Trying the recovery thing again.

Non-Active ✌💛 Find my main blog @greenapplegirl and my recovery blog @wehaveachoice.

[breatheintheskinny]

I have a new recovery blog now.

@wehaveachoice

You can follow me there. I tend to reblog encouraging posts and occasional diary posts.

[breatheintheskinny]

Getting closer to my due date. After that it's just until I can wean the baby. Then I can eat however I want.

I've already gain 30 lbs. My anxiety with it is crazy. I just keep telling myself it's only temporary.

[breatheintheskinny]

I sincerely miss going through thinspo. I miss trying to reach my goal weight. I hate watching myself get bigger and watching the numbers on the scale go up.

I need help. And I don't think I'll ever be brave enough to ask for it.

[breatheintheskinny]

I literally daydream about being about to starve myself again after I give birth. Not sure how I'll handle breastfeeding.

I am getting so huge now, and I'm only going to get bigger. I see it in my face, my legs, and of course my stomach which seems to size up every day.

Just three more months.

[breatheintheskinny]

It's usually around now that I relapse again so I can "look pretty" for the holidays.

But I literally can't, so I've been ironically eating my feelings.

I'm so done with this body. I want a new one.

[breatheintheskinny]

I told my husband that the only reason I'm eating normally is because of the pregnancy. And as soon as the baby comes I'll probably go back to how I was.

He said nothing. He just kept looking at his phone.

Cool, glad we're on the same page.

[breatheintheskinny]

I'm still in recovery. Still not technically active.

Actually, I'm 4 months pregnant. So I've been sort of forced into it.

I was super sick for a full month, unable to move or eat or even drink water. The bathtub, IV fluids, and IV meds were my only saving graces.

I couldn't help but wonder if it was the universes way of punishing me for my ED. It was more likely because I was taking too much progesterone, but eh, tell that to my brain.

So far the baby is healthy, but I'm still not gaining weight. The midwife isn't worried so far, but I am. I'm worried because it makes the sick part of me so happy because I'm terrified of going back to my original weight.

I really need to talk to a therapist but I'm just to scared to do it.

I'll probably be back here after the baby's born... just have a feeling.

Thanks for letting me rant.

[breatheintheskinny]

Seriously considering recovery.

But I also don't see the point if I feel like I'll just relapse again.

[jacobaaronschroeder-deactivated]

Everything I’ve ever let go of has claw marks on it Hand burnt text on silk velvet 42″ x 24″ 2016

[annajoganiyan]

[heartify]

[isthisviolet]

Just a casual conversation between Me and my ed

[starvationxa]

someone: did you eat

me: yes

someone: what did you eat

me: yes

[xxskinandbonesxxx-deactivated20]

The funny part is, you can’t tell if it’s a fasting meme, or a binging meme. Xx

[plummeting-boi]

oh god you’re right

[feattherlighttt94]

😂😭

[skinnysmoke-deactivated20200907]

all the time

[charaznable]

this is a good time to remind you not to call the police on someone having a panic attack or an autistic person having a meltdown or someone with a psychiatric disorder that is “acting crazy” save a life don’t do it

[thegoodvybe]