I have come to appreciate this world I am in.
I debated a little -che, a lot on writing this. Mainly because little things like being thankful is pointless in moments that grab for tomorrow. I suppose, why rekindle the past if scampering for the future is the point of the game? Or perhaps the question is the value of gratitude. Why release into the world words that are pointless at worst, narcissistic at best?
Yet, a part of my heart says that this is right, if only to pay homage to the souls who have lit our way. People, if we are to believe exist as islands, form no ties with one another save for those the mind had concocted. Therefore, a single touch that reaches through empty spaces feel like blessings. It is the reason why I stand here today, not only as a testament of my deeds, but also the influence of those around me. It is perhaps why, with something that I view as an achievement, I wish to raise the mirror for the those around me to see.
I apologize if the time taken to read this is lost.
There are many whom I owe this achievement to. Namely, my Monash lecturer who first introduced the school, Dr. Helen. She had said the school carried the course i was looking for and if needed, she would not mind being a referee of mine. (To make this a seven degrees of separation kinda thing, I'd probably also have to thank Jessie, my former colleague who brought me with her to Monash on that day. If she had not done so, perhaps I would still be wallowing my failure at obtaining an acceptance letter to an insitution of higher learning). I've often wondered if I would have gotten into the school without her letter. And the other, written by former colleague, Maizatul too. I sometimes wonder if I am deserving. Or perhaps my acceptance was a fluke. Upon receiving comments for my first assignment, a lecturer of mine had said acceptance into the school is judged through various criterias. Nonetheless, the piles are divided into the 'shoo-ins', those whom they feel can be pushed/KIV and those most likely rejected. Perhaps it be my insecurity staring, but I was certain the lecturer indicated i belonged to the second.
It is not a bane to be second string. Afterall, the second string opened my world to a world of learning. It means I have to try harder and though my entrance was by the barest of margins, I must push to be more. It might have been a fluke. It could have been fate. Or perhaps it was the well-written words of people who out of the kindness of their hearts gave me this opportunity. I would not have made it into the school without you, Dr. Helen and for that I thank you very, very much.
My gratitude also belongs to another - Perdana Global Peace Foundation. Standing on a platform of Anti-Warfare revealed how little I knew of the world, and how I have neglected a significant part of its identity. Thus in the meetings with volunteers, participants, my bosses, my colleagues - they taught me to see the world through the eyes of leaders, of victims, of the populace of a country and of those who have to come to terms with their limitations to help - and where they can push for more. Yet, standing on that platform of activism also raised fundamental questions that could not be answered through advocacy. It needed research. Timely research. Academic research.
RSIS gave me the opportunity to answer some questions that have been floating in my mind for quite awhile. It is a privilege to learn, and I would not have this privilege should I not be aware of my ignorance in the first place.
Another person necessary to the keeping of my sanity in this course is my high school friend, Sharmini. I do not believe we had discussed much on politics, but her presence is very much felt when I needed the emotional support to fast some nasty dragons from the past. Thank you so much for the time and the laughter. Though you're a 12-hour flip away, (and yes, I am cowardly in facing some things thank you very much) I am so thankful to have you as a friend. You're awesome!
There are many that with the passing of the course, I have come to appreciate more. Such as my time in MMU, that tested my resilience at being away from home. Babu, who had shown that not many things is impossible if one places their mind to it. That camaraderie is important. That relationships have to be cultivated, and taken cared of, and harvested. He had also shown that responsibility has to be shouldered if one wants to build these relationships. And though it took awhile (and my friends from Australia) for these lessons to sink in, I do try to practice it when I can.
Also, i remember the teachings in my undergrad. Some of my lecturers have impacted deeply the way I view things and certain lessons echo even in the midst of silence ("There is only one race, the human race" - Ben).
I would not have been able to complete the course without the support of my friends and one of my bosses from the Star. Who when i mentioned i'd be trying for it did not say, "Hey, you're crazy." Or my family for that matter, though they were befuddled that I'd choose this and doubtful in the beginning.
And the most omnipotent of them all, I'd like to thank God. For allowing this to happen. We'll have Words later.
I'd also like to thank those who have played a vital role in setting me forward: everyone. Or maybe just everyone in my social networks (awww, isn't that awfully cheesy?). Because in my weakest moments, stories and people drive me forward. I was about to type that the presence of people make me want to do better, if only out of a perverse need to impress. Then I thought, what if we lived in a world sans constant connectivity. Will I be complacent then? And I realise that perhaps if technology had remained as it did since 1993, I might be better off because the presence in my own head oppresses much, much more than those who surround me. However, in times of weaknesses, there will not be any mercy. I will not be the person I am today. I need the stories of the people, their experiences and the questions and the strength they have displayed.
Perhaps if history was written differently, I might be better. Perhaps if history was any different, I might be worst. Or none.
I am thankful that things have played out the way it did. And I hope I can constantly learn from those around me, as well as from tomes and life.