To my Daddy that was
I donât know if youâll ever read this, Daddy, but here goes. Iâm sorry we fell apart, Iâm sorry I couldnât make you happy. Itâs been 9 months since you told me you were leaving and the bad dreams keep on coming. I wake up in the night in a sweat, having dreamt of all the amazing memories we have and then almost choke when I realise that thatâs now all they are, memories.
I know youâve moved on now, and even deleted your Tumblr. At first it killed me to see you with her, but when I see your smile I canât help but be thankful that youâve found happiness, thatâs all Iâve ever wanted for you.
Please know that I have loved you from the second I met you and I always will. Not a day goes by that I donât think about you, what youâre up to or what youâre thinking. I miss you so much it makes my heart ache. I never meant for it to end this way.
Although I love you, I canât forget how much you hurt me. You left me just like that, no warning and an explanation that was so cruel your words still haunt me. âSo casually cruel in the name of being honestâ. The weight loss, the self harm, the hospital admissions were not worth it because at the end of the day, none of that brought you back I just didnât know how to deal with the pain of loosing you.
I really hope that one day, we can talk. Just as friends. I hope that we can catch up with our mutual friends and laugh like we used to.
I like to think that slowly I am healing. Iâve met someone too, who holds me when I cry and doesnât mind that I am the most indecisive person on the planet. But in order for my new relationship to work, I must let go of you.
Maybe one day weâll meet again. Maybe you wonât remember me. Iâll always remember you.
Baby.
