed patients ourselves, we rally public attention to the urgent needs of the metastatic breast cancer (MBC) community, help patients find strength through support and purpose, and make EVERY dollar count as we work with researchers to regain longevity with quality of life.

Inflammatory Breast Cancer (IBC): is a rare and highly fatal form of breast cancer that is not typically discovered by mammogram and often occurs prior to standard breast cancer screening age recommendations. Our all volunteer board is focused on education and funding research for this 200 year old orphaned form of breast cancer. No Lump Still Cancer.

A number of people have emailed or commented about how Young Survival Coalition (YSC) has helped them. This organization is the premier global organization dedicated to the critical issues unique to young women who are diagnosed with breast cancer. YSC offers resources, connections and outreach so women feel supported, empowered and hopeful.

... or consider a group that helps cancer patients and their families cope with their illness. For example:

CancerIsAJerk.org: This is a small charity my dear friend jme set up to help families affected by cancer. You can make a financial donation or purchase "Cancer Is a Jerk" t-shirts with all proceeds going to help actual families affected by cancer. You can also contact jme through the charity if you'd like to sell shirts as a fundraiser with all proceeds going to benefit cancer family applicants in general OR designate a specific family of your choosing. And if you know a cancer family in need, please encourage them to apply for assistance.

And don't underestimate the value of local organizations. My local Breast Cancer Coalition is a perfect example. The Breast Cancer Coalition of Rochester's mission is to make the eradication of breast cancer a priority through education and advocacy; to empower women and men to participate fully in decisions relating to breast cancer; to provide support to those coping with a breast cancer diagnosis; and to focus research into the causes, prevention, treatment and cure of breast cancer.

Also local for me is The Karen Carson Crane Foundation. Founded by Karen's siblings after she died of breast cancer, the mission of the Karen Carson Crane Foundation ("the KCC Foundation") is to provide support and financial assistance for individuals affected by breast cancer; to encourage breast cancer patients to have the strength, courage and passion to overcome their disease; to support local organizations that assist breast cancer patients; and to donate a portion of its fundraising dollars to organizations that research and promote alternative cancer treatment methods.

There are many other great organizations and groups out there -- these are just a few.

And if you can't help with a financial donation, consider volunteering your time or talents. Perhaps to local cancer patients -- bringing a meal or knitting a chemo cap or scarf, or sending a cozy blanket are examples of ways to show your support. I remember when a small box of craft supplies was left on my doorstep when I was first going through chemo -- what a gift that was -- my kids loved it and it kept them occupied for a little while when I was really ill! Or consider volunteering at a local cancer center or for a local American Cancer Society chapter. There are many ways to show your support that don't require $$.

And, of course, don't forget to go for your regular mammograms and to feel your breasts when you can (and report any changes to your doctor) because doing these things IS important. It is how I found my own lumps, almost 18 years before I was due for my first mammogram (according to the recommended screening age back in 2009). While the vast majority of lumps are benign, I still believe it's always best to bring your breast changes to the attention of your doctor. Thanks for reading...

I will leave you with a picture that I think is my best advertisement for Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

Me -- 5 Days post bilateral mastectomy and complete ALND (Axillary Lymph Node Dissection)

Side note: The ACTUAL National No Bra Day is July 9th annually. Someone had the great idea to do a bra-less day during October -- Breast Cancer Awareness Month -- to support "the cause."

Originally posted here - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/leisha-davisonyasol/october-pinkwashing_b_4102424.html

EVIDENTLY I'M NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE AN OPINION

So evidently I'm not allowed to have an opinion but every other mother fucker on this planet can.

I got a million of these this morning on my newsfeed:

Well guess what? I find this to be the absolutely most degrading meme I have yet to see on Facebook, and I post really horrible shit that I find hilarious because of my dark sense of humor.

I'm sorry if I don't find women walking around with no bras as an excuse as to support breast cancer research. I'm sorry if I feel like you should take that extra effort and put it into donations for research, marathons that fundraise for the cause, rallies supporting the men and women who have to suffer, going to the cancer ward of a hospital and simply being there to talk to some of these people. I'm sorry if I find it degrading and shameful that people are using this cause as an excuse to act like immature sluts.

That's right. I said sluts. You know why? Because society today is so hell bent on sex, on using women to prostitute their causes and holding young women back from their potential. I feel as though young women today hold more power and more class than saying "Well if you get breast cancer, don't worry, I support you by not wearing a bra." I'm sorry if taking women's lib and extorting it on Facebook is shameful and downright pathetic.

Women wonder why society looks at them as weak. Well ladies, sorry, but when you parade yourself as a sexual object, you set the rest of us back about 50 years. Thanks for that by the way.

I posted this on Facebook, along with intelligent ways to support those survivors and those suffering. And I stated that I felt like women would be viewed as whores by doing so. Because society is basically using them as prostitutes. Because that meme was made by some stupid asshole who thought it would be funny.

I liked the "Save the Tatas" campaign. Did anyone even bother to Google "Free the tatas?" Bet they didn't. Because if they did they would see that that's the slogan for the cause for women's equality to be able to take their shirts off in public like men. So rally it up ladies. You want your rights, just don't get pissed off when people stare, grab or look at you like you're a sexual object.

Original post:

So I'm pretty sure this is the dumbest thing I've seen on social media. Whoever started this meme should probably transport themselves to 1969 and grow your armpit hair out to match some dudes' beard. There are much better ways to support breast cancer than being a whore. Try going to https://www.nationalbreastcancer.org/breast-cancer-donations and donating some money to support those enduring this battle.

I DESTROY EVERYTHING I LOVE

Dexter Morgan has sailed his last trip on the Slice Of Life.

I’m a huge Dexter fan. I’m not going to go into the background of the show, or reiterate meaningless jargon. You’re reading this because you, like me, have been an avid and devoted fan since the beginning. Each Sunday, you tuned in for the past 8 seasons in anticipation to see if the Dark Defender would get caught in his acts of killing or if he would continue on with his daily struggle with his Dark Passenger.

Being a Dexter fan is somewhat conflicting. You have grown to love this character, who ultimately is something beyond evil – a serial killer. He’s taught a moral and ethical code in which he chooses his victims, and yet you find yourself sometimes thinking that characters that do not ‘meet the code’ might end up on Dexter’s table. As a fan, you struggle with your own morality and daily convictions of what you find to be right and wrong.

This last season has been difficult to watch. I know a lot of the fan base has said this was a bad season, but I didn’t find it all that bad quality wise. But they announced this was going to be it. No more Dexter, and so you have to sit and wonder every episode if each moment might be the last. I read an interview with Scott Buck and Sara Colleton that says that they were short changed on time because Showtime wanted to rush through this series in order to promote and highlight their newest staple Ray Donavan (which I tried to sit through and hated, so poor choice on their part). So they had to play the cards they dealt. This meant almost cramming two seasons into one, which explains why they highlight different plots and than leave them somewhat hanging. What happens with Quinn after dealing with the loss of Deb? What happens with Batista and his sister? What about Masuko and his daughter that popped up out of nowhere this season? Ultimately, does Harrison enjoy life with Hannah? How did he feel about the loss of his father? Does Hannah believe Dexter died or does she think he plotted the whole time to never meet up with her? So many unanswered questions, and yet I believe that they didn’t just want fans to feel as though these characters were alone with no future, or flat, and that’s why they showed these moments. We have become attached to almost every character attached to Miami Metro, and I believe they recognize that need from the fans for closure of sorts.

One of the constant things I’ve seen on the forums and Facebook is that Harrison might have Dexter’s ‘urges.’ I disagree whole-heartedly. Honestly, Dexter was a truly amazing father which I think was part of the beauty in showing the hospital flashbacks in the finale. It also shows that there is a bittersweet irony to the imagery of the monster who yearns to be human. This comes into play as well as he has to come to terms with the nature of his crimes as he does begin to feel more human and have to witness the loss of his one and only true meaningful relationship with his sister. And ultimately, the show is called Dexter. This was his journey. And in order to complete the cycle, he had to lose the one thing that meant the most to him.

I think the message they ultimately got across with last night’s finale is simple. There is no happy ending for a serial killer, even Dexter. Dexter grew to be more human during this past season, and he attempted to feed into that emotional side of himself. Ultimately, there would never be one without the other. If we lost Deb, we would lose Dexter. She was who he constantly strived to be human for. I think that, above all else, is a message from the finale we need to take away as well. He got a normal job, he married, he had relationships, not to fulfill his need. His needs were always from the Dark Passenger. But he had those things, that normal life, to fulfill his need to have his sister.

I have said since they said this would be the end that I thought Deb would end up killing Dexter. I think that’s the way they started the season, but ultimately they realized that it was Dexter who needed Deb, not the other way around. Deb had a moral compass. Deb had feelings and emotions, and strength. No matter how hard life was getting for her, she had reservations and could pull herself through it. Dexter leaned more on Deb than a lot of the casual fans could fathom. I was ok with the idea of one taking out the other, so when they flipped it, and Dexter took Deb off of the ventilation system it did throw me at first. And I was a little upset about the imagery they were creating… but I gave myself 24 hours and another watch through and I find that the finale has grown on me.

They leave Dexter in a desolate Northern area of the world doing hard labor as a lumberjack. I, like everyone else, thought “Dexter… they made Dexter a lumberjack…”. There is no sunny Miami that he loved. No water to lose himself on. No beauty, no science, not even a hint of the Dark Passenger. Dexter is alone. He has cut himself entirely off from any needs whatsoever and shut down. There is nothing but solitude, desolation, and pain left for him. He has crumpled inside himself, and that’s as good as being dead for him. I have always enjoyed the struggle between monster craving to be human, to be normal. That constant yearning to prove to Deb, to prove to society that he is like them and not this dark creature that hunts victims to meet Harry’s code. Right before Dexter goes to get Deb from the hospital towards the end of the show, he says “For so long, all I wanted was to be like other people, to feel what they felt, but now that I do, I just want it to stop.” He feels like this burden is his, and sure he could have easily offed himself. But that’s too easy. There is nothing but silence now.

I think it was a decent ending. As stated, I do think they should have done something more final to the character. If they had done a climactic death scene, more voiceover dialogue as they faded to black, maybe I would feel more at peace with the ending. Unfortunately, this leaves me to think that maybe, just maybe there’s still a glimmer of hope that Dexter may return. And that ultimately, should not have been the case if they were closing the book on the series. I think, realistically, they ended it on this note because of the franchises’ that have collected around Dexter. Jeff Lindsay’s books are still going strong (they’re truly amazing) and he just launched a comic book series through Marvel (another great outlet for Dexter fans). So I think some of the choices made are meant to let these other formats flourish to keep the story of America’s favorite serial killer alive. I am praying that they simply leave the TV series alone, and not create spin-offs or drudge it up for a revamp later on. If they truly end it on this note, than we should keep it that way otherwise we will lose the prodigious world that they created for us.

Michael C. Hall took a character who’s first episode highlights the fact that he must mimic human life, but has no feelings, and evolved him into something who’s organic transition highlights the very deepest of human emotion. I feel as though I have gotten the rare opportunity to witness a truly groundbreaking phenomenon. I fell in love with this show the first time I watched it, and have been devout to the series. Every episode had me on the edge of my seat. And I know a lot of the fans will not agree with me, but it truly has been amazing down to the last scene.

On that note, I leave you with a list of some of my favorite Dexter quotes:

"There are no secrets in life; just hidden truths that lie beneath the surface." - Dexter

"Keeping the truth from the people closest to you is how you’ll survive, and how you’ll protect them if anything ever goes wrong." — Harry Morgan

"There’s something strange and disarming about looking at a homicide scene in the daylight of Miami. It makes the most grotesque killings look staged, like you’re in a new and daring section of Disney World: Dahmerland!" — Dexter

"Needless to say I have some unusual habits, yet all these socially acceptable people can’t wait to pick up hammers and publicly smash their food to bits. Normal people are so hostile." — Dexter

"Blood. Sometimes it sets my teeth on edge, other times it helps me control the chaos.” — Dexter

"I just know there’s something dark in me and I hide it. I certainly don’t talk about it, but it’s there always, this Dark Passenger. And when he’s driving, I feel alive, half sick with the thrill of complete wrongness. I don’t fight him, I don’t want to. He’s all I’ve got. Nothing else could love me, not even… especially not me. Or is that just a lie the Dark Passenger tells me? Because lately there are these moments when I feel connected to something else… someone. It’s like the mask is slipping and things… people… who never mattered before are suddenly starting to matter. It scares the hell out of me." — Dexter

“I suppose I should be upset, even feel violated, but I'm not. No, in fact, I think this is a friendly message, like "Hey, wanna play?" and yes, I want to play. I really, really do.” – Dexter

“You give me the fucking creeps, you know that Dexter?” – Sergeant Doakes

“People fake a lot of human interactions, but I feel like I fake them all, and I fake them very well. That's my burden, I guess.” – Dexter

“She's the only person in the world who loves me. I think that's nice. I don't have feeling about anything, but if I could have feelings at all, I'd have them for Deb.” – Dexter

“I chose Rita because she is, in her own way, as damaged as me.” – Dexter

“Do I see sheets of plastic in your future?” – Dexter

“The body forms scar tissues to close a would. Eventually scars fade. Who knows? With enough time you might not even remember how you got them.” - Dexter

... And many, many more.

NO REGRETS

I'm about to go on a rant.

I absolutely despise it when people say they have no regrets. Being a tattoo artist, I have people come in and sit in my chair almost daily and either say this phrase or get it tattooed on them. I honestly have to say that I think this is the dumbest thing someone can say.

As a person who has gone through more than her fair share of horrible situations - both self-inflicted and thrown on me - I have regrets. There are times when I should have done something a different way, made a different choice, taken a different path, and I didn't. I have often played the game of should have, would have, could have. And if you can read this paragraph and look me in the eye and tell me that you haven't, I'll call you a liar.

Now with that, I look at these instances of regrets as lessons, and it helps to educate me for future endeavors. These regrets have caused me to no longer have that sweet, innocent naivety that I was blessed with when I was younger. They have caused me to be stronger in a lot of areas of my life where I was once weak. They have also been valuable for the development of character that I hope to one day be able to be proud of.

I'm not going to wash my dirty laundry here on tumblr, but these regrets have led to health problems. They have led to severe emotional problems. And that's ok. Do I drive myself nuts sometimes by thinking about them? Of course I do. But they are there, and I have to own up to them. And learn from them.

So the next arrogant mother f*&%er who walks into the shop and looks at me and says "No Regrets" is liable to get an earful.

Make the money, don't let the money make you. Change the game, don't let the game change you I'll forever remain faithful, All my people stay true

-- Macklemore, Make the Money

This song is pretty much been on replay in my head right now. I've been thinking about how some people change once they have money readily available. I really think it's pathetic to act so pretentious. It's money. Money isn't important. All money does is place a value on something. And the best things in my life I consider priceless. My career, my family, my best friend. All of these things can not be replaced.

I relate that this song is about his struggle to get his art out and heard to the people and how he doesn't do it for the money. I'm the same way when it comes to tattooing. Even if I hit the lottery, I would continue to tattoo. I worked a 'real' job before I got into tattooing. My passion for what I have created is unstoppable, and I don't do it for the money. I am the first to tell people that as long as I can pay my bills I'm content.

Right now, I'm going through a situation where I'm watching people react and change as they come into having their hands on large sums of money. It's disturbing to watch them throw it around like they're better than another person just because they are in a situation where they can be comfortable. I know that I won't be that way. I want to be humble, I want to create, and I want to be around my family.

"And what I mean is that I will no longer let you control me, So you better hear me out, this much you owe me, I gave up my life for you, totally devoted to you while I've stayed, Faithful all the way, this is how I fucking get repaid"

-- Eminem, 25 to Life

First and foremost, it was a long time before I could listen to Eminem. His first few albums were used as a soundtrack to abuse I suffered in a previous relationship. However, as I grew, Eminem grew, and I was able to fully appreciate him as an artist.

When I first heard this song, I was so moved emotionally that I couldn't function behind the wheel of a vehicle. The intensity that he raps and the depth of the lyrics unnerved me. I realize that the song is a transitional song from hip hop to a more meaningful career for Eminem as a musician. It struck nerves in me that relate to various aspects of my life.

I have gone through difficulties in relationships where I've gotten walked all over.

I have gone through intense difficulties with my career.

And every time I feel hurt, manipulated, emotionally abused, walked all over and mistreated. I've reached a point in my life when I quite literally am giving the middle finger to those people, relationships and factors that come about that take me steps backwards. I have learned the hard way what really matters most to me, and I will stop at nothing to make sure that those investments are protected by me.

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