later in the story emmanuel meets with father morgan – a man who worries a lot.
in this time emmanuel's hair is getting longer, to others he seems to be in a contemplative state almost all of the time. their discussion takes place after a sunday service. even though no one makes emmanuel go, he always does. this day in particular he was disturbingly quiet. he did not raise his hand, he did not follow the younger children to sunday school and he did not fall asleep during the bible read.
father morgan calls him over afterwards to ask him if something happened, emmanuel just shakes his head, he doesn't speak. father morgan tells him a lot of things - that he pities emmanuel and that he needs help. he asks about his mother - how she's doing and recalls that she was always quite beautiful, beautiful enough to be adored. emmanuel thinks about this for a long time. about beauty and about love.
in response to father morgan emmanuel states his mother is ugly, just as ugly as himself.
emmanuel never cared nor thought about why his mother hated him but if she was once considered beautiful and was loved for it; than he is ugly. too ugly to be loved by her.
emmanuel will scream and hurt himself because of his inability to be loved by his own mother. too ugly too stupid too weird too sick too disturbed. recalling many comments from others in his self hating, he will start breaking down until his brain and the way he perceives the world starts to unravel. he acts out more and more, anything to just be loved for a moment. he is more susceptible to violence. his hallucinations become something he cannot deny nor run from.
abandoned by bastian, his best friend due to an accidental self sabotaging event - emmanuel decides to simply lock himself away in his home.
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