It's crazy how trauma makes you push people away when all you want is love.

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@bruisedramblings
It's crazy how trauma makes you push people away when all you want is love.
“but it wasn’t that bad”
did it hurt? did you feel scared? unsafe? were you embarrassed? humiliated? terrified? did you feel confused on why? does it keep you up at night? do you avoid being in a similar situation? did you cry? did you want to cry? who told you it wasn’t that bad?
the thought that they can change for someone else is killing me
you deserve someone who’s gonna treat you like you matter everyday. not just when it’s convenient for them
I didn’t feel safe
So I stopped talking
I didn’t feel safe
so I changed the way I dressed
I didn’t feel safe
so I stopped spending money
I didn’t feel safe
so I stopped talking to the ones you didn’t like
I didn’t feel safe
so I stopped seeing the people I loved
I didn’t feel safe
so I stopped leaving the house
I didn’t feel safe
so I told them how in love with you I was
I didn’t feel safe
so I smiled
I didn’t feel safe
so I tried to take up less space
I didn’t feel safe
so I told my brain to only keep the good things
I didn’t feel safe
so I always said yes
I didn’t feel safe
so I defended you
I didn’t feel safe
so I let you decide
I didn’t feel safe
So I didn’t argue
I didn’t feel safe
so I always said I’m sorry
I didn’t feel safe
so I cried alone
I didn’t feel safe
so I stopped living
I didn’t feel safe
so I stopped breathing
I pretend it doesn't bother me but it's tearing me apart.
no matter how many times i hear “i love you”, “i’m not going to abandon you”, “i’m not going anywhere” i’m still so fucking scared of being abandoned
There really is nothing quite like feeling loved and seen.
Put a secret in my ask box.
“I crave time by myself to sit and heal my heart before I step out into the world again.”
— Gemman Troy
I’m so tired…but like in my soul
Can someone teach me how to make decisions? Please and thank you.
But did I make it all up? Was everything real? How can we truly know when everyone’s experience is different?
the overwhelming urge to just shut down when someone loves me