Bruce Time

Hi my name is Bruce, I also go by PeeWee Munch. I'm an opinionated puppy and I will be making daily posts about my thoughts on life.

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I feel like every time I sit next to this plant, I'm doing it a favour. The plant seems to grow faster and brighter and just overall seems happier. My beauty shines on it and gives it more light than the sun ever could. I just read over my post and now that I see it written down I realize, wow I am amazing. Also, no I was not proof reading it, I don't make mistakes.

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This is during one of my first nights in my new home. My peoples were trying so hard to get on my good side, it was embarrassing. They showered me with toys, probably thinking that would do the trick. Then they presented me with this bunny. It was the most glorious yellow bunny with a squeaky belly. It had the most beautifully patterned ears and a fluffy tail that I liked to suck on. Every time that I heard bunny squeaking my heart would flutter and I would run to it’s side. Sometimes I would wander around holding bunny, crying because I was so happy, I loved that bunny. Then I killed it.

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Apparently I’m too hyper right now. My peoples tell me that it’s too late to be diving around the house. They’re over exaggerating, I’m just jumping to each of my toys, one by one, that I’ve strategically placed around the living room. This is how I ensure that I get play time in with each toy before drifting into a glorious slumber. Again, nobody gets me.

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Hi, how’s school going, I wouldn’t know. I was born knowing everything so I found school to be a waste of my time. Some people might be wondering why I’m wearing a backpack if I don’t go to school. Let me tell you, one, I look irresistible in it with the way the straps gently lay across my boulder shoulders, It’s simply too much for some people to handle. Two, Bear goes to the zoo everyday to learn so I use it to carry him while I walk him there. Sometimes when he starts annoying me I push him in and close the zipper. He usually gets the message. Three, I do what I want.

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I like to make my mommy hold sticks for me so that I can gently nibble them. She probably feels honoured.

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Take my photo, okay no more photos. After a long day of modeling I got tired of all the photos. This is something that ugly dogs don’t understand because they’re just happy to have a camera in the same room as them. For me it gets exhausting because every time I’m in a room, cameras just appear.

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Apparently I have a staring problem. I do what I want.

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Hello munches! My mommy took me for a walk in the rain this morning. I was excited to go because I had a few things to do out there. I stomped up the stairs and wiggled my narrow butt around for any onlookers. My peoples usually laugh at me and say that I “diaper march” up them but they just don’t even get me. The first thing that I like to do in the rain is bite at it. I just randomly chomp at it as I’m walking so that it knows I’m tough and also fears me. I told my mommy to take a photo of me because I knew how sleek and sexy I was looking with my wet fur. Everything was going perfectly until some stupid dog started barking at me from its patio and I had to look away from the camera to glare at it. It was obviously jealous of me. We carried on with our walk and when we got home I told my mommy that she was surprisingly behaved on it, she seems to like that sort of stuff.

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So, I guess I should introduce my stuffed dog, his name is Dog. I don’t like talking about him because it’s pointless but Bear told me to stop being rude. My peoples bought him for me last Christmas when I was little and he hasn’t stopped following me around since. I have found Dog to be mildly useful to me, I like to lay on him to chew other toys, sometimes taking beautiful swan dives onto him with those toys. Sometimes, I like to beat Dog up for no other reason than the fact that he’s there, and I’m tough. Also, I like to lay on Dog while I’m chewing my treats, but Dog doesn’t get to have any because he doesn’t deserve any.

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Today my peoples got me a burger, you know that’s every dogs dream. I’ve never had a Big Mac or a Whopper, or even know what they are, but they sound delicious. I took a mouth watering bite of my burger to find that my peoples duped me. I looked at my peoples and said “are you serious?” but they ignored me. So naturally I showed Bear my burger pretending it was the most delicious thing I’ve ever had. I walked around the house with it acting like I was enjoying it, because peoples can never win. Then I destroyed it. Not only did I tear it apart, I also tore out the stuffing and then tore the stuffing into smaller pieces. I left the pieces everywhere. That will show them not to mess with me.

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Tugging is my favourite thing to do with my peoples. Sometimes I make them hold items that are hard to get a good grip of so that I can show them how strong I am.

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People who don’t play with their food are boring. I like to show my treats how fearsome I am because fear leads to respect.

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So, Bear didn’t want me to say this but I’m going to anyways, because Bear is stupid. Sometimes, when I breathe too much air, I get really gassy. It’s natural though. I’m pretty sure I breathe twice as much air as other dogs because I’m gassy all the time. Sometimes I see my peoples covering their noses and one time I saw Bear crying because of the “smell”, but I think they’re just dramatic. 

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My peoples took me for a walk in a nice quiet area, which was nice because sometimes I need a break from my admirers. It was so great, I didn’t know what smell to smell first so holding a stick was out of the question. I stopped to look at the view a few times but really, the view stopped to see me. My peoples also seemed to be captivated by my beauty so they had me pose for a few photos. I didn’t mind as modeling comes naturally to me but I find their fascination with me to be a bit creepy. Although, after looking at my log photo I can understand their attraction. A little fact about me, the walk was so much fun that I threw up when I got home. Sometimes excitement makes me puke.

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This is what I look like when I wake up, obviously beautiful. I hope you looked at this after you had your morning coffee and applied your make-up so you don’t feel too bad. I hate it when ugly people cry, it’s just the worst.

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Most people post pictures of their coffees at coffee shops but most people aren’t as good looking as me.