Ramblings, Ravings, and Rants From An RN Student @brifred - Tumblr Blog

What World Diabetes Day means to a type one diabetic....

On November 14th Frederick Banting was born. In 1921 he and Charles Best discovered and isolated insulin in a lab in Canada. Today, November is diabetes awareness month and November 14 is World Diabetes Day. It is supposed to be a time to raise awareness, but let me tell you what it really means.

In the almost 100 years since insulin was discovered we have been given better insulin and better technology. I wear an insulin pump that continually gives me insulin. The pump talks to my continuous blood glucose monitor. This monitor reads my blood glucose every 5 minutes. If it is too low, my insulin pump will suspend insulin delivery. This has saved my life countless times. My insulin pump is smaller than a cell phone and charges like one. Go ahead, be jealous that Iron Man and I have something common. We’re both kept alive by by a piece of technology and a key molecule. It’s pretty cool.

However without that initial discovery, my pump wouldn’t matter. My glucose monitor wouldn’t matter. I’d have never finished my first year of college. I’d never go to nursing school. I’d never pass NCLEX and become a nurse. I’d never see my sister get marired. I’d never go to Amsterdam. I’d never adopt my cat (shout out to Minnie Moo). I’d never get my first “big girl job”. I would be dead. That’s not an exaggeration.

So on this day, I am grateful for those determined scientists. I am grateful they sold the rights for $1 to make insulin accessable. I am grateful for technology that makes diabetes easier. Mainly, I am grateful for my life.

How do you thank someone for your life, though? It’s priceless. It’s so much more than just one thing. It’s all the things I got to do because of what they did. The only words I can think of are thank you. Thank you, for all the experiences I’ve had because you gave me my life.

So, to answer the question. World Diabetes Day means my life. As it is and how it will be.

Two Words

Hello internet world. Here’s a little story that I hope teaches you something. This weekend was my weekend to work. This means I dutifully gave up my time away from my own family and friends to to take care yours or someone like yours. I chose this job. So I ain’t that mad about it.

The benefit (or sometimes downfall) of working 3 days in a row is that you get the same group of patients every night. I had the pleasure of caring for one patient for 3 nights who was wonderful and kind and appreciative. Their attitude was better for someone in their circumstances (that’s all you get because HIPAA yo) than most people’s would have been. I’ll call them Patient A. Another patient I had the pleasure (sarcasm font here) of caring for was rude, hateful, and sometimes uncooperative. The complete opposite of A. I’ll call them Patient B.

Upon leaving this morning and introducing Patient A to their day nurse they gave me a hug and said “you are the best nurse. Thank you for everything.” They almost had tears in their eyes. Then they gave me the box of cookies they didn’t want. Patient B did no such thing. Like imagine the opposite.

The thing is I gave them the same standard of care. There was nothing I did differently. After a long weekend of busy patients and dealing with someone who was not greatful for my care, those two words meant everything to me. Enough to bring tears to my eyes as I drove home this morning.

It’s funny how one patient can break you down and another one can build you up. The next time you find your self needing medical care please remember to say thank you or at least be kind. We know you don’t feel good and things are frustrating a lot of the time, but ALL of us nurses, doctors, PAs/NPs, RTs, PT/OTs, and everyone else in the medical field are doing the very best we can with often times limited resources. We usually feel like we did the minimum and could/should have done more(even though it’s not true). We are as frustrated as you. But we care. Deeply. Genuinely. So, to hear those words means more than you can ever imagine.

Be kind, rewind

I’ve struggled with writing this for the last few weeks, but it’s been laying on my heart so I’m going with it.

Every time you turn on the tv something turmoltuous is happening. A mass shooting, a hurricane, the president saying or doing something, a scandal. This usually is followed by a barrage of Facebook posts and tweets. Which is then followed by someone responding in a vicious way with a name because they disagree. I think my heart hurts more seeing how terrible people are to each other (usually complete strangers) than from the actual event. There is so much hate and nastiness being put forth.

I may not go to church every Sunday or read the Bible regularly but I did go to Sunday school. The thing I remember from the those days is that God is about love and kindness. Not judgement and name calling. Whether you believe in God, Allah, or Oprah it’s a very simple idea. Be kind to each other. “Love thy neighbor as you love thy self.”. If you’re not religious it’s the golden rule. “Treat others the the way you want to be treated”.

There is no caveat to those statements. It’s not, be kind to people unless you disagree with them. It’s not, be kind to people unless you’re having a bad day. It’s not, be kind to people unless they’ve been mean to you. It’s simply be kind to people.

I see so much preaching about we need to come together and unite. Then I see someone calling someone they disagree with a name. We aren’t all ever going to agree. Or saying they refuse to work with people of certain groups. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Even if we think they are wrong. They still deserve respect.

Until we can get back to this very basic idea we will never begin to fix the issues the we so desperately want/need to. Let’s start with another golden rule...”If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all.”

At the end of the day we are all deeply flawed people. We need to give each other a little more grace and patience. Sometimes if you’re kind you find out that a person is actually really cool and interesting. It’s worth it. Plus it’s a lot easier to be kind than carrying around anger and rudeness. I’ll end with one of my favorite quotes.

“Faith, hope, and love are some good things He gave us. The greatest is love.”

Also here is a picture of my fluffer, Minnie because she’s cute and makes me happy .

macgyvermedical

Working in Healthcare

Like working retail, but every single customer is hungry, in pain, sleep deprived, and has expectations on par with the service at an exclusive, 7-star resort.

Also, everything is beeping.

Loving myself

Life is good right now. I feel like I’ve finally made it. I have a job that provides an income to live life comfortably. I have friends who make days off worth it. I thought I might not like living by myself, but I’m actually enjoying it. I do what I want, when I want. There’s no one to answer to. It’s great. I used to worry about being alone when all my friends have boyfriends, fiancés, or husbands. However I think I’m going to date myself for awhile. I need to learn to love myself before I can love someone else. I give so much of myself to my friends and family. Heck my entire career is about giving to others. Don’t get me wrong. I love being a nurse (most of the time). I love my friends and I would do absolutely anything for them. I just find that as much as giving to people really does fill me up it simultaneously drains me. This is also the time in my life where I think I'm allowed to be a little selfish. Your twenties are about discovering who you are as a real and whole person. Learning what's important to you in friends, significant others, and just in general. This is the first time in my life where I actually have complete independence. I don't need to answer to anyone else. Not for money. Not for happiness. I only need to answer to me. For now me says I like this whole going to the gym and then sitting outside on the porch listening to music. Maybe reading a book. Maybe not. Maybe seeing friends. Maybe just making dinner and enjoying a glass of wine by myself (ok, with Netflix) and then going to bed at a decent time. Right now I need to give back to myself and treat myself well. I've always been independent, but this different. I need figure out how to be me without anyone else. That’s what I’m going to do. Here’s to loving myself and learning my worth.

Nurse Fred

I've been working as a nurse for almost 2 months now (it still feels weird to type that). My emotions have run the gamut. I've been elated, terrified, sad, stressed, and everything in between. Mainly I've been humbled. Nothing is more humbling than being told your thought process or way of doing something is wrong (or inefficient, at the very least) multiple times a day. I've had a lot of firsts in my 2 months. The first time I got to pull a PICC line. The first time I had to call a rapid response for my patient. The first time I had a family member come up and thank me. The first time I got chewed out by a doctor (it wasn't even my fault). I've gotten to meet and work with so many great people. Everyone has been welcoming and kind. I don't feel like a stranger. People know me and I already know people in several areas of the hospital. Even when I have days where I'm overwhelmed and can't seem to do anything right I still want to come back. Caring for people gives me so much joy. I like being able to help even if it's just by bringing a warm blanket when they are cold after surgery. My road to this career and this job was long and arduous, but I'm glad to have finally made it here. I'm even more excited to see where else it takes me.

I told myself I was done posting and talking about politics, but I found I had more to say. I was also once told my open mindedness and unique view of the world is something I should share. So here I am sharing…. I’ll preface this by saying I didn’t vote for either candidate. Yes, I was one of those “idiot, assholes” who voted third party in a “protest vote”. That right there is my reason for writing this. I’ve seen a lot of people who are unhappy (to say the least) with the outcome of the election saying things about Trump supporters or even third party voters that are unfair and untrue. I’ve had the opportunity to get to know a lot of people from different walks of life than my own. I have friends who’s parents are immigrants, friends who are part of the privileged upper/middle class, friends who are part of the hardworking middle class, friends who are devout Christians, friends who don’t have much to do with religion at all, and friends of all races. Each of them had their own unique view on the world based on these experiences, and each of their views was different than mine. That differing view did not make me think less of them. In fact I took it as an opportunity to learn about things I didn’t understand, having not experienced it. They were all amazing wonderful people who taught me so much and allowed me to expand my own world view and opinions. I understand that many of you are feeling fearful of what is to come. I wish I had the words to reassure you that things will be ok. All I can offer is my on going love and support and the knowledge that the sweeping changes you are fearful of cannot happen overnight and can be stopped if they were to happen. I understand that others of you are just simply upset and angry. You are allowed to have any and all of those feelings. What you are not allowed to do is attack the other side. The second you do that you lose the ability to have any kind of productive discussion with them to fix the real problems. By attacking them you are exhibiting the same behavior you condoned trump for. If you’re really about including everyone you have to include them to. So take a deep breath and some time. Then try to understand the other side and have an adult discussion with them about the issues. We need to respect each other and try to understand each other, and that is something we can all do regardless of who is president.

What no one told me about post-grad life...

I have officially been a college graduate for 4 months, and a registered nurse for 2. I’m slowly settling into my new life in Kansas. it has been nice to reconnect with old friends, but I’m still waiting for it to feel like home. Moving back to my dad’s has been tough. I miss having my own space. Working at Walgreens is still the same old shit, just with new people,.

I’ve put in a few job applications to the local Children’s Hospital, but haven’t heard back. Mainly I feel anxious, lost, and confused. Having a lot more free time is great, until it isn’t. I’m used to a schedule. I dreamed of nothing but graduating and having my nursing license. Now I have it, and I’ve never felt more lost and with out direction.

Worry about your self

When I was little and got upset about something my sister was doing and would try to tattle my dad would always say “worry about your self, not your sister.” After hearing it so many times as a child the lesson sunk in and I took it to heart. A lot of people like to get caught up in what people are wearing or doing or saying or how they live their life. They get all bent out of shape because someone else, who they probably don’t even know,has made a personal choice about how they live their life. I, on the other hand don’t like to caught up in that kind of stuff. Yes, I see the interesting outfit choice someone has made but I choose to keep my thoughts to my self and don’t spend my time dissecting their reasoning behind the selection. When someone tells me they are interested in something obscure I don’t find it weird or consider them weird, it’s just different. In fact I enjoy learning about what they are interested in and hearing them talk about it. Listening to people talk about their passions with you is a unique and beautiful thing. Right now I think this country needs this lesson. We are a country so full of hatred and division. Let’s get back to basics. Instead of spending energy hating people for personal choices they make that don’t actually have any impact on our own lives let’s worry about our selves and whether or not we are being kind, good, honest, and hardworking people.

I want a guy to look at me the way Chuck looks at Sarah

#chuck

lebanahdude

I just finished Chuck and I don’t even know how to function as a person anymore. That ending was more brutal than anything I’ve ever watched.

downhilltumble

Zachary Levi, the cutest man on earth

Once again I can't sleep because there are so many thoughts in my head. I'm still struggling to figure where my skills fit into nursing. One thing I do know is that I want to be able to look into a child's eyes and say "me too, I get it. I really do." Because I feel like hearing that makes a huge difference in a child's life when they have a chronic illness. It's something I missed growing up and still yearn for now. If saying that to one child could make them feel better and live a better life then I would be forever happy.

I look at pictures of different places and with every fiber of my being I want to be there in that picture and to experience everything in it with all five of my senses. I want it so badly it hurts deep down in my soul.

Sometimes I wonder if I picked the right path when I chose nursing. The anxiety of graduating in May and being responsible for my own patients and not having someone check behind me or catch something I miss keeps me up at night. I worry my skills are not where they should be as a senior nursing student who is graduating in a month. Even when I do something right, I can only focus on what I could have done better. Yes, no one is ever perfect, and we should always strive to be better. I feel like I have no room error. A simple mistake, like carrying an IV pole wrong leaves me feeling like the worst person ever.

Each time I precept I still get anxious and clam up a lot. Little newborn babies terrify me when they come in. I adore them, but touching them and holding them is terrifying to me. In spite of this I still very much want to do peds. Yet, I find ways to avoid doing rectal temperatures because for some reason it terrifies me. I can’t seem to get past this simple basic skill.

Everyone says they feel the same way, but I often wonder if they feel it to the extent I do. I hear all the cool things they are doing and learning and I feel like I haven’t grown. I know I am my toughest critic, but sometimes I can’t find a reason not to be.

#nursing school

nurse-x-ramblings

The Other Side in Nursing

What the nursing student sees:

A clinical that is going to be very stressful. A demanding patient with a very demanding family, fellow students who know the answers to everything, an educator, who only seems to call on favorite students - and sticks the quiet reserved people with the know it alls. I don’t see how I’m going to be able to do this. I don’t see how patients will trust me. I’ll never pass NCLEX. Maybe I picked the wrong profession.

What the nursing educator sees:

A nursing student, quiet, who will one day be an exceptional caregiver, but for now, isn’t comfortable speaking up. One day she will be. A group of vocal students who may take the pressure and fear off the introverted students - for now. Student pairings on patient care that not only allow the extroverts to assist their fellow student introverts with the overwhelming stress of direct patient care and questions, but also the quiet ones to broaden the vocal ones to situations where silence and pause is sometimes the best skill in nursing. Patients & families who will challenge the students, but it would be remiss to assign only sweet and respectful ones, for they will encounter a broad spectrum of patients, and here they have the unrelenting support of their instructor, even if they don’t always see it. They are not alone, we believe in them.

What the graduate nurse thinks;

I’ll never be able to do this. What was I thinking, this is too much. I can’t take care of all these patients. Why did we only have one patient each clinical in nursing school? What do I do if someone crashes? What’s the policy of IVP for lasix? How am I ever going to remember all the meds I can push and what I can’t? How am I ever going to be ok with sticking people for blood or IV’s? I suck at this. I need to pee. But I’ll never get all this shit done in time. There isn’t enough hours in the shift. I really suck at documentation. I’m scared to transfuse a patient. Where’s the lab again? Where’s the ABG kits? Why are there no spoons? I can’t find anything here. What’s the stupid code to the med room again? Why are there so many confusing combo codes? What’s the bleeping sound? I just came out of the room! When will I get my own flow? When will this all make sense? Why do I have this patient? He’s so very sick and doesn’t deserve to have someone so inexperienced. What if he codes? What if no one helps me? Can I have more orientation without them thinking I’m an idiot? I think my preceptor hates me. How does she do this every day? How is she so calm? How does she get everything done on time? I suck at giving report. I suck at being a nurse. Why did I choose nursing?

What the preceptor thinks:

I remember this feeling. She will be ok. She’s new and she’s learning, I don’t give a crap if Nursing Education wants to push her to take more patients too fast. She isn’t ready yet. It’s not because she isn’t going to be a good nurse, but because she needs time to take it in, and more support. She will be an exceptional nurse, but she doesn’t believe me yet. I remember what it feels like to be new, to be anxious, to be so overwhelmed, to want to quit. I believe in her, I hope she one day believes in herself.

gublernation

my impression of a sunburnt foot photographed by robyn von swank

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Ramblings, Ravings, and Rants From An RN Student