* BT GOD.

𝗦𝗢𝗨𝗡𝗗　𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘　𝙁𝙐𝙉　? 　𝗖𝗢𝗨𝗥𝗦𝗘　𝗜𝗧　𝗗𝗢𝗘𝗦　!

[btg0d]

#𝐛𝐭𝐠𝟎𝐝.    an   independent,    private    &.    mutual   only   blog   for   higgs  monaghan   from   death   stranding     &.     death   stranding     :     on   the   beach,    made   by   hideo   kojima.     this   blog   is   not   spoiler   free,   however   things   will   be    tagged.     personal   blogs   do   not   follow   or   interact.     heavily   affiliated   with    @statiicrecords     &.     my   amazing   girlfriend   @str4nding.

due   to     mature     themes   this   blog   is     21+     only.     heavily     mature     &.       triggering     themes  such  as     :    swearing,     fictional  politics,     violence,     death,     drugs,     past     &.     present  trauma,     sex,     suicidal  thoughts,     suicidal  ideation     &.     more     are  prevalent.     follow   at   your   own   discretion.     basic   rp   etiquette   applies,     no  phobias,     no  racism,     no  tolerance   for   idiocy     &.     blatant   shitty   behavior.     be   nice   to   me     &.     i'll   be   nice   back,     life   is   a   two   way   street.     ⸻     anu,     twenty  five,     she     /     they,     lesbian,     indigenous  canadian,     eastern   standard   time   zone.

rules.     memes.    promo.     open  starters.

blogroll     :     @statiicvhs     &.     @4rew1nd     &.     @jt4lis     &.    @med4rda     &.    @failhim.

[str4ndingarch]

❛ something like that, ❜ is offered in response. with no further preamble, sam starts dropping the equipment piece by piece. tidiness is the last thing on his mind, body all but on autopilot as sam finally gets to his undershirt and briefs. he's sure higgs is going to bitch him out about not showering right away, but if he had to hike a snowy mountain with BT's on his ass, higgs would be doing the same. ❛ scoot over. ❜ all sam offers before he's pressing a knee into the bunk and muscling his way in.

he can't help the groan of relief that leaves him when sam's finally on his back. any sane person would be questioning his choice in bed partner, but a full nights rest is far more tempting than worrying about whether he'll be strangled in his sleep. turning his head towards higgs, eyes flick across clearly sleep deprived features, hair disheveled and pretty eyes that have seen too much.

❛ how long you been waiting ? ❜

[btg0d]

🇭‌🇴‌🇼‌     🇱‌🇴‌🇳‌🇬‌    ?    he    isn't    sure.     the  adjustment  from  being  on  the  beach  to  now  the  waking  world  is    disorienting   …     time  worked  differently,     though  if  he  had  to  guess    ?    he's  been  waiting  for  sam  for  at  least  a    handful    of  hours  now.     closer  to  the  wall  of  the  room  now,     blue  eyes  scan  over  sam,     noting  the    redness    of  his  shoulders     ⸻    carrying  too  much  cargo  for  an    extended    period  of  time.     he  was  once  a  porter  himself  after  all,     even  if  it  feels  like  a    lifetime    ago  now.

❛    not   long.     you   know   how   it   is,     barely   get   any   sleep   to    begin   with.    ❜    a  small  shrug  of  his  shoulders,     lying  through  his  teeth  is  much    easier    than  being  truthful  with  sam.     though  he's  fairly  certain  the  man  could  read  him  like  a    book    now     …     after  everything  they've  been  through  together    ?    he's  been    more     than  open  for  sam  to    read.     leaning  his  head  against  his  arm,     eyes  close  as  he  lets  out  a  heavy  sigh.

a  beat  passes,     nothing  is  said  between  them,     the  only  sound  being  their    combined    breathing     …     it's  maybe  a  minute  before  higgs  opens  his  eyes  to  look  at  sam  again.     could    never    keep  his  eyes  off  of  him.     the  light  to  his  perpetual  darkness.    how     fucking     ironic.    ❛    you   sound    concerned,     don't   worry   your   pretty   little   head.     i'll   be   okay,     sleep   will    come   for   me   soon   enough   and   i'll   be   outta   your   hair.    ❜    absentmindedly,     a  hand  had  reached  to    play    with  the  strands  of  sam's  hair,    twirling     hair  around  fingers.

[charliepawz]

Hello

[str4ndingarch]

if he knew in hindsight that he was going to be putting a stop to playground brawls, sam might have thought out the whole messiah of death deal. a silent sigh passes from parted lips, blackened fingertips coming to pointedly rest on the collar that adorns higgs' neck. “ why do you care, ” not quite a question, more a statement of where higgs' mind should be. eyes flick up, a gaze so heavy with pain and barely restrained anger / a festering soul to accompany the one sam saved from the beach, sam dips two fingers into the collar and tugs. “ when you already know where you stand. where we stand. ”

obsessions are dangerous — arguably is why sam is where he is now, but he chooses to use it to his advantage instead. higgs has been marching to a different beat for far longer than sam has. it's good to have someone so eager to teach, and more eager to follow and be loyal.

[btg0d]

🇭‌🇾‌🇵‌🇪‌🇷‌🇦‌🇼‌🇦‌🇷‌🇪‌     🇴‌🇫‌     🇹‌🇭‌🇪‌     🇨‌🇴‌🇱‌🇱‌🇦‌🇷‌    that  adorned  his  neck,     he    swallows    against  the  leather,     eyes  fixed  on  sam.     lips  part  to  speak,     cut  off  by  the  collar  being    tugged,     pupils  dilating  and  a  breathy  chuckle  leaving  lips.     it's  true,     he  did  know  where  they  stood,     their  relationship  was    more    than  just  that  of  a  god  and  their  messiah.    no,     there  was  so  much  more  to  it.     unforgettable  nights  in  which  sam's  name    rolls    off  of  his  tongue  like  velvet,     devolved  in    pleasure,     flesh  marked.    ❛    y'know,     i   wouldn't   have   to   be    jealous    if   you   kept   entertainin'   these   bastards.    ❜    head  cocks  a  little  as  he  leans  in,     lips  slowly  spreading  into  that  akin  of  a    cheshire    cat's  grin.

they  were  each  other's  property,     that  much  evident  by  the    heart   birthmark     by  sam's  eye,     something  he's  left  on  the  man  to  show  that  the  messiah  of  death    owned    the  extinction  entity.     a  hand  reaches  up  to  cup  the  side  of  the  man's  face,     gloved  thumb  caressing  over  the  mark    fondly,     clearly  proud  of  the  mark  he's  left  on  his  partner.    ❛    we    both   know   you   like   it   when   i'm   jealous.     don't    lie   to   yourself,     sweetheart.    ❜

[btg0d]

𝘁𝗵𝗲     𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙞𝙘𝙡𝙚     𝗼𝗳   𝗴𝗼𝗱   𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁   𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗺𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲𝘀     𝙖𝙡𝙡     𝗲𝘅𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲.     ⸻     independent,    private    &.    mutual   only     blog     for     higgs  monaghan     from     death   stranding     &.     death   stranding     :     on   the   beach.     penned   by   anu,     she     /     they,     twenty   five     ♡

[str4ndingarch]

@btg0d !

“ i told you to leave it, ” sam barks at higgs whose currently in a pissing contest with one of the homo demen leaders. with the reemergence of the demens and whispers of a new, deadlier extinction entity, higgs had been busy with the varying tasks sam had assigned to him, which leads to right now. his herald of extinction apparently can't handle the idea of sam requiring the assistance of someone other than him.

the tar that gravitates towards sam's feet rushes towards higgs' heels with nothing more than a thought. tendrils encircling his ankles before jerking him back towards the extinction entity. “ i won't ask twice, higgs. ”

[btg0d]

🇭‌🇪‌'🇸‌     🇦‌🇱‌🇼‌🇦‌🇾‌🇸‌     🇰‌🇳‌🇴‌🇼‌🇳‌     🇭‌🇪‌    could  be  a  tad  bit  jealous,     he  didn't  like    sharing    and  he  made  it    clear    from  day  one.     however,     knowing  that  there  were  other  homo  demens  leaders  trying  to    take    his  place    ?    replace  him    ?    higgs  was    beyond    pissed.     the  bark  of  words  and  the  tar  that  encircles  his  ankles  like    tendrils    makes  him  stiffen,     eyes  shifting  to  look  at  sam,     hairs  standing  on  end  and    bristling.

oh  how  did  he  love  his  new  sam     ...     a    stronger,     deadlier  extinction  entity     ...    consuming    amelie     ...     he  loved  it.     his  unhealthy    obsession    with  sam  was  always  there,     but  now  it  was    tenfold.    how   could   he   not   be   obsessed   when   sam   retrieved   him   from   the   beach    ?    being  jerked  back  towards  the  extinction  entity,     higgs    scowls,     the  tattoos  copying  what  would  be  eyebrows  knitted.    ❛    you   know   i   don't   like   sharin'.     they're   acting   like   they   can   take   my   fucking   place     …     i'm   not   replaceable.    ❜

[viasolaris]

lonely late night visitor

[btg0d]

✨ unpopular opinion ✨ that i know for sure would get me put on some DNI list or callout or some bullshit, but i genuinely don't like it when i see people using singers as faceclaims ( aside from people who use them for actual singer characters, whether it be canon or ocs. ) like ... do whatever the fuck you want, i genuinely don't care nine times out of ten, it just irks me seeing taylor swift, sabrina carpenter, etc. be used as faceclaims. like whatever, use whoever you want, i can't nor will i dictate what people can do, however i will always side eye.

[btg0d]

@agmaknae : it's honestly nothing. i can deal with it myself.

🇪‌🇾‌🇪‌🇸‌     🇷‌🇴‌🇱‌🇱‌     🇦‌🇸‌     🇹‌🇭‌🇪‌     🇷‌🇴‌🇨‌🇰‌🇸‌🇹‌🇦‌🇷‌    looks  at  the  other,     clearly  there  was    something     wrong,     an  injury  of  some  kind  and  he    refused     to  let  him  see.    ❛    ain't    my     fault   you   decided   to   be   stupid   and   get   yourself   hurt.     ain't   you    demons    supposed   to   heal   yourself   fast   or   somethin'    ?    ❜    a  brow  cocks  as  hands    grab     at  taejoon,     trying  to  find  where  he  was  hurt.    no,     he  didn't  care  that  he  was  hurt,     it  was  more     ...     morbid  curiosity  than  anything.    yes,     it  was  that.     eyes  finally  land  on  a  red  splotch,     pulling  the  man's  sweater  up  to    see     it.     ah.    ❛    dealin'   with   it   yourself   sounds   fucking   stupid.     i'm   here,     can     help    ya.    ❜

[dozosugoi]

a higg

[str4ndingarch]

@btg0d — would you cut it out? i'm trying to help you. / porter au + for sam

pain has been the norm in sam's life for as long as he remembers, sam should be used to it at this point, but often than not, the pain is associated with him actively dying. ❛ your stitches are shit, ❜ sam grumbles, flinching at the next dig of needle and tug of thread.

not dying after an accident means he has to deal with the residual wounds when repatriation would've taken care of that for him.

❛ should've let me fall off that cliff, ❜ another tug, another flinch. fuck. ❛ would've healed up fine. ❜

[btg0d]

𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬     𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥     𝐚𝐭     𝐬𝐚𝐦'𝐬     𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭    of  his  stitches  being    shit,     he  knew  the  man  was  a  repatriate,     that  if  he  just  let  him    fall    off  the  cliff,     he  would've  healed  but  it  also  meant  their  cargo  would've  been    ruined.    ❛    don't   be   an    asshole,     you're   lucky   i   even   managed   to   get   to   you   in   time.    ❜    grumbling    back,     he  threads  the  needle  through  skin,     thread  sliding  where  he  needs  it  to  go.     leaning  in  and    biting    off  the  last  bit  of  thread  where  he's  knotted  it  off,     he  puts  the  needle  off  to  the  side  to  be    disposed    of  later.

❛    would've    healed    up   fine   but   you   would've   fucked   up   the   cargo     ⸻    got   a    reputation   to   uphold,     y'know.    ❜    a  pause  as  he  grabs  disinfectant,     pouring  some  on  a  rag  and    cleaning    up  the  blood  on  sam's  skin  and  his  own  hands.     eyes  flit  from  the  stitches  to  his  face.     who  knew  sam  could  be  such  a    baby.    ❛    you're   acting   like   a    child,     you'll   be   fine.    ❜

[btg0d]

ways     𝐦𝐲     higgs     𝑑𝑖𝑓𝑓𝑒𝑟𝑠     from     𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏.

001.        while  it's    not    confirmed  to  be  true  or  not,     my  higgs'  true  name  is    peter   englert,     the  alias  he  uses  when  ordering  pizzas  from  sam  within  the  first  game.     however,     i  believe  this  is  his    true    name,     one  that  he  "ditched"  when  he  became  amelie's  herald  of  death,     joining  her  cause  and  becoming  the  man  we  know.

002. higgs makes mention to having died on the beach before, while this doesn't mean much aside from having killed himself and not actually dying, because we know that you can't die on the beach ⸻ i take this in a different direction. even prior to the events of the first game, higgs knew he was a repatriate from having died while delivering things as a porter, a stumble and fall off of a cliffside that instantly killed him upon impact. at first, he thought he was simply knocked out, that was before he came back to his body and instantly threw up tar. at this time, there was no word for this phenomenon, had no idea what to call it. that is until much later there was finally a word for it, a repatriate. this is something that nobody knows he has the ability to do, nobody has seen the hand prints on his body that had started down at his ankles and slowly have worked their way up his body. he doesn't have nearly as many handprints like sam does, his are more subtle in colour as well.

003.        though  i  have    not    read  the  novelization  of  the  first  game,     it  is    more    than  implied  that  higgs  and  fragile  were  in  a  romantic  relationship  with  one  another  prior  to  the  events  of  the  game    (    becoming     a     terrorist.     )     i  very  much    follow    this,     that  higgs  and  fragile  were  once  in  a  relationship  with  one  another  while  he  was  working  with  fragile  express  but  ultimately  had  broken  up  once  higgs  started  his  work  for  amelie.     it    doesn't    mean  i'll  force  it  onto  anyone  i'm  writing  with  who  writes  fragile,    however    it  is  something  that  is  a  part  of  my  higgs'  story.

004.        i  firmly  believe  that    nobody   aside  from  sam  and  fragile  know  who  the  leader  of  the  homo  demens  is,     this    follows    through  to  the  second  game     —      i  found  it  to  be  stupid  that  everyone  knew  who  higgs  was  and  that  he  was  the  leader  of  the  cult.     which,     this  is  where  my  higgs  differs,     nobody  knows  who  he  is  aside  from  APAC,     sam  and  fragile.     all  everyone  knows  is  that  there  is  a  cult,     they  don't  know  the  identity  of  the  leader.

005.        higgs  is  a    severely    damaged  individual,     even  prior  to  the  events  of  the  first  game,     i  believe  due  to  the  physical,     emotional,     and  psychological  abuse  he  received  from  his  uncle  and  never  being  able  to  leave  their  shelter     /     bunker  because  his  uncle  raved  on  about     "    how   the   outside   world   and   everyone   left   were   dangerous   and   couldn't   be   trusted,     "     it  has    forever    changed  higgs.     due  to  this,     i've  come  to  the  conclusion  that  he  would  have  BPD,     depression,     suicidal  ideations,     among  other  things.

006.      if  he  were  to    ever    live  after  the  events  of  DS2    (    not   being   swallowed   by   baby   lou,     )     he  would  not  want  anything  to  do  with  the  DMV  magellan  and  its  crew,     even  though  there's    not    a  chance  they  would  let  him  out  of  their  sight.     it  is  when  he's  off  the  beach  that  his  suicidal  ideations  would  start  to  play  in  more,     genuinely  thinking  that  after  he's  been  defeated  again  by  sam,     there  is    nothing    to  live  for.     he  didn't  want  godhood  anymore,     he  wanted  the  extinction  of  humanity  out  of  maliciousness.     with  no  amelie,     sam  defeating  him,     everything  he  cared  about  gone     …     he  wouldn't  want  to  be  alive  anymore ( not that he can even die in the first place. )

[btg0d]

ways     𝐦𝐲     higgs     𝑑𝑖𝑓𝑓𝑒𝑟𝑠     from     𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏.

001.        while  it's    not    confirmed  to  be  true  or  not,     my  higgs'  true  name  is    peter   englert,     the  alias  he  uses  when  ordering  pizzas  from  sam  within  the  first  game.     however,     i  believe  this  is  his    true    name,     one  that  he  "ditched"  when  he  became  amelie's  herald  of  death,     joining  her  cause  and  becoming  the  man  we  know.

002. higgs makes mention to having died on the beach before, while this doesn't mean much aside from having killed himself and not actually dying, because we know that you can't die on the beach ⸻ i take this in a different direction. even prior to the events of the first game, higgs knew he was a repatriate from having died while delivering things as a porter, a stumble and fall off of a cliffside that instantly killed him upon impact. at first, he thought he was simply knocked out, that was before he came back to his body and instantly threw up tar. at this time, there was no word for this phenomenon, had no idea what to call it. that is until much later there was finally a word for it, a repatriate. this is something that nobody knows he has the ability to do, nobody has seen the hand prints on his body that had started down at his ankles and slowly have worked their way up his body. he doesn't have nearly as many handprints like sam does, his are more subtle in colour as well.

003.        though  i  have    not    read  the  novelization  of  the  first  game,     it  is    more    than  implied  that  higgs  and  fragile  were  in  a  romantic  relationship  with  one  another  prior  to  the  events  of  the  game    (    becoming     a     terrorist.     )     i  very  much    follow    this,     that  higgs  and  fragile  were  once  in  a  relationship  with  one  another  while  he  was  working  with  fragile  express  but  ultimately  had  broken  up  once  higgs  started  his  work  for  amelie.     it    doesn't    mean  i'll  force  it  onto  anyone  i'm  writing  with  who  writes  fragile,    however    it  is  something  that  is  a  part  of  my  higgs'  story.

004.        i  firmly  believe  that    nobody   aside  from  sam  and  fragile  know  who  the  leader  of  the  homo  demens  is,     this    follows    through  to  the  second  game     —      i  found  it  to  be  stupid  that  everyone  knew  who  higgs  was  and  that  he  was  the  leader  of  the  cult.     which,     this  is  where  my  higgs  differs,     nobody  knows  who  he  is  aside  from  APAC,     sam  and  fragile.     all  everyone  knows  is  that  there  is  a  cult,     they  don't  know  the  identity  of  the  leader.

005.        higgs  is  a    severely    damaged  individual,     even  prior  to  the  events  of  the  first  game,     i  believe  due  to  the  physical,     emotional,     and  psychological  abuse  he  received  from  his  uncle  and  never  being  able  to  leave  their  shelter     /     bunker  because  his  uncle  raved  on  about     "    how   the   outside   world   and   everyone   left   were   dangerous   and   couldn't   be   trusted,     "     it  has    forever    changed  higgs.     due  to  this,     i've  come  to  the  conclusion  that  he  would  have  BPD,     depression,     suicidal  ideations,     among  other  things.

006.      if  he  were  to    ever    live  after  the  events  of  DS2    (    not   being   swallowed   by   baby   lou,     )     he  would  not  want  anything  to  do  with  the  DMV  magellan  and  its  crew,     even  though  there's    not    a  chance  they  would  let  him  out  of  their  sight.     it  is  when  he's  off  the  beach  that  his  suicidal  ideations  would  start  to  play  in  more,     genuinely  thinking  that  after  he's  been  defeated  again  by  sam,     there  is    nothing    to  live  for.     he  didn't  want  godhood  anymore,     he  wanted  the  extinction  of  humanity  out  of  maliciousness.     with  no  amelie,     sam  defeating  him,     everything  he  cared  about  gone     …     he  wouldn't  want  to  be  alive  anymore ( not that he can even die in the first place. )

[smxkeyjxe]

Her brows had knit together when he disappears before her very eyes and then reappears behind her, she nearly jumps out of her skin as she turns to face him. She doesn't want her back to him and she's going to keep her eyes glued to him as he stalks around her, like a wolf hunting a deer.

"Listen," rather tall sir "mister, I want no damn trouble," she says, holding her hands out slightly, taking a step back. "Jus' tryin' t'get back before the storm hits," she adds. She needed to make a beeline to her equi-cruiser and fast, and it was right behind her.

"So if you could jus'... Be kind enough to let me go—"

[btg0d]

he     could     always     tell    when  someone  was    scared    of  him,     could  feel  it  like    electricity    in  the  air,     a  tingle  on  his  skin.     chuckling,     he  watches  her  with  amusement.     he  almost  feels  bad  for  her.    almost.     she  might  not  want  trouble  but  he  does,     why  not    stir    the  pot,     have  some  fun    ?    ❛    and   what   makes   you   think   i    should    let   you   go,     hm    ?    wouldn't   be   any    fun    for   me,     y'know    !    and   i   think     …     me   and   you   could   have   a    whole    lotta   fun,     darlin'.    ❜     lips  pull  into  a  smirk,     an    eeriness    within  his  actions,     an  unhinged  man,     not  all  there.     everyone    knew    of  the  man  within  the  mask,     a  terrorist     ⸻    a  cultist,     but  they'd  never  be  able  to  put  a  name  to  the  face,     he  was  a    ghost    after  all.    ❛    now   do   me   a   favour,     yeah    ?    be   a    good    little   porter   and   don't   make   this    hard    for   me.    ❜

[btg0d]

been awake since 7 am, got a single thing in my queue that'll go up at 12 pm ... i think i'm gonna take a nap ... i'm so fucking tired, especially since i woke up at this time yesterday. once i'm awake again, i'll be doing some more writing, i promise 🫶🏼

[pepperchipper]

gun versus strand 😌

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FOR PATCHING UP WOUNDS *  assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary

it's honestly nothing. i can deal with it myself.

next time something like this happens, you have to promise to tell me.

you're making a big deal out of nothing. i'll be fine.

how long have you had that?

i'm good at this, you know. patching up wounds.

would you cut it out? i'm trying to help you.

why didn't you tell me you were bleeding?

you didn't have to take that hit for me.

what are you hiding from me?

it's not the worst injury i've ever seen, but it's pretty bad.

how long were you going to hide this from me?

at least let me look at it.

there. it looks much better.

this will help with the pain.

i'm forever in your debt.

i didn't have anywhere else to go.

this wasn't supposed to happen.

is that your blood?

i've patched up nastier wounds than this.

stop squirming! you're going to be fine!

this is bad. this is really bad.

i just need a band-aid and a nap. i'll be fine.

we need to get you to a hospital.

how does it look? be honest.

keep your eyes open, okay? keep looking at me.

it doesn't hurt that bad.

give me your hand. let me look at it.

who taught you how to patch a wound like that?

it's not as bad as i thought it would be, that's for sure.

would you just let me help you? please?

you saved my life.

let me go find my first aid kit. it's in here somewhere.

i'll take care of it. you just sit and rest.

see? that wasn't so bad after all.

i've seen worse.

take two of these and drink some water.

ow! that really hurt!

i've got you, okay? everything's going to be fine.

you're gonna have to take your shirt off.

well... it could have been worse.

it looks worse than it really is, i swear.

roll up your sleeve a little, will you?

does that feel all right?

i didn't even realize i was bleeding.

you could have been killed out there!

give me a second to patch this up.

don't close your eyes. you hear me? stay with me.

i'm not giving up on you just yet.

you still need some time to heal.

i'm right here. i won't leave your side.

thank you for taking care of me.

if you can still hear me, help is on the way!

just squeeze my hand when it starts hurting.

how long have i been out?

let me check for a fever.

did you patch this up?

i've had worse injuries than this.

where did you learn to do that?

take some deep breaths for me.

look at me. you're going to be fine.

hold still! stop moving around so much!

i'll take care of you.

what the hell were you thinking?

where does it hurt?

i'm so used to doing this myself.

lift up your shirt a little so i can see.

lay back down. you're not healed up yet.

you never should have put yourself in harm's way like that.

looks like i've got myself a really good nurse.

will you stay with me while i sleep?

no one's ever helped me like that before.

i would have died had it not been for you.

don't you get it? if you don't let me help you, you'll die.

we have to be quick about this.

this could get bad.