saenz

[brianarae123]

I feel nothing.

My heart craves a lot that doesn’t seem to exist.

When i think of opening up to anyone my stomach feels sick because no one will be her.

That could be a good thing in the bigger picture but right now I cannot stop looking at the past. It still hurts.

Half way into the year and not a second goes by where I’m not thinking about it.

[brianarae123]

I am happy to be where I am but when I am not it is almost like God is punishing me

I miss her every day and there is nothing I can do about it but cry

some tears feel like healing and others feels like I am being ripped apart in half

[brianarae123]

the universe speaks in the saddest ways , it spoke to me about you in songs and expressed its gratitude with a gentle goodbye

I did not want to say goodbye to you

I know it is not either of our fault and that we can only take the moments we had and hold them close... I wish it did not have to be this way

[sulfatto-deactivated20241018]

[sulfatto-deactivated20241018]

[necessary-disorder]

[sulfatto-deactivated20241018]

[rsrsbabe420]

[consecuences]

[brianarae123]

Some times I feel like she kind of just forgot about me, even though she has reminded me that it was not that.

She said she was choosing herself. I can not blame her for the amount of pain I dragged her through would traumatize anyone. I did not mean too..I just never got the chance to heal myself, I won't use that as an excuse. I genuinely regret how I hurt her.

I would give up almost anything to have her come back but the sad truth is that she is not going too.

[brianarae123]

Dear Self ,

You are the strongest person I know. You made it out of the military and that in itself shows how you never gave up even when it was the most miserable. You have people in your life who consistently show up for you. You are uniquely made and so treasured. You get up out of bed and still see the good even when you feel like a thousand things need to be done. You are doing amazing. Everything around is working out perfectly. You are constantly growing into a better version of yourself.

[praying]

[brianarae123]

I know I need to cry. I just don't know where to start or why I still feel like I am carrying something with me.

[brianarae123]

I am grateful for the sky.

I am grateful for air.

I am grateful for traffic.

I am grateful for my life.

I am grateful for the birds.

I am grateful for mobility.

I am grateful for health.

[brianarae123]

I feel like I won't meet my future wife any time soon and that part is okay but when I do meet her I keep thinking she will be warm like a sunset and wise like something I have yet to experience. I don't know who she is but I know she is waiting for me too.

[brianarae123]

I want the kind of love that makes you wake up excited to spend the day together even if that means just watching movies and being lazy.

I want the kind of love that allows you to have slow Sunday mornings with sleepy eyes and soft kisses.

I want a sure kind of love. I want a "I thought of you here you go" kind of love.

I want the kind of love that no matter what we prioritize each other the most.

[brianarae123]

They are afraid of what they don't know and they don't understand what they're afraid of.