The Musings of a Raving Psycho

My place to post my photography, writing, music I like, and books I want to read or have read.

[thegoodvybe]

[perfeqt]

“Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It’s about knowing and accepting who you are.”

— Ellen DeGeneres (via resqectable)

[perfeqt]

“I’m attracted to the extreme light and the extreme dark. I’m interested in the human condition and what makes people tick. I’m interested in the things people try to hide.”

— Johnny Depp (via thoughtkick)

[perfeqt]

“Without you, I’m nothing. With you, I’m something. Together, we’re everything.”

— Unknown

[perfeqt]

“The best thing about the bedroom was the bed. I liked to stay in bed for hours, even during the day with covers pulled up to my chin. It was good in there, nothing ever occurred in there, no people, nothing.”

— Charles Bukowski

[bruizednbroken56]

WHAT IS ONE THING I WISH I COULD CHANGE?

Dear Diary,

The one thing I wish I could change would be Damien's attitude. We raised our children Christian, but neither Cierra nor Brayden believe in God anymore. It totally breaks my heart into. Cierra is Pagan and I guess the closest I can come to what Brayden is would be Buddhist.

When our first grandchild, London, was born, the only thing Cierra asked of us was not to impose our beliefs on London. I told her I would do my best to respect her wishes since she is London's mother, but at the same time, I would not change who I am.

Cierra quit believing because of things that happened along the way. She said she was terrified not to believe in God and she was afraid not to be good because she felt like she would burn in hell if she wasn't good. That is a lot to lay on a small child and she did not want London put through that. She wants London to be able to choose what he believes. I can't say that I blame her.

However, I asked her how he could know what he believes if he isn't taught about faith. She said he was too young to lay all of that on him at 5 years old.

I told Damien when London was a small baby how Cierra felt about us teaching London Christianity. Damien can be quite bull-headed like his father was. He said, "Well, she may not teach him, but I will!"

I said, "No, you are not either, Damien! You are going to respect your daughter's wishes and leave this to her! The best thing we can do is pray! If you go ahead and are bull-headed about this, the only thing you are going to do is alienate your daughter and she is going to want to take London and leave! I'm telling you right now, if you alienate her, I am going with her to take care of London!"

London has been with me more than anyone since his birth. I can't help but feel he would be lost without his Nana. Would I leave Damien like I said? All I can say is we will cross that bridge when we come to it. Hopefully, it won't come down to that.

I was beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Cierra actually said something about Jesus the other day and it was not negative. I was beginning to feel hopeful, but after what Damien did, all he has succeeded in doing is pushing her further away because London repeated to her verbatim what Damien had told him.

Cierra was livid. She said, "I swear if I had the money, I would take London right now and leave this place and I would never speak to Dad again!" Was that not what I told him would happen?

Proverbs 22:6 - Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it. NKJV

We planted the seeds in our children. They know the truth. I pray for them all the time that they will find their way back, and I must believe the scripture and know they will.

Sarah

[bruizednbroken56]

Beseeching Mother Nature

Now listen here, Mother Nature! You and I have to come to some kind of understanding! In FIVE days, it will OFFICIALLY be Autumn! I don't want anymore 97 degree temps like today! I want the clear, azure sky and crisp air that comes with Autumn!

I want to get in my shed and find my Autumn decor, but I cannot do that when it is 97 degrees outside because it is even hotter in my shed! If you choose not to cooperate, I will just end up having to make some, but I can do that too!

However, I beseech you to PLEASE bring in Autumn when it is supposed to come in. I love it outside! I have been able to go out very little during the summer because the heat makes me deathly sick, and the red bugs and mosquitoes love me, but I sure don't love them! Can I help it I am so sweet? Also, the flower beds are overgrown and need weeding. :(

Last year, it seems your senility was catching up with you. I mean, I know you are very old, but you didn't allow it to cool down here in the Heart of Dixie until late October! Can't we reach some kind of understanding? I'd be much obliged!

Suse

[bruizednbroken56]

Family Genealogy

Doing my family genealogy has been quite an interesting experience, but there are some brick walls that are frustrating the hell out of me. The reason I started doing it in the first place was because my mother was curious as to whether she had half-siblings or not.

You see, we found a marriage certificate where he married a woman in SC where he was from while he was married to my grandmother in Alabama. Mama thought she remembered that they married in Bishopville where he was born, but I had a clerk there research it and they found no evidence of it. I saw the marriage certificate myself, but cannot remember the date of the marriage or the place though I am sure the state was SC and, of course, we don't know what happened to it, as I was in my twenties last time I saw it which was decades ago now.

That has been quite frustrating because I wanted my Mama to have those answers before she leaves this earth. Her favorite aunt, my grandmother's sister just passed away in March. My Mama is devastated as they were very close. Another question Mama had and was able to ask Aunt Tillie was why was she born in Decatur, Dekalb, Georgia, USA when both siblings were born in Georgetown, SC. Mama is the middle child. Aunt Tillie had no idea. So, right now, I am on a quest to find these answers.

If they had the technology back in the 1940′s like we do now, there is no doubt my grandfather’s “sin” would have been caught. Not only was my beloved grandfather a bigamist, but he was a drifter. He would hitchhike his way between Alabama and South Carolina. He would be gone for a couple of years and then one day we would see him coming down the driveway! Granddaddy was also an alcoholic and would drink anything with alcohol in it, and I do mean anything, including but not limited to shaving lotion! 

He was also a veteran and fought in WWII. Thank you for your service, Granddaddy!

Granddaddy also smoked. I watched him roll cigarettes himself which had no filter from a Prince Albert can, remember those?  Sadly, he passed away on December 23, 1978 from lung cancer. I had just married in October and it was my first Christmas with my husband. We buried Granddaddy on Christmas Eve.

[thegoodvybe]

[bruizednbroken56]

1,302 Followers, 5,725 Following, 530 Posts - See Instagram photos and videos from Susie (@country_living_southern_style)

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[purplebuddhaquotes]

Self care is not selfish or self indulgent. We cannot nurture others from a dry well. We need to take care of our own needs first.

(via purplebuddhaquotes)

[goodreadss]

Millions of people have decided not to be sensitive. They have grown thick skins around themselves just to avoid being hurt by anybody. But it is at great cost. Nobody can hurt them, but nobody can make them happy either.

Osho (via goodreadss)

[bruizednbroken56]

SKYSCAPE

Clouds look as if they are burning As the sun sets in the evening sky Old Mother Earth is slowing turning Ensuring the sunset won't pass me by

If I touched them, would it hurt At present, twilight begins to flirt Sunset, for now, you must sleep Night sets in with shadows deep

No longer do I see sunkissed clouds The cover of darkness again enshrouds Mister Man-in-the-Moon calls out the stars To help him brighten the ill-lit night

Throughout the night they twinkle and dance Until the soft, pale dawn begins her advance Soon, the sun rises without delay It's time again for a brand new day

© 2019 Susan Johnson-Rudd

[bruizednbroken56]

“moonlight disappears down the hills mountains vanish into fog and i vanish into poetry.” ― Sanober Khan, A Thousand Flamingos

[bruizednbroken56]

“Poetry is just so emo." he said. "Oh, the pain. The pain. It always rains. In my soul.” ― John Green, Paper Towns

[bruizednbroken56]

ELUSIVE LIGHT

Did I make it, or did it make me?

Somewhere in this darkness

I’ve ceased to be.

It engulfs me and tries to steal my soul.

Day after day, I long to be whole.

Will it happen?Where is the elusive light?

I try to fight this beast with all of my might.

Sometimes, I win the battles,Other times it does.

Inside my head it’s dark, 

All my brain does is buzz.

This darkness tries to hold me in its black embrace.

I stay lost, so undone, I try to hide my face.

Is there no escaping;No redemption for me?

Make this demon go away, Let me see...

Just let me see the light.

© 2018 SJ Mullins 

[bruizednbroken56]

FALLEN

I have fallen from your grace;

I’m falling, falling, falling. 

You said you were my oasis,

And for a time you were.

What have I done?

Demons live in my head;

I have no control.

Do you know what it’s like

To be in that black miry pit?

I am swallowed whole,

It leaves me blind;

It’s dark, I cannot see.

It’s like living in quicksand,

I cannot escape it.

Is there no one to save me?

Am I doomed to live in darkness?

The demons shout,“Yes! You are doomed!

You cannot escape us,

There is no one to save you--

No one…

© 2019 SJ Mullins