And there it was — out in the open everything she had kept hidden away over the years since that fateful day of her departure. So often has she heard that when you finally got something ‘off your chest’ the alleviation would make one feel better. Perhaps to a degree that was true now, if only because Dilan was able to give him the answers to questions she had known he wanted, needed, ones she could assume haunted the man, in a similar way the guilt of leaving him with them did her. But this was a situation far from merely saying her peace and being able walk out of the café with a lightness in her step, as a matter of face, pain that had once been buried as time went on, felt far more laden brought to the surface again. There were weeks – months even after arriving back in her home city that her demeanor felt miserable, outwardly she might’ve been able to mask a pleasant façade, but inside she’d been concave. As though a part of her essence was left behind in Maine, certain colors grew dull, inspiration stifled to the point that projects she’d only spend a draft or two perfecting took half a sketchbook and piles of crumpled paper. For the first time ever, her confidence had felt subpar. Leading to moments where she’d lay in bed and go over the last masterpiece of perfect lines and drawn up possibilities, a prospective date in the corner encased within a heart, the home they’d planned to build together. A schematic that she had even to this very day, pristinely kept within a box in her closet. Time heals all wounds though, at least, after so long she didn’t give herself much of a choice but to move forward, pushing everything as deep as it was willing to go, but certainly never forgotten. Maybe one day, now that they were here, speaking on their feelings and what once was, they’d become a testament to that saying. Maybe down the road they’d be able to look back on what they had with more of a past fondness instead of hurt.
❝ I know, I was just.. making a point that’s all, ❞ Her tone remaining hushed among the stillness of the coffee shop and murmured voices filling the air in the background. When it came to other’s opinions of herself, those that tended to sway on the more negative scale she typically just let roll off like water. Especially true for those who barely even knew her at all to base their judgements so readily. Sure there may be a modicum of truth fused into the spark that sets their perspectives ablaze, but Dilan knew her own truth better than they. Her dark hues had affixed onto Aless after the question, noting the firmness that came with his inflection, words resonating a second or two longer. It’s just about you and me, in fairness he wasn’t wrong, this moment, this conversation was about them — but the two hadn’t been in conjunction with each other for quite a while. She was no longer his just as he was no longer hers, the latter more specifically made evident now that there was another name that went alongside his own. A thought some faint sliver of herself was accepting, regardless if that wasn’t exactly warranted in the first place. In truth she had seen the effect her being here had on him for weeks, and then the sudden air of delight that overcame him. That brightness she knew now was all because he was moving on, blithesome. Just as they’d been before she pulled that rug from beneath both their feet so swiftly. And the topic of her parents had cast a reminder of the doubt that burrowed into her, that dampened their elation and skewed the future. I just needed you. Another pang slices deep into her heart, one blink now sending a pool of tears cascading down with a gentle sniffle. ❝ I’m sorry, ❞ Positive she sounded like a broken record at this point, but she had meant it all the same. ❝ It wasn’t fair of me, but I thought then that it would’ve been the best choice, because I kept thinking.. would it be fair to you if we’re five, tens years into the future and they still acted the same ? If we had built everything we imagined, and they still didn’t accept that I was content with you, sneer and make comments no matter how much I fight with them and get them to actually see you, I just– ❞ she just wanted better for him, stopping herself before she got too worked up however.
The smallest inkling that he’d remark she was what had been better for him, and perhaps that was true a few years ago, though presently she shrouded herself with the brief doubt. She had loved him with her heart and soul that was unmistakable, she would’ve gone anywhere in the world with him, and yet Dilan had let it all crumble. He’d given her every reason to smile and she left him despondent. How could you do that to someone who’d meant the world to you ? Especially for parents that seemed to barely bat an eyelash as to why their daughter had shown up to their door in a heap of tears. Hakan at least gave some decent form of consideration but Elif – god she could’ve sworn her mother had actually looked complacent as if she’d been proven right. Her siblings had been her entire rock in getting through the most difficult days and never had she been more thankful the Ulusoy children weren’t entirely of their parents.
She could only shake her head then when his next response came as to whether or not it was worth the pain the her choice caused, before speaking up again. ❝ No, not at all. ❞ Of course it hadn’t been, no matter the valiant foundation with which she convinced herself was the right move, when the end result had only left them broken and lost. The damage was done however, and as much as she could continue to beat herself up, it wasn’t going to help them, then and now. Even if it were plausible to go back, stop herself, would it change the outcome or prolong an inevitable ? Before Aless she wasn’t even someone who lingered much on the thought of fate, who contemplated what went beyond the realistic present. Yet, just maybe in another universe there was the version of them living out all that they’d dreamed of and more. She couldn’t say for sure. The atmosphere between them was still thick with heavy emotion, but the gentlest snicker managed to escape her throat at what came next. There was always going to be part of him with her, in her heart that is, after what they shared it’d be impossible otherwise. But it was also safe to say, Alessandro DiNatale was someone who’d leave a lasting mark on anyone lucky enough to have him in their life. ❝ I — ❞ Dilan couldn’t quite figure out how to respond properly to his, very unexpected, forgiveness, inhaling a deeply shaky breath then. ❝ Aless, I know that, couldn’t have been easy to say.. nor did you even have to but, thank you. ❞ Every syllable was filled with a disbelieving mellowed cadence, few more tears trickling down as she reaches for a napkin to wipe at some. ❝ For what it may be worth, all I’ve ever wanted and hoped even when we were apart, was for you to be happy and.. I know you weren’t for some time but, I am glad that you’re able to be now, you’ve always deserved the greatest love. ❞
Aless had always wondered what it would feel like finally air out everything that had gone wrong between himself and Dilan. He never was one to think that she’d have to repeat herself like a broken record, nor did he ever want her to have to slump down to begging him for forgiveness, no. He’d always wanted the conversation to be on equal territory where they both could unload the burdens they carried, though all this time he’d always felt he had the heavier burden and Dilan had none to her name, and he couldn’t quite decipher just how wrong he’d been. It was evident in her facial features, the tears that fell that mirrored his own. What a sight it must have been to see two former lovers having their first proper go at saying farewell. It was surreal, the jerk instinct to reach for her hand and hold it within his own had frayed. The care it would take to swipe away at her tears as he had done before in the past when a project was getting to be too overwhelming for her, while he still felt some form of it, he knew it would be crossing a line, one that would blur what was going on while doing a complete disservice to Ofelia, and he couldn’t do that to her.
Instead, Aless could sit where he was across from Dilan, grabbing onto a few napkins from the dispenser at their table and passed them along to her before he secured his hand back into the pocket of his coat, head bowed down to look at the table. This was necessary for their closure, getting it all out whether in words or in tears. Once upon a time, there’d been an unspoken oath between the two of them, one where they would guard and be beside each other no matter the cost, but it seemed that there were certain costs that even Dilan couldn’t set aside and for that he couldn’t fault her for that. The years he’d spent anguishing over what could have been, were now slowly being replaced with what could be now, with someone else who’d given him space, understanding, and amazingly grace even after everything he’d pulled. To know that he’d almost screwed up that shot at happiness, of a love that Dilan thought he so greatly deserved, Aless couldn’t help but chuckle as he shook his head, choosing not to go into the details of how Ofelia had nearly slipped through his fingers because of the hold of their past together. But now, what did forward look like?
He hoped that it was equally as fulfilling as his future had looked, one that now was slowly coming back into color, even colors and schemes he’d learned from the architect herself. “And you know you deserve the same if not more right?” Aless asked softly. “No matter what your parents say to whoever has the grace of knowing you, you don’t have to doubt your decisions anymore. You’ve done so well for yourself and I just...” It felt like it’d been trapped on the tip of his tongue. “I hope whatever you’re searching for, that it finds you and that you get to keep it for as long as you can.” That seemed the best he could muster, before he found himself dabbing at his own eyes with a napkin, fingers lifting to tap on the table they sat upon.
The project at The Inkwell would be up soon, every design, the structure he would know came from her mind and he would be thankful for the overall receival of praise, of how inviting his business was now. She had every right to step away from it, but she hadn’t, keeping things as professional as possible. “I don’t think there’s nothing else left to say then, is there?” He asked, calmly looking into her eyes then. They were tear-laden but almost serene, how long had they both needed this opportunity? He didn’t know, but he was glad for it now.
