BRIANwordSMITH

three whole dollars and pen

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Too Much :written by Brian M Smith

There has to be some utterance of this night worth speaking of. My sordid social situation must not go unsaid. Without borrowing time we find our way out again and again. Hitting all sides of a twirling evening, I spread myself too thin. Unique in fashion our standards fall first. Guttural treacherous tunes, fill the empty spaces we create. Under cover of life our death finds time to wait. Faced with choices no one would make. The speed breaks necks, only if you lose your feet. Pool together some time, for only you to keep. Shake the heavy hand that holds your heartache. Borrow a breath and make room on your chest. It's here and someone let it in. The room is squeezing and smells different than it once was. Running low, in walking distance, of just too much.

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Grand Sleep: by Brian M Smith

String yourself up twice as high as before.

Eventually it will all sink in, somehow, someway, hard.

I shed a skin of fear and doubt.

I imagine you’re here with me again and again.

Only now, I understand heartache.

Let me come in, again.

Once more you mock me.

I have so much to say, if I could only remember.

Can I come in? You, who mocks me?

I drool a little each time you walk away from me.

I am comfortable being your Reversal Of Fortune.

I’d rather live on the stitches than die on the wound.

Cry out for me, only to laugh when you see me.

I wandered into daylight expecting shades of darkness.

Only now, I see through myself, and I don’t like the view.

Tripping all over an already trying day.

Falling headfirst into my treasure of tears.

I draw a breath and sink into our troubles.

Humming that tune we can’t remember.-I don’t even think it existed, anyway.-

Bothering to care a little more, now that you’re here.

Although unhinged, I manage to get faintly comfortable.

Alone on the edge of our bed, I can only dream of sleep.

As I weaken, I reduce the need to heal my body.

Under covers of fear and loneliness, I frantically search for the cool side of the pillow.

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You inside Me, Outside Myself : written by Brian M Smith

I’ve never felt this way before, I’m uncomfortable, however intrigued. I tilted my head to the side as I watched you undress in front of me. Almost confused but quite right where I belong, I’ve become yours tonight. You’re silencing my nervous chatter by kissing and nibbling my lips. Felt up, then turned the lights down, catching one last glimpse of everything. Lying still yet I shake in my boots, I can't explain what anxiously awaits. Only medium in stature, I leaned hard on a larger life. Simple seduction has got me now, in my mind I’ve made you my wife. Sweating now, I am concerned about your plans; you’re twisting and turning. Grabbing and stroking, I’m limping and listless; I’ve become your sexual amputee. Within your words I identify your agenda and devise what a man should be. Pull the sheets tight, I’ve loosened your blouse, watch out for my falling debris. Sinking into your slightly sun-tanned torso, you’re reaching around to grab my ass. Filled with nervous knowledge, I try to copy what you’re doing to me. My experience can fit in a matchbox, but my ego is what you’re now stroking. Softly I sink my fingers into your V, never expecting my head to be crippling me. I mistakenly took what you said as a compliment, yet you were frustrated with me. Still learning the curve as I swing into action; striking out isn’t in my vocabulary. Following your orders, I’ve become more comfortable now that I feel what you mean. Giving me head instead of our daily bread, kneeling down and slightly degrading. Looking down as you're filling up on me, my head spins, and then I see you’re smiling. Instructions come in the form of desire without dignity, I’m kneeling now, I’m waiting. My eyes roll back as I take the hint, your pussy can’t actually be this frightening. Sinning as I find solace, you’re quivering body gives me the courage I need. For our final ordeal, she will need me to smile and shut up as she pisses all over me. I drank down your spirit and surprised even the most degregated side of me. Turn the tables and smile at me, I’ll watch you erect and I think we can agree. I’m in way over my head, as I give you head, lying under the covers, beside you in bed.

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Problems Indeed: written by Brian M Smith

Problems indeed; I shiver at the enormity of my emotional breakdown. Ridiculously struggling to pick up some truth and encouragement all along the way. Outrage in my eyes; I saw myself change myself many times today. I'm tired and torn, I’m rung out and reckless; losing all condition of myself. Untitled and pageless; I am sentenced to literate my thoughts. Now I wrote myself off; unsettled and compromised; I am without words. Telling tales of insane and frenzied characters; recanting it all; I stand truly undefined. Imitating and impersonating; I've cancelled characters of mine; reluctantly, becoming commonly refined. Feeling trapped; I’m stuck inside my own words; now ignorantly imbecilic, I'm dodging my sensible mind. However I press, the button is still broken, exhausting the manual that's hardly in English. I humiliate my instincts and grow tired while on the lamb; forever losing my place, I am actually forgetting what I’ve read. Defining myself by the shrewd slinging of sentences, effacable are these pages of my existence. Politely prying apart my unsettling conclusion and unraveling disposition. Exhaustedly and at long last, I slumber.

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Draw String Baggage: written by Brian M Smith

Under a black and bruised sky; I shudder within I'm torn and I'm spinning; I'm living in sin Heroes and demons and so much in between I'm falling into sickness; I am entirely obscene So sordid are we, our affairs fall first Lengthy and lurid, my fortunes reversed In these eyes, you will see no flame I wear my skin brilliantly; attempting to hide my shame Turn up the tension and decimate your disposition Your heavy head doesn't recognize cognition The medal of a man will disintegrate around him I’m a man, unrelenting; struggling for virtue within Faith* in me, Hope* for another day; Charity’s* a girl with a tungsten tacked tongue We all knew her Lightly, adored her heavily; I seduced another one of her groans Right from the start, winding down; I’ve released all over her left breast bone Whilst we finished our bodily process; all over she bemoans Our siblings might suffocate us; so let the sufferer sleep alone Frozen in my bed, I can't speak, I'm running all the way back home On this porch where we gather, our storied souls sing Well, now I'm up the damn tree; it's where my busted body clings Absence of the patriarch; mother taught me to climb My misinterpretation of the matriarch misconstrued our paradigm Everyone out in the street, I think it's finally time Ballers regret the drink, a little shame keeps me in line Living it out, like the day just won't quit Dying all over the night, I'm repressing a fit Momma said get dressed, it's time to get lit I’ll steal away outside your door; dizzying and spinning, as I emit Flames and a dry eye can reconfigure some sordid stories Dipping in just a toe, now we’ve dammed up the bowery Reaching for just one more, I can hardly breathe it all the way through Last call for the hammer, nailed another severe story, untrue Birth control for the masses, sex changes by apportioning From the stars came the world, but we know it's blown out of proportion Like the flow and the tide, I work my way over each grain inside Pooling together my sympathy, promising to sound better next time Even at the end, we all show our stripes Camouflage our security, for when it's bagged, it's a fight In the scope of the day, everything seems, not quite right In the garbage bag of the world, I'll be holding on for life

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Amidst Our Affair : for Kennedy written by Brian M Smith

How could I commit to my own identity, when so easily distracted by your’s.

I could let you in on a serious secret, or I could tell you the truth again, once more.

Our impending deviant distraction, smothering a weaker one’s soul.

In fashion, yet reluctantly, you’ve parted with your essence, for me and me alone.

I’ve woken again from a terrible slumber, salvation lies only in your misery.

Ever so slightly, I try to capture your attention, as disengaged as you may be.

For the evening alone is cold and menacing; anxiously undressing as I bleed.

Critically conscious; I begin carefully eliminating, the ugliest parts, indeed.

We’re further along than expected, I need to bring it down a notch or two.

As you find comfort in your body; I’ll be meddling within your sensible view.

Without instructions, the intimacy is more difficult than I ever knew.

Tangled in a sensitive streak; I caress your thoughts as we make love, on cue.

Deep thoughts choke on shallowly measured passion; peevishness sets the pace.

Sweet sophistication slashed by unrelenting presumption and disgrace.

Under your thighs amidst the milk and honey, I’m caught leaping from grace.

Looking back towards it all, exhausted and exposed, finally we embrace.