Breadstickcat

Hi I’m Nat. This is my garbage pile.

[80sgaytrashgoblin]

Chuuya's Relationships with the rest of the ADA

Kunikida is obviously his partner. Despite how well they work together and understand each other, they also drive each other up the wall. Kunikida is driven mad by Chuuya's knee jerk reaction to jump into a fight or run off to investigate when he "has a feeling something is wrong," messing up his schedule and dragging him into trouble. Chuuya is driven mad by how Kunikida "has a stick up his ass" and sticks to his Ideals even if it is actively shooting them both in the foot (metaphorically). Despite that, Kunikida does respect how Chuuya's gut instinct is always correct somehow and Chuuya does respect Kunikida's ideals (at least, most of them).

Yosano is one of his best friends. They very frequently get together after work to drink wine and shoot the shit. Early on, Chuuya and Yosano struck a deal where Yosano would practice various torture and medical practices on Chuuya; as a result, Yosano gets more knowledge and Chuuya develops a far higher pain tolerance than almost anyone in even the Port Mafia. This may have slightly skewed Yosano's baseline as to what a normal person's pain tolerance is... a fact which is the frequent topic of her and Chuuya's gossip sessions.

Kenji is Chuuya's favorite. The kid absolutely adores him, and as a result he has special privileges. He's the first (and only) person who hasn't been initially afraid of Chuuya, and Kenji still thinks that Chuuya is the coolest person in the ADA. Because of this, if he needs anything, Chuuya is dropping whatever he is doing to help him. In fact, he treasures the "Coolest Big Brother" mug that Kenji gave him, and it sits on his desk alongside the other "cool city trinkets" that Kenji finds and gives him.

The Tanizakis are a little bit afraid of Chuuya. When it comes down to it, they trust him to have their backs, but he is their elder and member of the ADA's Shittenou. Naomi doesn't cross paths with Chuuya often, but whenever Junichirou is on a case with Chuuya, his nerves get the best of him. Chuuya knows he makes the younger detective nervous and gives him his space.

Gin was Chuuya's favorite before Kenji joined the agency. She actually briefly met Chuuya before he joined the agency, and when they reunited on a case Chuuya was working on, he invited her to take the entrance exam and join him. Since she doesn't have an ability, she's just a clerk; the alter ego who learned to use a knife under Chuuya with a peculiar ability is definitely not her. As Chuuya's first mentee, she got spoiled with him giving her his coat and paying for her uniform. She is absolutely not jealous of Kenji.

Atsushi admires Chuuya a lot. After all, Chuuya is the one who brought him into the agency, showed him some of the ropes and even taught him how to fight and control his ability. While he's obviously learning from everyone in the agency, he gravitates towards Chuuya (which drives Kunikida up the wall), and Chuuya tries his best to be a good influence on Atsushi. Although 'good' is up to interpretation, considering that there have been multiple occasions where Chuuya has given Atsushi alcohol despite being underage (and had Kunikida ream him out for it).

Kyouka is terrified of Chuuya at first. Her first impression of him was Chuuya, full of rage, using his ability on the entire cargo ship to sink it and threatening to kill everyone on board. Learning of his past in the Port Mafia and even before as a 'Portent of Death' and 'The Kamikaze of Yokohama' did not help... but what it did was give her hope. After swallowing down her nerves and talking to Chuuya, she finds that he's actually really nice, even inviting her to talk to him about anything that's on her mind. While still mostly hanging out with Atsushi, she does take him up on that offer many times, and Chuuya absolutely did not cry when she and Atsushi gave him flowers as a thank you gift for being a good mentor.

Ranpo sees Chuuya as one of the few people that can match his intellect and stand on equal footing with him. For the longest time, they were rivals; Ranpo initially heard of this child genius who hung around the police station and "was as smart or maybe smarter than Fukuzawa's boy" and could not let that stand. Even after Chuuya joins the agency they constantly butted heads, with Chuuya viewing Ranpo as an annoying dickhead and Ranpo viewing Chuuya as a hotheaded and stubborn fool. Until one case where, without even needing to coordinate, Chuuya completely understood everything going on and made a plan that complemented Ranpo's perfectly. Since then, Ranpo has acknowledged Chuuya as an equal and they now mostly get along, with their competitions being friendly fun as opposed to an ego contest.

Fukuzawa is Chuuya's boss, and the person he respects most in the whole agency. While Chuuya does keep his secrets, his loyalty to Fukuzawa is as absolute as it was to Mori; if Fukuzawa asked him to jump off a bridge Chuuya would do it without question. It's unsettling to Fukuzawa at first when Chuuya got on one knee to pledge his loyalty and when he saw how dogmatically that loyalty is, but he starts to slowly understand Chuuya over cups of tea and over years of working for the agency. He starts getting glimpses into him through the strays that Chuuya brought in, and starts making progress into getting him to let down the walls and reveal who he is behind them. To Fukuzawa, it doesn't matter that his ability somehow doesn't work on Chuuya, he considers Chuuya one of his own anyways.

Mine and @breadstickcat's OCs under the cut:

Phoebe is one of Chuuya's strays (despite her mentor being Kunikida), as he's one of the few members of the ADA fluent in English. There's some part of her that Chuuya gets that Kunikida doesn't, which drives him up the wall when Chuuya gives her advice or gifts because "he's stealing his mentee." When Phoebe destroys her motorcycle, Chuuya buys her a new one, explaining it as a "congrats on surviving" gift. She is hurt when it comes out that Chuuya's past was a lot bloodier than he had made it out to be, mainly because he didn't tell her, but at the same time she was quick to forgive him because she understood how he felt.

Jay just isn't in Chuuya's orbit, but they do have a mutual respect for each other. Having been one of the oldest members of the agency (hired third), Chuuya appreciates how everything on the agency's back end runs so much smoother after Jay was hired, and Jay appreciates all the hard work Chuuya does for the agency. For that reason, Chuuya doesn't complain when Jay tells him that he's taking a temporary pay cut because he threw a building at a dragon.

[80sgaytrashgoblin]

Did anyone ask for more ADA!Chuuya lore? Yes? Good, here's some angst. Once again borrowing @breadstickcat's OC.

"Where are we going?" Phoebe asked, quickly catching up to Atsushi. Kyouka runs up on his other side, grabbing his hand so she didn't get left behind.

"You'll see," Akutagawa grumbles, keeping a brisk pace as they wove through downtown Yokohama.

"What do you mean, 'you'll see…'" Phoebe cuts herself off with a gasp when they turn the corner, finding a small park. There were a few trees surrounded by overgrown grass, but at the end of the small walkway was a large wall, covered in names. At the top of the monument was written "The Dragon Heads Feud Memorial", and before the wall stands a small plaque, an incense holder and an offering bowl.

"You want to understand the Kamikaze," Akutagawa says, walking into the park. "You can't without understanding the Dragon Heads Feud."

Atsushi walks to the plaque, reading it out loud for Phoebe. "Six years ago, a bloody war between various criminal organizations in Yokohama erupted for 88 days, until the Kamikaze Typhoon wiped out everyone involved in causing the conflict, thus ending it. Over those 88 days, 803 people would lose their lives, including criminals and civilians."

"That's-" Kyouka's face is pale as she lets go of Atsushi's arm. She walks up to the monument, running her fingers under two names. Kyouka's parents.

"It's a typhoon?" Phoebe looks confused as she rereads the plaque.

"No, idiot." Akutagawa takes his hands out of his pockets to cross his arms. "The government claims it's a typhoon."

"It's an ability user, right?" Atsushi asks, stepping away from the plaque.

"Supposedly."

"Supposedly?"

Akutagawa sighs. "The story goes that the Kamikaze was the Port Mafia's Secret Weapon. An ability user with a kill count in the thousands, so powerful that only the Mafia's Top Executives know their identity. Supposedly they killed everyone involved in the Dragon Heads Feud, on top of being the real cause of the deaths involved in the battle with the Demonic Beast Guivre."

"Surely the Kamikaze didn't kill everyone, if multiple organizations were involved in this feud," Phoebe says. "That's too many people."

"Of course not."

Everyone whips around when they heard the voice behind them. Standing underneath the arch that marks the entrance to the park is Chuuya. His mentor looks strange without his hat, his hair unbraided as he wore a plain leather jacket and had a plain bag slung on his shoulder. Aside from the eye-catching orange hair, he looked completely normal.

"Nakahara- I mean Chuuya! Why…" Atsushi trails off as Chuuya walks towards them. He has many questions, but he's not sure he wants any of the answers.

It seems everyone is at a loss for words as they step away from the monument, letting Chuuya kneel down next to the plaque and open his bag. The silence is thick as he lights some incense, placing it in the holder and dropping some flowers in the offering bowl.

"I've been the only one coming here to tend to the memorial for the last six years."

Akutagawa answers his unspoken question. "They were asking about the Kamikaze."

"Well, um, after our mission on the Moby Dick." Atsushi doesn't know why he's sweating suddenly. "Dazai was there. And he told Kyouka something about the Kamikaze. So we're trying to figure out what- who that is."

Kyouka kneels next to Chuuya, her knuckles white as she grips her kimono in her lap. "He said. He said that despite killing a thousand people, the Kamikaze is living in the light."

He hears Akutagawa break into a coughing fit next to him, and he and Phoebe shout "He What-?!" in unison. Atsushi's jaw is on the floor. A thousand people?!

"One thousand and twelve people," Chuuya says. "Four hundred and fifty one of which died during the Dragon Heads Feud."

"That's- how-?" Atsushi is near speechless. Akutagawa is fully speechless.

Phoebe looks over at the names on the wall that Kyouka had brushed the dust off of. "Did- did the Kamikaze kill Kyouka's parents?"

"No." Chuuya meets Kyouka's eyes as he says this. "The assassins that killed your parents were from the Takasekai, the group that started the Dragon Heads Feud." He lifts his hand, running his finger down a number of names beneath Kyouka's parents' names. "There they are."

Quiet blankets the small park again, the only sounds being made by the city around them. Atsushi is struggling to wrap his head around the sheer amount of people that died. How could someone who killed that many people be living in the light?

"That can't be all you wanted know," Chuuya says.

"How?" Kyouka asks. "How do I get rid of the guilt? The pain?"

"You don't. You can't. The grief will stay with you for the rest of your life. You have to learn to live with it."

"How did you learn to live with it?"

Chuuya stands up, helping Kyouka to her feet. "I made a promise. I told myself that for every single person whose life I took, I would help one person in return. And that's what I've done for the past five years. Helping as many people as I can and remembering the people I couldn't.

"It only took three months for me to help thirty five people. It only took five for me to help fifty eight people." Chuuya puts his hand on Kyouka's shoulder. "It doesn't make the grief go away, but every person you help will lessen the pain a little more, until you look back and realize that the good you've done far outweighs the bad.

"Plus…" Chuuya turns Kyouka to face him and Phoebe and Akutagawa. "The more friends you have in the light, the easier it is to get there."

She walks towards them as Chuuya says, "You should head home while there's still light out."

"What about you?" Phoebe asks.

"I have one more spot to go to before I head home-"

"No, I meant." She cuts Chuuya off. "Have you reached your promise yet?"

His mentor's smile is as cryptic as ever. "That's not something you need to worry about."

As he leaves, Atsushi takes one look back at the park behind him. Chuuya is on his knees again, eyes closed in silent prayer, the setting sun making his hair look red.

"You're not the only blood-stained flower growing in the sunlight."

[80sgaytrashgoblin]

I was playing dress up with @breadstickcat's BSD OC. This is my petition to give her gun holsters.

[breadstickcat]

AMAZING

[80sgaytrashgoblin]

Fine, I guess I'll reveal my cringe-fail BSD OC. Her name is Jay and she is single-handedly keeping the ADA funded.

[atsushi-appreciation]

Atsushi Hcs!

Atsushi is colorblind. Red-green, to be specific. Which is one of the reasons he is not allowed to drive. Ever.

He can imitate voices really well. (You know, how cats can imitate their prey?) Yeah. He can do that too.

His eyes reflect light in the dark! This has nearly given Kyouka heart attack multiple times!

Standing ovation to this one. Imagine he only finds out about his colourblindness at the agency, like hey dude you kind of have this condition... How did you get this far in life without knowing

Also I think I talked about that last one in the past, reflective eyes Atsushi is EVERYTHING to me. I love it when he's unintentionally intimidating

[shapeshifterexile]

Imagine: Atsushi has to drive somewhere with Kunikida for example. Atsushi ends up stopping at 3 green lights, runs at least a dozen red lights, and nearly gets into a car accident multiple times. He is thus banned from ever driving a car again.

[atsushi-appreciation]

Boy too embarrassed to say that he can't tell the difference when people say green and red. 3 dead, 16 injured

[kaurwreck]

pm!dazai didn't abuse akutagawa. he reacted proportionately to the threat akutagawa posed to himself.

when dazai smacks akutagawa around in canon, they're running drills. dazai is not hitting him in misdirected anger or because he is venting his own suffering on him. akutagawa does not instinctually protect himself. in his fits of hyperviolence, he seeks to kill and be killed, and nearly is in beast, and in the course of his initial pursuit of atsushi.

he does not have the reflex or will or instinct to defend himself, and he is slow because he is having to consciously process the effort. his automatic reflex is to attack, but that will not stop him from being shot or overwhelmed or blindsided.

what they are doing in those scenes, what dazai is uniquely able to practice with him since rashomon can't pierce him, is not unlike cognitive behavioral therapy interventions. akutagawa is wired such that when he is triggered, he develops tunnel vision, pressing forward relentlessly without registering danger or responding to negative stimuli. this is a pattern developed from when he deemed dearh inevitable, and one which is liable to get him killed regardless of whether he has a reason to live.

he needs to consciously retrain his instinctual response, and he has to consciously and consistently reinforce it against his existing, much quicker instinct. he has to do it before he has the conviction or will to do it. and he has to do it over and over again, even when it isn't immediately life or death, because the instinct is self reinforcing, and the pattern he is trying to supplant it with is not yet.

skills are part of their users' framework for responding to their environment. jun'ichiro is anxious, but he can hide within light snow. kunikida has his notebook, but it has rigid limitations that he adapts to, similarly to how he works within the limitations of reality to keep from becoming consumed by his ideals.

akutagawa's skill, meanwhile, is wildly fucking disproportionate to akutagawa's constitution which is a problem when akutagawa wont react defensively. akutagawa is canonically frail, chronically ill, thin, and short (he's 5'8", but asagiri insists he's itty bitty every time he describes him in prose). rashomon, meanwhile, is monstrously powerful and hungry. it lends a false sense of untouchable violence when akutagawa himself is weak, and also is just really difficult to focus and control such that using it brings akutagawa into coughing fits. rashomon is also terrifying even in visage; it invites others to react with violence proportionate to their terror against the spectre of rashomon — but akutagawa is small, sick, and human; what is proportionate to rashomon is IMMENSE overkill if aimed at akutagawa. which is especially egregious because akutagawa will let them.

in other words, when dazai meets akutagawa, rashomon is as dangerous to its user as to anyone else. skills should not get their users killed. dazai is right. it's a shit skill.

akutagawa is vulnerable and self-destructive, and he and dazai are working to rewire his instinctual evaluation of his stakes. even when dazai punches akutagawa after akutagawa kills the mimic soldier, it's not a random act of violence or unregulated anger. the mimic soldier was not going to lead them to gide, there was no reality where they restrained him before he bit his cyanide, and he'd attacked dazai. but instead of reacting defensively at the opportunity, akutagawa fell to the former instinct, leaving himself wide open.

dazai reacts how he does because:

they are supplanting an ingrained instinct that is self reinforcing, the correction needs to be consistent to change the pattern and the former instinct needs to be discouraged with the same severity as the threat it poses;

by punching akutagawa first, dazai gave him notice and time to consciously muster the defense reaction theyre working on;

akutagawa needs to build an association between the defensive reaction and the triggering stimulus for this to work;

the context in which this happens is the exact sort of threat that rashomon is then ill equipped to handle— gide can see into the future, like oda, and mimic are military trained gunmen.

when dazai tells akutagawa that he couldn't ever defeat oda, he's not taunting him, he's right. akutagawa is relying on swift killing blows, but against someone who can see into the future, akutagawa is as vulnerable as a baby. and then, shortly after, that's what happens: gide wrecks his shit and is about to murder him dead when oda swoops in to grab dazai's dumb horrible baby kouhai who's trying to kill himself with the ambitious gusto of a horse.

as long as akutagawa fails to seek self-preservation, he is remarkably vulnerable. he's weak, and he's going to get himself killed. dazai doesn't coddle him about it for the same reason fukuzawa slaps ranpo for scampering into a police car with a murderer. you dont get praise for self endangerment.

dazai is not going to affirm a version of akutagawa that is trying to kill the boy dazai promised to save.

***

(also, this explains why akutagawa hates taking baths and being without his coat. dazai tried to instill in akutagawa the vigilance to register danger. in his absence, akutagawa strove to be worthy of demanding his approval by diligently practicing. but he's dazai's dumb baby kouhai who. takes things too far lmao.)

[etherealhatred]

[kaurwreck]

the argument of my post is that he did not. abuse implies maltreatment and intentional harm, taking advantage of a relationship to extert control and force, etc. i am suggesting that they have a mutual understanding and that this is an effort they are undertaking together; we do not see those negotiations or conversations, but we see very little of their relationship except for glimpses, and I am asserting that those glimpses of respect, understanding, and affection elucidate the details of the rest. none of this is to say it isn't violent. but they exist in violence, and akutagawa communicates in violence.

I am not holding them to the standard of behavior, communication, and pedagogy applicable outside of the context of genre fiction, and then I am further operating within their circumstances, personalities, environment, and narrative arcs.

thus, in impact, intent, and the characters' perceptions, I am suggesting that dazai did not abuse akutagawa, and that, rather, their dynamic, while not without tension, is not one of cyclical trauma, but of saving oneself through the other.

the crux of my argument and the framework i used to explore this analysis is that when you cut away presumption and artifice, the effect and details of their interactions don't align with abuse. and that when you shift to that lens, there emerges another story, one which, for me, untangled knots that had formed when I'd attempted to understand them through my assumptions of who they should be rather than who they are.

[kaurwreck]

for the record i am a big fan of complex abuse narratives in which all of the contradictions therein are represented, as that is my lived reality. but both of these narratives can coexist here and i think theyre layered so that they exist both in the alternative and in the muddled in-between. i also think it is consistent with this story that there are layers in each of its narratives which permeate into the source material.

this is a layer that i think exists where they are sparring, and in those moments akutagawa is petulant and throws fits at dazai when changing patterns gets hard, and whenever dazai and akutagawa are so much like each other that they communicate less in words and more in withering glares over how embarassing and violating it is when someone understands you that well. 

(btw i love when akutagawa glares at dazai; he's done it a few times and he always aims to kill.)

anyway the fandom does this knee jerk thing where they decide something that is a core part of a character is deeply unhealthy and not the right way to live -- like when people frame kunikida's ideals and rigidity as unhealthy or burdensome. but the thesis of the overarching narrative is that there is no right way to live. so, you find what works for you and you chase it.

the illustration of this i always return to is his arc with kyouka: how akutagawa tries to do for kyouka what dazai did for him, and then IMMEDIATELY backs off when he realizes (i) the degree to which it wasnt helping and that (ii) she found her reason to live elsewhere. his relationship with kyouka just doesnt speak cyclical abuse to me; it speaks to something that worked for him for a long time even if now he's ready for something different with atsushi.

because atsushi really was what dazai was promising him. he told akutagawa that he would give him a reason to live, a path towards a meaningful life. everything before atsushi was triage, a lifeline, a stopgap, something for akutagawa to hold onto while dazai worked out what it would take to save him the way he was then beginning to think he could be saved too.

they understand the dark, ugly parts of each other implicitly. it's why he knew dazai was alive and somewhere in the city during dazai's four year sabbatical from his past. the degree to which what looks like violence objectively is experienced subjectively by akutagawa as affection is made evident by his immediate relapse when dazai resurfaced; by his attempts to slip back into his prior pattern of inverting his self destruction so that dazai would become angry at him over it. not unlike how easy it is to fall into childishness around a nurturing figure, or an older sibling.

but he's too grown and healed for that behavior; which is why dazai did not respond to akutagawa's tantrums. not to hurt him, or to be callous, or as an act of even unintentional abuse. but because akutagawa knew better and was regressing. dazai was well aware his overt attention would have only encouraged that regression. but he didn't withold his affection for akutagawa either; he nudged and maneuvered and brought akutagawa to where akutagawa needed to be to see where he belonged in their maturing, evolving dynamic.

and, if there were any doubt for me that they are communicating in a language to which the rest of us aren't privy, it's resolved by how the above framework makes sense of their conversation below.

akutagawa knows, and dazai knows he knows. because just like they share the same fragile nerves and propensity for viciousness, they share the same overwhelming sense that atsushi might be their will to live, personified.

[breadstickcat]

Genuinely I think Skylanders Academy would've been more of a hit if:

1. The series centered more on later gen skylanders being mentored by gen 1 skylanders

2. THEY STUCK TO THE GAME LORE WHICH RAN SO DEEP AND FUCKED SO HARD

3. Spyro was head teacher and widely regarded as the strongest Skylander, à la Satoru Gojo ("with the sole exception of Spyro the Dragon, of course") to the point where it's almost comical

And, finally

4. Cynder shows up to aura farm once per season then dip

Thank you for coming to my SED Talk.

[kosmogrl]

the secret to life is always having something to look forward to

[kosmogrl]

to anyone saying there's nothing to look forward to, I'm not saying it has to be anything spectacular or huge. it could just be a song or a book that will release in a few days, a tv show, anything!! no matter how small it seems it can keep us going

[gamergirl-lumine]

Someone isn’t allowed to run off alone anymore. 🤣

[lewisdeklein]

Big fan of whatever is wrong with them

[lewisdeklein]

Luring a dog with a treat

[breadstickcat]

"Kyouka would hate Atsushi dating Akutagawa" "Kyouka wouldn't care" "Kyouka would be happy for-" okay but have you considered:

"Crack the sickly goth mafioso. I've become accustomed to expensive chocolates and I can't go back."

[wistfullywaiting2]

It used to drive me insane how a few years back people would act like the scene between Akutagawa and Nathaniel Hawthorne where Akutagawa tells Nathaniel to “Call him Diablo” was Akutagawa picking out an edgy nickname for himself that he wanted to be referred by when in context it was clearly just Akutagawa making a one-off joke that he should introduce himself as the fucking devil to this religious guy he’s about to fight

[cloysterbell]

I like to keep an eye out for bumper stickers whenever I'm on a walk. Here are a few of my favorites

[tattedpetticoats]

[aesteriya]

Oh yeah I drew my beautiful princess last week

[toasthoneyandstardust]

Recently finish a commission for my beloved @breadstickcat !!

We really have the same brain cells because this meme has been in my head for a hot minute lol

Pidge is only semi worried about the people his wife hangs out with on her own time KSNDI

[breadstickcat]

THERE THEY ARE THERE ARE MY BOYS MY SWEET BOYS

[breadstickcat]

BSD musical episode WHEN. A band comprised of gifteds with various mind control abilities that ultimately culminate into song who are trying to destroy the world Decay of Angels style.

A side effect of the abilities is they can trigger random musical numbers unprompted anywhere in the town they are in. Fellow gifted are more likely to experience these. Following the rules of most musicals whenever feelings are too strong for just words.

Dazai is DISTRAUGHT because the abilities don't work on him and he isn't included in the musical numbers. He keeps trying to insert himself anyways but he's off key and doesn't know the words so he eventually gives up and just starts shouting "IM DAZAI!!!" every verse or so.

Kyouka vs Chuuya rap battle WHEN.