too broken to belong

Post-ViTri bad end Aoba Seragaki blog. Indie, multiship, selective. NSFW and contains triggering material. Please read rules and about before following!

[thedoublycursed]

tag urself

[rocknmeme]

post - trauma sentence starters  blood, death mention.

“don’t do that. don’t shut me out.” 

“you’ve been crying. i can tell.”

“we need to change those bandages and get some food in you.”

“you want me to rub your back ’til you fall asleep?”

“that was a brave thing you did today.” 

“shh, that’s okay, get everything out.”   

“there’s something on your shirt. you – that’s blood!”

“need some space?”

“you should lay down.”

“there’s nothing wrong with asking for help.” 

“shh, shh. you were having a nightmare.”

“we can talk through the door.” 

“let’s clean you up and get you to bed, okay?”

“you almost died.” 

“i brought you a blanket.”

“you’re home. you’re safe.” 

“i’m worried about you.”

“is everything okay?”

“tell me how to make it better.”

“it’s been a tough few days. how are you holding up?”

“you have to stay awake. come on, give my hand a squeeze.” 

“you’re in the hospital.” 

“think you can make it to the bathroom?”

“no, no. don’t close your eyes.”

[eyeslike-morphine]

@brxkenblue continued from x 

“Time with you is never a waste.” Sei replies quietly, his eyes gazing affectionately at his younger brother, a small smile on his lips. It’s painful to see Aoba like this, even more painful knowing there’s so little he can do about it– he’s Aoba’s big brother, he should be able to protect him. For two long years there was nothing he could do, and even now that they’re together and free…there’s little he can do for Aoba, aside from the simple act of being here. 

His hand reaches out ever so slightly, but stops short of touching his brother’s own. While he wants to give the younger a reassuring touch, he knows better, he knows how Aoba feels…all too well. “Would you like me to make you some tea?” 

[brxkenblue]

“I just... I don’t want you to miss out on things because of me,” Aoba murmurs. Still, it does warm him to hear Sei say that. He trusts his twin not to lie to him. Even though they had not grown up together, and even though Aoba hadn’t even known he’d had a brother for 23 years of his life... he still feels as though he knows Sei. There had been an undeniable connection there, right from the start. His ability to trust others has certainly taken a hit thanks to Virus and Trip, but trusting Sei feels as natural as trusting Granny, or Ren. 

“...Okay,” he agrees, “Thank you.” 

Something warm would be nice. He is still too skinny for it to be healthy and he’s often cold as a result, even in warm weathers. 

[vaememes]

° ✧ SKAM SENTENCE STARTERS.

❛ Stop walking around like a fucking cliche. ❜ ❛ Are you never letting in again because you don’t want to get hurt? ❜ ❛ You don’t want that… believe me. ❜ ❛ It’s really lonely. ❜ ❛ I’m asking too much aren’t I. ❜ ❛ I just miss talking to you. ❜ ❛ You used to tell me all your secrets. ❜ ❛ Would you like to hear a secret now? ❜ ❛ I heard that you and _______ talked about ________. ❜ ❛ Then you turn it and do the other side. ❜ ❛ Anyway, you seriously have to get over it and start behaving like a human. ❜ ❛ I’m hurt because you never reply to my meme.  ❜ ❛ I had totally forgotten. But I’m sorry about that. ❜ ❛ Are you kidding? What does that mean? ❜  ❛ Why should you be bus leader? ❜ ❛ I can never host again. Never. ❜ ❛ Wasn’t it real nice this weekend? At the party? ❜ ❛ There were a lot of new nice people. ❜ ❛ If you think immaturity is charming, sure. ❜ ❛ Do you think that is a bit generalizing to say? ❜ ❛ Why are we talking about _______ anyway? ❜   ❛ What’s going on with the two of you though? ❜ ❛ How much do you want for it? ❜ ❛ It’s sort of… not the entire truth. ❜ ❛ I can join the bus if you need people. ❜ ❛ They don’t need the money tomorrow. We’ll fix it. ❜ ❛ How are we supposed to fix that? ❜ ❛ You got to read a book I’m reading called, “The Secret.” ❜   ❛ You know so much about the universe? How? ❜ ❛ I’m very interesred in the universe. Like plants and such. ❜ ❛ You’re my star, did you know that? ❜ ❛ You’re mine. You’re my sun, the sun is a star. ❜ ❛ If you think I would walk around like some living trophy, you’re terribly wrong. ❜ ❛ Don’t play dumb! You know what I mean! ❜ ❛ What’s your name again? ❜ ❛ I think there’s a small miscommunication here.  ❜ ❛ If you think I look at you like some trophy, you’re wrong. ❜ ❛ What an awesome guy/girl you are! ❜ ❛ Were you never validated as a child, or…? ❜ ❛ Did mommy never compliment your drawings? ❜ ❛ I see what you’re doing. ❜ ❛ You don’t know what your talking about. ❜ ❛ Jesus Christ, this is a hashtag. What the fuck!? ❜ ❛ Is it me you were talking about? ❜ ❛ I’m going to nap. ❜ ❛ Did you… ask all your classmates to take care of me?  ❜ ❛ Holy fuck, you’re a bad liar! ❜ ❛ Huh? I’m a bad liar? ❜ ❛ I’m the fucking master of lies! There’s no one who is a better liar than me! ❜ ❛ You have no idea what I’ve gotten away with! ❜ ❛ Well, tell me. What have you gotten away with? ❜ ❛ I like seeing you laugh. ❜ ❛ Had you seen me before that first… cuddle meeting? ❜ ❛ You… you can buy them anywhere. ❜ ❛ I was thinking to just maybe stay there for a while. ❜ ❛ Just take it one day at a time. ❜ ❛ You have to establish your social future. ❜ ❛ We’re on our way to a party. ❜ ❛ I can hear what you think. ❜ ❛ I think it would be easier for you to spend time with people like yourself. ❜ ❛ So, when do you finish today? ❜ ❛ Why did you do that? ❜ ❛ Why not? What is it that she/he wants? ❜ ❛ Control me? How can she/he control me? ❜ ❛ You’re fucking hot, _______! ❜ ❛ I’ll give you a hint. ❜ ❛ I don’t fucking know! Just tell me. ❜ ❛  What, am I completely unattractive or what? ❜ ❛ I’ll gladly volunteer if you want to fuck. ❜ ❛ What the fuck did she/he mean by that? ❜ ❛ Don’t be rude! ❜ ❛ Who are you though? Are you, like a bouncer? ❜ ❛ Why would I have your phone?! ❜ ❛ They’re not even my shoes!  ❜

[yankuza-deactivated20190709]

brxkenblue‌:

Virus wasn’t wrong. It was insane, really, the kind of things you could get used to as long as it happened frequently enough. Before all of this, Aoba would’ve never in his wildest dreams have imagined he could ever become accustomed to be treated like this - like a plaything, a slave, something lower than an animal. Now this was the new normal. 

He didn’t know if Virus truly wanted an answer, but if he did, there really was only one thing he could say. “….Yes,” he murmured, tensing even at the gentle touch to his hair. He knew all too well how quickly something gentle could turn into something rough and harsh.  

            ❝ how wonderful ~ . ❞ he spoke in a tone that made it seem as if it didn’t really matter how the conversation actually went . virus && trip had a habit of simply doing whatever came to their minds that seemed fun , so they could do something gentle one moment && incredibly demeaning or rough the next , with the same cool demeanor . that only made it worse , honestly – more chilling .

              he moved closer , voice a whispery breath on aoba’s ear as he continued . ❝ mm … even if we did release your restraints - picture you were able to escape . do you think you’d be able to avoid us forever ? we can adore you forever or … ❞ moves to do the same but with his other ear . 

           ❝ you could enjoy a life running from morphine – from trip && i , personally – for as long as you live . ❞

[brxkenblue]

Aoba shuddered as Virus whispered into his ear, painting a very grim picture of how hopeless things would be even if he’d manage the feat of escape. Being hunted by them, likely putting all of his loved ones in danger... It wouldn’t be worth it.  

Besides, he didn’t have any illusions about his chances. He was a starved, weak shadow of his former self who would likely not make it far before collapsing, especially considering that his muscles had deteriorated considerably during his time here.

More than anything else, though, Aoba was simply too afraid to try anything like that. He’d been punished time and time again for acts of disobedience - mostly at the start of his captivity - and it had hammered home that rebelling wasn’t worth the increased levels of pain, terror and humiliation that he would have to endure because of it. Trip and Virus had proven to be quite creative in how they punished him. 

“No...I...” Aoba swallowed hard before continuing in a small voice, “I’d... I’d stay here.” It killed him a little inside to say those words out loud, but it wasn’t as though he had much pride or dignity left anyway. 

[emptydollzuki-musebox]

brxkenblue:

Virus chuckled as Mizuki snapped at him with his teeth, like a wild animal. “Feisty,” he commented, “but it will not last. Aoba-san used to behave much like how you are now, Mizuki-san, but look at him now. Perfectly obedient.” 

Aoba felt sick hearing that. It was true, he’d fought them in the beginning, but now he was too broken down and afraid to do anything of the sort. He didn’t want them to do the same to Mizuki, but what could he really do to stop them? Nothing, that was what. He was completely useless. 

He decided to ignore the words and just try to calm Aoba down, rubbing his friend’s back gently. Mizuki really doesnt want to believe that they are speaking the truth, his friend still has some of his personality, nothing like the empty puppets of Morphine. He’s determined to try and resist them, it wouldnt help Aoba at all if he became like that. If only Koujaku had managed to catch up to him that day.

“Its okay Aoba, I’ll be fine.”

[brxkenblue]

Aoba just felt worse when he felt Mizuki rubbing his back and telling him he’d be fine. As if any of this was fine, as if any of this would ever be fine. It was his fault that Mizuki was here in the first place... He didn’t say anything though, and instead just clung slightly to Mizuki. 

“There, there, Aoba-san,” came Virus’ voice in that mock-comforting way of his, “We are so proud of you for how far you have come. Perhaps you could teach Mizuki-san a thing or two.” 

[turtling-away]

[aicatchthefall-blog]

So… Since I revived my ViTri-bad end Aoba account I decided I wanted to revive this one as well. 

Aoba from DRAMAtical Murder. Mun is 29 and has 10+ years of rp experience. Feel free to reblog or like this if you’re interested and I’ll have a look at your blog. :) 

[yankuza-deactivated20190709]

@brxkenblue.

              one hand swirled around a glass of wine while the other gently twirled a lock of aoba’s hair around his finger . ❝ you’re so cute , aoba - san ~ are you used to this yet ? you’ve been quite obedient lately . though i suppose you’ve always known running would be useless . ❞

[brxkenblue]

Virus wasn’t wrong. It was insane, really, the kind of things you could get used to as long as it happened frequently enough. Before all of this, Aoba would’ve never in his wildest dreams have imagined he could ever become accustomed to be treated like this - like a plaything, a slave, something lower than an animal. Now this was the new normal. 

He didn’t know if Virus truly wanted an answer, but if he did, there really was only one thing he could say. “....Yes,” he murmured, tensing even at the gentle touch to his hair. He knew all too well how quickly something gentle could turn into something rough and harsh.  

[brxkenblue]

“I’m not leaving you.”

angst starters

Aoba knew that he should feel grateful, and he did, but it was overshadowed by the overwhelming guilt that he also felt. Sei being here with him, safe and alive, was a blessing, but Aoba felt guilty both that he hadn’t been able to save him all of those years ago when he’d been supposed to and that now that Sei was free, he spent most of his time around his traumatized brother who couldn’t even leave the house most days. He should be out there, experiencing the world, not coped up in a room with Aoba. 

"Thank you, but... you shouldn’t waste your time with me...” Aoba responded, voice a low murmur. 

[rpmemes-galore]

PSA:  I don’t care if it takes you two days or two months to reply to something… I understand that life outside of Tumblr can get hectic sometimes, and I understand that you need to put real life issues first.

Take as long as you need. And never feel bad about having to drop something with me, if you need to. Its okay. I will always understand!

[yankuza-deactivated20190709]

                   hello everyone , it’d be wonderful if you could preferably reblog this to help out a new virus from dramatical murder ~ 

[brxkenblue]

emptydollzuki-musebox replied to your post: i want to be active here again even though the...

Yaho

Heyy~ long time no see!

[surviving-hero]

[lifeinpoetry]

I still do not know what love is unless it’s stronger arms holding me

still                             until I’m quiet.

— John Mark Brown, from “Jesus Wept,” published in Cosmonauts Avenue

[screenshotsofdespair]

[monachopsis-people]