Head in the clouds

This is my journal where I vent all my feelings.

[brokenanddreamfilled]

Man, it feels great when I have a fever and having panic attacks and then when I try to get cuddles from my boyfriend, he just shoves me off acting like I'm invading his personal space.

[brokenanddreamfilled]

I'm just not sure anymore.

[brokenanddreamfilled]

I feel sick and nervous... I'm so untrusting. I just really hate smoking...

[brokenanddreamfilled]

It's times like these when I want to go numb to the world. Lay in bed, take some vicodin, and let the warmth and numbness fill my body. Have my mind slowly drift away while listening to music. Letting my worries stay behind with my conscious self.

[brokenanddreamfilled]

I'm having horrible panic attacks, why do you feel it's necessary to harass me. Show your face or go away.

[brokenanddreamfilled]

Well, I'm at an impasse. I've been put in a situation that I really shouldn't have. I don't know if I should stick up for this person, or not respond cause I don't want something like that on my tumblr. 

[brokenanddreamfilled]

I really hate love, it makes me feel so anxious and sad. It's really nice to have, but it really tears my heart apart.

[brokenanddreamfilled]

I should really stop thinking, cause it's making me annoyed at fucking everything. I kinda just want to cry right now...

[brokenanddreamfilled]

I got a job, I should be happy about it, but I'm not... Is my depression really that bad?

[brokenanddreamfilled]

I'm so fucking tired of people saying their life sucks and they hate this and that about their life. People should just be thankful for what they have, cause there is always someone out there that has it worse than you do. I'm so envious of people that have had a blissful and ignorant childhood, fuck I'm just jealous of people who have had an actual childhood. Hearing my friends say that their life sucks and their parents are horrible when their parents are actually supporting them. I understand that their parents might be mean people, but at least be thankful for what you do have...

[brokenanddreamfilled]

I'm so worried and scared right now.

[brokenanddreamfilled]

I honestly think that was a bit unnecessary, but honest is good, but being a cold dick is not. You completely ignored any sign of affection I gave you even though you said earlier you needed me. I'm sorry I have horrible anxiety that you don't understand, but that doesn't give you a right to treat me like shit for it. I love you, but I don't love that.

[brokenanddreamfilled]

I'm really tired of life right now, I feel like giving up. Not killing myself or anything, but just laying down and not doing anything again. I'm kinda giving up.

[brokenanddreamfilled]

I love you, but can you please stop talking about her and how prefect parts of her are? It makes me feels crappy and like I'm only second to her.

[brokenanddreamfilled]

Wow, I don't think I've been in this happy for a period of time in a long time, it's nice.

[brokenanddreamfilled]

Well, I feel really sick to my stomach and just really crappy in general. I guess I'll try to just go back to sleep...

[brokenanddreamfilled]

I love you.