2 Months Later
I think I’m in a bit better place. I had a back slide earlier this month, right around the time which would have been our year anniversary. I think I need to somehow fix the relationship in order to be okay. Not fix as in get back together, and not fix as in being friends. But I need to fix it so I stop thinking about it. I had an opportunity to hang out with an old friend of mine over the holiday. Our friendship turned romantic and then blew up horribly. I’ve tolerated being around him in the past, because we have a lot of mutual friends. But recently it’s kind of gone back to how it used to be. Not that I was ever friends with Charlie, it was always romantic, but I would like to get to a place where we are friendly. He doesn’t have many friends, which shouldn’t be my problem, but I do have to accept responsibility for how I handled things. I don’t think I was as kind as I should have been, or as kind as I wish I had been. I let anger and pain take over, and I’m regretful about that. I thought rather than writing some long letter, I’d send a small olive branch and see if he responds. Which was basically just sending him a “Merry Christmas! I hope you’re doing well” text. He hasn’t responded. But I have to be okay with the fact that he may never respond to me. I’ve been working on my resolution for the new year. I think I need to work on being kinder to people and also focus on mending and/or growing relationships that were/are important to me. I still care about him and he was very important to me, so it should be worth making the attempt to fix, in some sort of way. We’ll see. I’m not going to push the issue with him, but the ball is in his court.