Willing Change @brian23dennis - Tumblr Blog

This was taken yesterday, but I am so happy with this photograph.

For everything that it is not. My chest is not full, nor thick. My shoulders are thin, just a sheath hiding nearby bone.

Why would I be happy with a photograph that displays my weak spots? Because I no longer view them as a problem. It’s not emblematic of character flaws or gender deficiencies. My performance on the bench press is not a problem. The slightness of my torso is not a problem.

Bodybuilding has settled into just another project I love sinking my teeth into.

Carry on!

#flexfriday @m0tiv8me

These photos were taken by my coach Nick Deacon

At the 2019 NGA Mr Natural Philadelphia

“How do I look?” will never answer “Who do I see?”

Identity vibrates between states, skittling and shaking, hints of vaporous solids anchor the ends. False states are mingled in and overlaid. Aspirations tinged with hope, mislead. Opinion and insight can reveal, but not transmute ownership.

I have a collection of facts, pasted and stapled to each other in the form of a man. He’s a slap dash creature, a lifeless representation set to look like me. I lug him through the world, offer him as proof. The paper puppet I put out to be seen. Is my flesh any more real than this projection? Do I exist between corporeal and consciousness? Am I the energy that keeps the two in flux?

Who am I?

We all are asked this question. Many walk through life in grace, without being nagged by it. If answers tumble out of the sky, fine. If not, so be it. A delicious peace.

Others see the fractures in their masks and wonder what is underneath. I believe one of the cruelest legacy of trauma, is how it distorts dentity. It has also been my greatest gift. To not know has sent me searching. It’s been a journey with cherished adventures.

Seeking the worthiness of fitness is just one of them.

#flexfriday #male identity #bodybuilding #believe #belong #trauma

That’s the cover of my workout book.

It’s just a reminder of why I am on a course.

I don’t need to tell myself to believe, I need to remind myself that under all the noise, I do.

I have a desire to bring out the better me I know is in there. Against all the doubt I throw at myself I believe I have and will continue to get better.

#dreambig #dare