saved.

[brynhildrking]

i want to keep this url saved to prevent harrassment from my callout, as well as be a neat and fast post that has a hub for everything i did wrong. i have learned from what happened. at the time i was eager to interact with others, and i had block-evaded unintentionally and wasn’t understanding social cues. these days i function on a private mutuals-only basis. 

my actions had stemmed from me feeling entitled, and i was not holding myself as accountable as i should. the callout had knocked me on my ass, and knocked sense into me that i carry today. 

i know i likely cannot apologize for my actions, nor do i expect an apology or should i get one. i stepped on toes again and again and was ignorant. i have returned to roleplaying leo under another url, and i have posted a disclaimer in my rules that i had been called out.

the callout had contained a lot of screenshots of me projecting and being insecure in a very popular fandom at the time & esp with the character i love being a very popular character. 

i will admit that i had been uneducated about trans issues at the time, even though i am trans. i wrote in.cest while coping with familial pressure offline, i said things that were transmisogynst that at the time i did not realize was such at the time, and now when i look back at the screencaps on the blog that has the callout posted even after all this time i do realize that i wrote and posted content that was hurting trans femme people & other trans masc people. i do deeply apologize for my repeated offensive remarks to my trans siblings.

i’ve learned, and i agree that my mindset at the time was borderline pro-ship if not like. full on proship. i have adhd & i’m autistic - not to hide behind the labels that i can’t do anything wrong, but it’s to be accountable. i always just wanted to be left alone after, i just wanted to get on with my hobby and went about it so very terribly i hurt others & continued to just hurt myself. i do not identify with anti-anti/proship these days. i know that both sides of the conflict have issues, but i’ve seen proships overstep anti boundaries just as much as antis harrass proships.

linked below is the callout blog as well as the response / callout for the callout that was written by an anonymous third party to these occurances. 

https://expose-brynhildrking-party.tumblr.com

https://expose-party-committee-blog.tumblr.com/post/157639152322/whycantideletethisaccount

again, i missed social cues terribly, overstepped and broke rules. i apologize for my actions, and i do not expect to be forgiven. please make your own judgement at the end of the day.

[brynhildrking]

just lightly looks here. it's a bit of a ball and chain on my psyche. i'd like to say i'm better, but to be human is to be messy & we cannot grow without strife. some day i might try to archive the callout somewhere, out of sight, out of mind, but as a back up to what i did.

i try to keep this url under wraps so that it cannot be used to harrass others, nor can others be mistaken for me. i still write leo, he's very very dear to me. for some sliver of privacy, i will not list the current url here, but you can look for it if you want. however, i will say i do not list that i was the subject of a callout now. i think it's been enough time for me to keep that to myself, but i do disclose it to those i speak with for more than a little bit, because they deserve to know that. to be my friend is to know i was terrible, that i hurt others, even if i had not meant to.

. i.

[brynhildrking]

also, as a follow up to the previous post, i had biases and internalized misogyny & transphobia i was working through due to poor coping mechanisms. i flung myself into a toxic representation of le.o. 

i had no idea why le.o/az.ura was so upsetting to me - it turns out that yes, they’re step-siblings. at the time, initially it was due to me misunderstanding my discomfort as not liking any le.o/woman ship, but it was more of them being related through marriage. 

i wrote selective in.cest pairings due to cope with trauma, and i was using language i use for my own body in nsft responses, which since i have changed language for trans characters, as well as warn for the language used by the characters. 

i know i was flippant about concerns, and i was not taking the criticisms in early stages before nuclear consequences came rolling in for myself, and everyone around me. the fandom had been divided by me.

i write leo as bisexual now. i have edited his background to something i’m more comfortable with anyway. i have a terrible memory for anything from my late teens & early adulthood, but i had allegedly had leo as half-hoshidan, and i likely did, but i now write him as descended from colder regions of nohr. 

i made errors, again and again, but i’m human and i’m trying to educate myself and do better.