it'll be 5 months next week since we broke up
randomly there are moments, sometimes even days where I think about you. i always feel so guilty when i do. how could i think of you. how could i miss you knowing you never loved me like i loved you. you felt like home to me but i was just another place you passed through. sometimes i think about the moments when you would blabber and i would sit in silence just looking at you. i know you didn't like when i did that but i loved listening to you speak. your voice was my favorite song. i think about the first time we met and how we were still strangers but you made it feel like everything was okay. i think about watching our show in french and although i mostly did not understand i did not mind if it meant i got to lie there next to you. i think about the first time you told me you loved me, it caught me off guard but it quickly became my favorite thing to hear from you. i think about when you opened the christmas presents i got you. i think about you whenever my favorite given songs come on. sometimes i forget about us but then i remember there is no longer an "us". whatever it was it is now starved and has been buried.
you can't imagine the amount of times people have asked me about you. just last week actually someone did and it crushed me to have to explain you were no longer mine. i tell myself you never loved me. you never cared for me. every time i do it hurts but it's just easier than to think you did love me but one day i stopped being enough. i know you said it was never one sided but i don't know. what i do know is i meant every i love you. every drive safe. i was silly and madly in love with you. i only realized this recently but you were my first true love.
i know you have someone new. i hope she makes you happier. i hope that she's not always late because i know how much you hate that. i hope that she holds your hand and it means everything to her. i hope she gets you in the ways i couldn't. i hope she's all you ever wanted and more.
i hope when you remember me, if you ever do remember me, remember me as the girl who loved you so much it made her a little crazy ( the good type). i hope i was your favorite mistake.
