I feel so scarily empty

seen from Germany
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I feel so scarily empty
Lately I've been in an in-between mood. Nothing too bad has happened. Nothing too good either. Why am do I feel so hollow? Why do I still feel off? I have happy moments, but when I'm alone, I just want to disappear. I am also actively choosing to not listen to sad music or shows because I know it'll send me into a dark hole. I also can't stand to listen or watch happy things because it boosts my mood for a few seconds and then sends me into the darkest hole. I don't know what to do. I don't like this shakey line that I'm trying to stay on. I feel so unstable because I keep getting out of control.
I've been feeling so numb resently and I don't know why
eminem ruin numb for me everytime i listen to it. i’m sick. i need to find a solo version asap
Numb (feat. Mothica) - Waveless
feeling some sort of way and it is NOT good.