if you don't see it, write it ö3ö

(aka headcanons and aus i'm too shy to post on my main blog. they also count as prompts, if you want them, just link me! so far, mainly kingsman/merhartwin, but i have the odd matt/foggy priest au when the moon is right)

[crazywolf828]

To all my writers who have a tough time with smut terms and not knowing which ones to use, I have found the holy grail for us.

This reddit user took a poll of 3,500 people and went really in depth with asking their favorite terminology, along with actual pie charts on what the readers preferred to see in their smut.

Here's the direct link to the Google doc with all the info!

[pastelcheckereddreams]

Thank you for the WIP challenge tag, @returning-spring! I’m just going to post the last coherent passage in my Kinn x Porsche x Big doc, because it’s the most put-together thing I’ve got at the moment. 

“Big knows his station,” Kinn says, “The sacrifices that may entail.“ "Are you fucking kidding?!" 

The shove is not wholly unexpected. Kinn rocks with the momentum and raises his hands in surrender, because he knows, damnit, he knows how callous it is to think- 

"Bodyguards aren’t expendable, Kinn!” Porsche rages, his beautiful face contorting in disbelief. “Especially not ones we invite into our bed, our relationship!" 

You’re right, Kinn thinks, but shakes his head. It’s just not that simple.

”Especially then, Porsche,” he says, but immediately regrets the words as something in Porsche’s eyes shutter.

Somethingsomething relationship complications and miscommunication and trust issues.

[pastelcheckereddreams]

For the ship-asks PORSCHEBIG! They have a strange kind of exciting potential and I NEED to hear more from you👀💕

*banging pots and pans* PORSCHEBIG PORSCHEBIG. Oh the amount of notes I have written for PorschBig in this ot3 agenda.

The basic starting point I have for them is this: it starts with Big's poor luck, because Kinn keeps assigning Big the duty of standing guard while he and Porsche fuck.

Except, it doesn't start then.

It actually starts when Kinn notices Big’s eyes lingering on Porsche more than usual, and the way he averts his eyes from their PDA. Kinn mentions it to Porsche, who at first is obstinate about it - “what’s his problem?!” - until Kinn just hums thoughtfully and says, “I think he likes you.”

Because, against the arguments of his own brain, Big finds himself thinking about Porsche way too much. It's jealousy, at first, for the way Porsche so easily skirts responsibility with his cocky charm. He has Kinn falling for him in a way that Big obviously could never match up to. But hate is as much of an obsession as love, and Big comes to crave the reactions he gets from Porsche. And the more he watches Porsche... the more he learns about him, his compassion and conviction. His muscles and tattoo. And the more he wants.

It really does circle back to Big's poor luck, because now there are two men he feels attraction for (and lust, and jealousy, and loyalty, and hate, and devotion, and-), and they're in a relationship together. They're his superiors. And at every turn it feels like they keep shoving it in his face because even on his knees, Porsche has ears okay, he can hear a doorknob turning.

So basically, Porsche is driving this ot3, because his older sibling instinct sees a pathetic meowmeow he can adopt in Big, and his newly awakened bi instinct can see a pathetic wet man he can top and tame in Big.

Meanwhie, Kinn has always had a soft spot for Big that he had always labelled a weakness, and so treated him like/accidentally cultivated that pathetic wet man persona. But if Porsche shows him it's okay to want playthings that may become real relationship things because of his, Kinn Theerapanyakul's, big stupid heart, then...

And then pepper this with subtle (or not) bdsm flavouring. And that's it, that's the agenda. Porsche is driving this ship.

[pastelcheckereddreams]

I wrote more Kinn x Porsche x Big shuttup

I don’t actually remember the context around Ken’s whole *minor family thing*, I was distracted by Kinn and Porsche. So *shrugs* canon-divergence maybe.

Big’s hands shake. He wakes in a cold sweat, Ken’s name heavy on his tongue and the stench of his blood in Big’s nose. The image of his severed head lingers in a permanent afterimage behind Big’s eyelids, making it impossible to fall back to sleep. 

Days pass like this. Weeks, perhaps. 

Big feels flimsy with everyone’s Looks - of concern, of pity. Chan even makes a vague, stilted reference to compassionate leave. Big just doesn’t understand - he doesn’t understand how any of them can still trust him to do his job after this! He failed. He failed to see that Ken- Ken was compromised-

(Soon, only the cold stone of the bathroom tile under his knuckles makes sense as he learns to ignore the way his hands still shake and shake and shake.)

“Here,” Porche says, and slides a drink across the table. 

He doesn’t ask if Big wants to talk about it, and for that Big is actually grateful. Porsche either doesn’t care, or knows better, and Big is happy for that to remain a mystery. 

Instead, he raises the tumbler to his lips and winces against the gulp of harsh liquor. Nothing fancy, just a shot that burns all the way down, and Big finds he is grateful for the heat in his trembling limbs.

“Another,” he says to Porsche. 

Porsche frowns, but keeps pouring. And pouring. And- 

“Big,” comes Kinn’s voice and suddenly there Kinn is, right in front of him, cupping a hand under his chin and forcing him to turn his face for inspection. He knows how he must look - red-rimmed, bloodshot eyes, chapped lips, pale and drawn - in no state to protect anyone. 

Kinn doesn’t absolve him of blame. It’s not a kindness. It just is. He knows, just as Big knows, that Big should’ve been more vigilant, should’ve found suspicion in his friend’s actions because no one - no one - is that good.

A bitter chuckle tears itself from Big’s throat, rasping slightly from cigarette smoke and the spirits in his drink. 

For so long, Big survived by trusting no one. 

He thought he was used to it. He thought he was getting good at it. He idolised Kinn for his own ruthless paranoia, and aspired to see five, six steps ahead too - the way Khun Kinn does, the way P'Chan and Khun Korn do.

(He tried to learn chess once. Tried to get Chan to teach him.)

But really, aren’t they all just hypocrites? Friendships, relationships: they create blindspots out of the desire to be wanted. To be needed. The desire to be indispensable to someone.

This is Big’s biggest fault.

“No,” Porsche says, just as Kinn sighs, “Big…”

Something ugly and vulnerable curdles in Big’s gut. He shoves his boss’s hand away and stumbles up from the table, his chair clattering to the floor. 

“I can’t do this,” he sputters. “I’m not-”

He makes to flee, but Porche is faster, the nimble bastard. His arms come up to brace Big as he wobbles, even as Big aims a wild swing to his shoulder. 

“Don’t,” Big snarls, but his voice is reedy and unstable.

“Big,” Kinn says then, closer than before. “Listen to me.”

“Khun Kinn-” Big hears the thinness of his own voice from a distance, as if it isn’t his own.

“Your feelings aren’t a weakness,” Kinn says, and reaches for Big’s hand.

A high whine of distress bursts from Big’s throat.

[pastelcheckereddreams]

Tankhun exaggerates the unsettled shudder he feels as he walks into the bodyguard’s lounge, an attempt to diffuse the tension in the air just as much as the unease coiled in himself. The scattered acknowledgements he recieves amid the destracted cohort of bodyguards only serves to fray his nerves further.

“Arm!”

Arm materialises at his shoulder immediately, voice low and tense. “He won’t stop watching the news, Sir. We’ve tried to take the remote from him but-”

Tankhun knows then what he needs to do. He sighs loudly, with a dismissive flail of his bejewelled wrist.

The pink, sequined shimmer of his jacket sways into Big’s line of sight as Tankhun snatches the remote from his limp hand with a dispassionate tut.

“Enough of that.”

The TV screen blacks out on the revolving headling: Bystander, mother of two, shot twice by Theerapanyakul mafia thug.

Big blinks up at him, dread carved plainly into his face. His arms, now spilling loosely into his lap, make no move to form a wai or other acknowledgement. He simply seems drained. Bereft. Resigned.

Tankhun tuts louder, stomps his foot, shakes himself a little in a tantrum because what use is that? “Up!” he demands. “Up, up, come on! You have somewhere to be.”

Big doesn’t rise, his legs numb with dread - not until Arm and Pol flank him. He almost stumbles, but they take him by the elbows.

It doesn’t help.

“I already-” his voice cracks. He can barely keep up with their echo of Tankhun’s determined stride. “I already know what Chan will say. About- About smearing the family name- I-”

Tankhun stalls in his aggravated pace, casts an unreadable look over his shoulder.

“I’m not taking you to Chan,” he says, and tips his head to the door they have stopped in front of. It’s then Big starts to pay attention to their route, and his stomach drops further. This is the door to Khun Kinn’s rooms.

Big freezes.

It doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Khun, please-” he starts as Tankhun mercilessly raps on the door. It swings open almost immediately, and Big feels his heart stop.

He hasn’t faced Kinn’s wrath in a long time. The sight of it, the experience of it - smashed glass and barbed cusses that unpick Big at his seams for how much it reminds him of-

That forgotten fear floods him. A whiskey glass thrown at his head, a savage fist against his cheekbone-

“Big!” Porsche seems to fill the entire doorway, buzzing with the need to surge forward and-

and-

Porsche’s arms are around his shoulders. Porsche is hugging him. There is a hand at his neck, not threatening, just-

Porsche is- holding him?

“Tankhun, thank you.” Kinn’s voice sounds somewhere far away, and Big feels his body react. Even as Porsche’s solid, tight, embrace flexes tighter around him, Big’s muscles lock with worry.

Then, the door is clicking shut on Tankhun, and Big is on the other side.

He shivers, and keeps shivering, and keeps shivering, and keeps-

“-Big,” Kinn says (again?)

There is a ring on the hands that come up to clasp his own. He knows better than to resist.

“-Look at me.”

The tone of his voice, the way Kinn is looking at him, is - Big has only seen that kind of deep-browed concern on his face when Kinn has been speaking to Porsche after a difficult scene. But this isn’t- Big never-

“Shhh.” Porsche rematerialises at his side, pressing in to ghost the rim of a water glass over his lip. Between one blink and the next, Big is being pushed to sit down. “Drink up.”

[pastelcheckereddreams]

WELL I GUESS I’LL WRITE KINN/PORSCHE/BIG MYSELF THEN

It used to scare Big, the way he wants to serve Khun Kinn in any way Kinn would permit, craving even the smallest gesture of approval, of acknowledgment that he matters to the Family. To Kinn. 

He’s drawn to the effortless power and control in Kinn’s attitude, his posture, his words. He could degrade and praise Big in the same breath, and Big would happily thank him for it - for showing him, allowing him, a place at his side.  

It used to make him feel terrible transparent, that part of the attraction Big feels for Kinn is rooted in the man’s aloofness: The insurmountable distance between them and their stations stirs a yearning desire in Big’s heart that is familiar company. He knows his place, knows where he stands, and it is at arms’ length. He tells himself he is content with that. He tells himself he is comfortable with that reality. 

Until Porsche.

Porsche, who is no better than Big. Who is worse - who does not care for rules and regulations and shows no respect for Kinn or the Family.

So why does Khun Kinn favour him? Why does Porsche get to be the one by Kinn’s side?

Big is ashamed to admit that it unmoors him, and his jealousy and confusion stirs an ugly anger in his gut. 

But as Big shoves his weight around he soon begins to relish the resistance in Porsche, the way his buttons are so easily pushed and he can give as good as he gets. It’s predictable, dependable, in the same way Kinn’s aloofness is. And, like a moth to a flame, Big begins to crave Porsche’s attention too, even as he continues to hate him. 

He doesn’t expect to get it, even as something shifts between them. Even as Big starts to feel Kinn’s eyes upon him, watching them together - assessing. On the contrary, Kinn’s attention suddenly feels too much - too exposing, too dangerous - because surely Kinn will read the desire etched in every line of his body and put an end to it. 

Big becomes fearful with it, desperate, and despite his best efforts, it starts to affect his work as he pushes himself through long hours at the pool; throws himself recklessly into harms way in an effort to prove that he can still be useful, still be needed-

That’s when Porsche corners him, backs him against the wall of the gym even as Big snarls and provokes the other man. 

Porsche just grabs Big by the ponytail, pulls his head back, and Big - Big feels a rush of heat up his spine as Porsche presses close and growls, with deadly seriousness, behave, or we’ll make you.

It helps, of course, that Porsche is an extension of Kinn. His perfect weapon. To submit to Porsche’s bullying advances is to submit to Kinn’s will. Even though Big puts up a fight, it’s worth it to see the soft curl of satisfaction on Khun Kinn’s lips as Big slumps forward to his knees and bares the nape of his neck for Porsche’s warm hand.

(When Porsche’s thumb strokes a gentling arc under his ear, a pleased hum in his throat, Big pretends the shudder he can’t suppress is from Kinn’s approval alone.)

It unsettles Big more than he wants to admit, that in all the ways Khun Kinn is untouchable, his praises hard-won, Porsche is the opposite. He’s so tactile, and grins so easily, wearing down the insecurities shielding Big’s heart. He will throw himself into a bewildered Big’s lap and nose smugly under his jaw until Big scratches his nails through Porsche’s hair like the man is an overgrown cat.

It’s - good. It’s gentle, in a way Big didn’t think he could be. In a way Big would never dare try to be with Kinn. It works, somehow. The balance of them all. 

At least, Big hopes so. He really, really hopes so.

[incorrectkinnporsche]

We already have the ChanBig agenda and the BigTay agenda, so let me join to the holy trinity with the ✨BigPorsche agenda ✨

So, today I bring you more dumb headcanons of them that no one asked for

• Porsche wears reading glasses. Big never thought that he would find that oddly cute.

• Porsche tends to lose things (especially his glasses) and Big is the one who tells him all the time where said things are.

• Big usually has nightmares that tend to end in sleepless nights. Every time that happens, Porsche lies down next to him and they just talk about anything until they both fall asleep again.

• Porsche going to his parents grave (that, apparently are not as dead as we thought) and taking Big with him. Porsche says something like "Mom, Dad, this is my boyfriend. He tried to kill me on my first day of job, but i swear he's the best thing that ever happened to me." And then both start laughing

• Porsche being extremely detailed and curious, compiling in his mind ridiculously specific facts about Big, like his favorite book or how many spoonfuls of sugar he puts in his coffee. Big is surprised because no one had bothered to know those things about him.

• Porsche kissing Big's gunshot scar (because he's obviously alive and completely recovered, guys) every time he has the chance

( Yeah, I wrote this on my phone notes at 3am instead of sleeping. ) They make me:

[glamgoblin]

It’s amazing how Not Me is queer anticapitalist media available for free on YouTube through the sheer power of soy milk and oishi

[gifetc]

Promise me you will take good care of yourself. You too. Don’t die. 

[sunsetandthemoon]

NOT ME (2021 - 2022)

[foralleternityidiot]

political radicalization via homosexual attraction is something that can actually be so personal

[bun-fun]

a lot of you will have noticed that @demonicsymphony and I tend to… get… spiral? out of control when we talk merhartwin headcanons

believe me, what you see is very, very mild compared to our emails. to put into perspective:

wemet about 1 and half months ago. two days ago I compiled our aus and hcs and they totaled to 53.

We have since outlined 3 more aus. and we live in 6-7 hours time zone difference.

[demonicsymphony]

We really should start this again

[bun-fun]

Those were the days xD

[bun-fun]

I'm.always up for some ot3 and this one ain't no different

Seems like I'm going to have to pool noodle this ship tho

[happy-snape-week]

The council has voted

Happy Snape Week is a go

Dates: 9th to 16th January 2022

Old rules apply: wholesome, happy, snep-centric stuff

Medium: fanfic, fanart, headcanon, themeboard, wrong quotes, and if you're ambitious, playlists, dances, and videos lol

If you want/need a prompt: velcro vs buttons ;)

Submissions: @ us, our open ao3 collection, our submission link

Now go forth and create!

[happy-snape-week]

The council has voted

Happy Snape Week is a go

Dates: 9th to 16th January 2022

Old rules apply: wholesome, happy, snep-centric stuff

Medium: fanfic, fanart, headcanon, themeboard, wrong quotes, and if you're ambitious, playlists, dances, and videos lol

If you want/need a prompt: velcro vs buttons ;)

Submissions: @ us, our open ao3 collection, our submission link

Now go forth and create!

[happy-snape-week]

2022!! Not 2021, thanks @gawaincomic 🤣😅

[happy-snape-week]

The council has voted

Happy Snape Week is a go

Dates: 9th to 16th January 2022

Old rules apply: wholesome, happy, snep-centric stuff

Medium: fanfic, fanart, headcanon, themeboard, wrong quotes, and if you're ambitious, playlists, dances, and videos lol

If you want/need a prompt: velcro vs buttons ;)

Submissions: @ us, our open ao3 collection, our submission link

Now go forth and create!

[happy-snape-week]

2022!! Not 2021, thanks @gawaincomic 🤣😅

[leonard-cold]