My Story

I have cleft lip and palate and other facial deformities and I would love to share my story and offer any advice to those of you who are struggling :)

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Don’t ever put your happiness in someone else’s hands. They’ll drop it. They’ll drop it every time.

Christopher Barzak (via mysimplereminders)

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Why make up matters

So I haven’t written about anything all that personal for a while, although I have been meaning to. 

My last CLAP post got a bit of support, which I am very thankful for. I felt like I had to write something during the awareness week.. 

I guess this time is a little bit more of a reflection than anything else. 

I used to be adamantly against make up for myself. Like, obsessively so. I’d refuse to wear any kind of make up (partly because it didn’t feel right on my skin) and also largely because of how I was taught I should wear it. 

There’s this mentality I feel like (probably a lot of people) with a cleft faces. Lipstick. What do we do with it? How can we use it? Why would we draw attention to a feature of our face that has caused us so much emotional pain over the years. 

So for a really long time I was like this. I then realised my concerns were more because of how people told me to wear it. ‘You can cover your scars, define your lip, you could look so much better with it.’ While I know the aim of make up is to enhance features, why should I live in a world where I’m taught that I should hide my birth defect? It’s who I am. It’s who I’ll always be. 

Then I came here, to university and I don’t know what it was but something clicked in me. I could use make up, I could wear eye liner, mascara but above all I could wear lipstick. I started off with pink, then coral and now red. I now wear red lipstick. Not every day, but I can wear it. Now most people won’t understand the significance of this and I really don’t expect them to. But to me, that was a massive step in finding myself, being comfortable in my own skin and making a statement. 

Yes, I was making a statement. People have drawn attention to my lips all my life negatively and now I’m walking the streets with red lips asking you to even try and bring me down. I’m drawing attention to myself. I’m in control. 

This is why make-up matters. Make up empowered me. Lipstick was my way of finally defeating the bullies in my life in my head. I don’t use it as a crutch, I don’t use it to even cover my scars. Infact I never do, I follow the natural outline of my lip and never use foundation to cover my scars. I will never let someone tell me how to present myself again.

This was probably a shock to my friends. I can imagine a lot of people have a distorted sense of why I’m wearing it. Some may even disapprove! But this is why I have and this is why I won’t stop.

[thecleftchronicles]

I had a very similar experience. I wore make up as soon as I was allowed mainly because of acne and stuff but my doctors told me from a young age that it didn’t matter if my scars were noticeable because I could cover them with make up when I got older. Now I just bought myself some lovely reds and maroons and all kinds of dark colors because if I want to draw attention to the lips that have been cut up, cracked, bruised, bloody, and stitched up to look like this, then I absolutely will. Thanks for sharing your experience with make up, friend!

[thecleftchronicles]

Lately I've been worrying a lot about if I'll still be able to be a good kisser with my bilateral cleft lip/palate. I've never been kissed before but I don't have a whole lot of feeling or movement in my upper lip and I'm worried that it'll be a hindrance once I do get to that point. Thoughts/advice?

I have also never been kissed so I am personally not much help.

I didn’t realize it’d be a problem until I was telling someone about how I can’t quite shut off all the air in the original hole in the roof of my mouth (I 90% of the time can now) and she asked me how I kissed like that and I was like ??????? I don’t????

But yeah. Other clefties who are kissers please help a friend out and give some advice!

[brookesy95]

I have kissed a few times (I’m unilateral), and I’ve been told I’m a good kisser by some people so it could be a blessing in disguise! xx

[brookesy95]

I’ve been thinking...

I’ve been going through a rough time recently. I’m 19 and at Uni, watching many of my friends fall into relationships and finding a guy that I like myself, but I don’t think the attraction is mutual. And that is the exact problem! For many years now I have kept repeating in my head: ‘No guy is ever going to find you attractive, you are not going to have a boyfriend, and you are definitely not going to be married’. I got it ingrained into every part of me, thinking I believed it, I understood it and I could move on and focus on my career, because right now that side of my life couldn’t be going any better. But deep inside, I want to believe that I’m wrong, I want to feel a glimmer of hope that one day a guy will say to me “you’re beautiful”, whilst he is sober and in clear light. I say this because I have got with a fair few guys in clubs over the past year. I’m not proud of that and I regret it every time. When drunk, I just want to feel that attention and for that moment that I’m with them I feel beautiful, but it never lasts long. The next morning I feel awful, I feel like I have betrayed them because they never saw me clearly and if they had, they would have thought twice about calling me beautiful or kissing me. Yet I still do it, time and time again, because I’m that insecure that even though I know the guy doesn’t know me at all, I need some sort of hope. I saw a quote yesterday: “Don't accept the love you think you deserve. Learn to love yourself before anyone else!”. I think it sums things up perfectly right now. I don’t love myself, I have no confidence in my appearance. When I meet new people or make new friends it is less of a problem because I try to be outgoing, I act as though there is nothing wrong with me and I’m just like them, and it works, because friendship is never based on appearance. I make an effort when I go out, I get dressed up, I do my hair and I put makeup on. But that is the other problem, I try to conceal my deformities as much as I possibly can - because I’m ashamed. I try to make people like/love someone that isn’t truly myself because I’m trying to hide a major part of what is me. I hate myself for being so false, but I don’t have the courage to walk out of my front door without a little bit of concealer to cover the redness of my nose at least. I’ll never be able to hide the shape of my nose or lip or my wonky eyes, but I keep telling myself that hiding the redness of my nose makes all the difference. I don’t just want to be in a relationship for the love and companionship (that is the main reason) but I think deep down I want it because it will make me feel like I’m the same as all my friends, like I’m not an outcast. This is ridiculous though because nothing else makes me feel like an outcast, I’ve got the most amazing group of friends and I’m achieving my dream of becoming a vet. I feel so ungrateful for wanting more, when some people will look at my life and think how lucky I am, and I’m too young to be getting so bothered about being in a relationship, but I’ve never looked in the mirror and been truly happy. I make out to everyone around me that I am, but I think the pressure of never being able to find love is slowly breaking me down, when I thought I was too strong for that to ever happen. I’m tired of acting like everything is ok. I’ve constantly tried to avoid admitting to myself that deep down I’m not happy. My friends always tell me “you’re beautiful” but it’s never the same (although I do appreciate the kindness), some say but you’re so clever, lovely and kind. But the society we live in today often values beauty more than any other compliment. So if someone lists compliments of your personality, you feel insulted because they missed out beauty. Why can’t we accept that we are perfect without the mention of looks? Right now I can’t because others aren’t doing so when looking at me.

[animalsnaps]

[therelatableimages]

If you’re a teenager, you will love this blog!

[mostlybrodie]

Every time you tell your story, the further you are out, it’s almost like you’re talking about somebody else. You get a different view on it. You get a little distance from it and it continues to heal you.

Cherri Ellis (via

dftbbrodiekate

)

Some of you are getting very close to the end, are just on the other side, or are thinking it will never end.

When I heard this from a breast cancer survivor, I couldn’t believe how much it resonates with other life long medical experiences. I couldn’t believe how much that is exactly how it feels to be done with repairs.

(via thecleftchronicles)

[hplyrikz]

Clear your mind here

[brookesy95]

Cleft Lip and Palate Awareness Week 2015: My Story

I hope that this will inspire some of you to share your story.

My story. I want to inspire young people with Cleft Lip and Palate to share their story, then maybe together we can provide hope for the future to those who feel they are worthless

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black & white quotes/GIFS

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Love quotes? you must follow this blog!

[c-isnenegro]

[inspireallday]

I know how lonely it can get at times and how it feels like your ribcage is caving in. Yeah your friends and family are there for you but it’s tough, walking down the street and you see the lovers with their blushing cheeks trying to sneak a kiss. It’s even worse at night when your thoughts have time to broadcast all of your insecurities. Falling in love is not the end-all, be-all. I promise. You have your whole life ahead of you. You’re going to graduate college, you’re going to live out on your own, you’re going to get a job you hate and you will get a job you love. You’re going to travel and meet people. You’re going to look into the mirror and see yourself the way you’ve always wanted people to see you. You’re going to see sunsets and sunrises. You’re going to celebrate birthdays and Christmases and Fourth of Julys. Falling in love is wonderful but it’s just one experience out of the many you will have. Just wait, you will find someone one day with whom you can share all of these wonderful experiences that you’ve had and they’re going to love you even more for it. That person will love you as much as you love them and treat you so well but for the time being remember that you still have your wonderful life to live.

(via newyorkchris)

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Everything I love here

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<3 

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