Read it on ao3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/82892456
by orphan_account
Original Author: angelqueen04
Rating: R
Pairing: girl!Merlin/Arthur
Warnings: Genderbending, explicit sexual situations
Summary: He doesnât notice that her eyes are blue until after she storms away.
Spoilers: for Season One only
Word Count: 6,264 words
Original Beta: significantowl
Original Disclaimer: The series Merlin is owned by the BBC, who based it off of the Arthurian legends, which belong to all who know them. I make no claim on the former, though.
Original Authorâs Notes: This story has been my guilty pleasure for nearly a year. I am a huge fan of born-as-a-girl!Merlin stories, and couldnât resist writing one of my own, even if I never planned on posting it. However, now that I finally finished it, I just canât resist posting it anyway.
Words: 6242, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English
Fandoms: Merlin (TV)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Categories: F/M
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Additional Tags: Female Merlin (Merlin)
Read it on ao3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/82892456
okay but we need to TALK about how Merlin just casually gives merlin the most insane, compounding trauma and then expects him to go back to polishing boots like nothing happened
like. this is a BOY.
this is a teenager who shows up in camelot and within approximately five minutes is told by Gaius:
âhey so you have world-ending levels of power :) also if anyone finds out you will be executed :) have fun!â
and then Kilgharrah is like:
âyour destiny is everything. your feelings are irrelevant.â
???????
so now we have merlin:
cannot tell anyone who he is
cannot be fully known by anyone
cannot even react honestly to the things happening to him
and THEN
Will dies protecting merlinâs secret â merlin learns: people die if they know me
Freya dies in his arms right after he allows himself to love someone â merlin learns: if i love someone, they die
Balinor (his father!!) dies basically immediately â merlin learns: i donât get to keep family
Lancelot sacrifices himself â merlin learns: good people die for me
Gwaine is tortured and dies â merlin learns: i canât save everyone, even when i try
and then. THEN.
Arthur Pendragon dies.
after YEARS of merlin:
saving his life in secret
sacrificing everything
shaping his entire existence around this ONE destiny
and what does merlin get?
arthur finding out the truth for like five minutes and then dying in his arms.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME.
and the show justâ
ends.
no processing.
no support system.
no âhey maybe this boy has severe survivorâs guilt and complex traumaâ
because merlin canât even GRIEVE properly.
he canât tell anyone:
why will died
who freya was to him
that balinor was his father
what lancelot actually did
how many times he saved arthur
so all of that grief just sits there. unspoken. unacknowledged. unresolved.
like imagine carrying:
the weight of destiny
the responsibility for a kingdom
the knowledge that your loved ones died for or because of you
and the fact that the ONE person it was all for is gone anyway
The frogâ Merlinâ ribbits in agreement, somehow managing to sound unimpressed. Who knew that frogs could be so expressive?
âAnd how, exactly, did my manservant get turned into a frog?â
The knights squirm under Arthurâs gazeâ except for Gwaine, because Gwaine is an idiot and, like Merlin, hasnât yet figured out that Arthurâs title demands some respect. Unlike Merin, Gwaineâs obstinance is far less endearing.
âThere was a sorceress,â Gwaine says, unbothered.
Arthur fights the urge to bash him over the head. Itâs bad enough that he let Merlin get turned into an amphibian; itâs even worse that he doesnât care. Gwaine, he decides, is on evening watch for a month, no, a year.
âUnfortunately,â Gwaine continues, while Arthur glares daggers at him, âMerlin is a bit greener than usual. But, the sorceress did tell us how to fix him.â
Arthur glances at the other knights for confirmation.
âShe did,â Leon agrees, while Elyan, Lancelot, and Percival all nod beside him.
Arthur almost demands to know why they havenât done it already, thenâ but the knights love Merlin; if they could have fixed him already, they would have. There must be something about the cure that made them hesitateâ magic? A quest? Whatever it is, Arthur will grant it.
It used to scare him, how heâd do anything for Merlin. Now, itâs a simple fact of life. Arthur would burn the world to the ground if it kept Merlin safe.
âWhat is it?â he asks, dreading the worst.
âHe needs a prince to kiss him,â Leon says.
Arthurâs world goes screeching to a stop.
âThat would be you,â Gwaine provides unhelpfully. âBest pucker up, Princess.â
Arthurâs gaze drops to Merlin, in all his froggish glory. Quite frankly, itâs embarrassing that Arthur isnât horrified at the prospect of kissing Merlin, even like thisâ which Arthur shouldnât want to do anyway, because Merlin is an idiot who trips over his own two feet and thinks that heâs been sneaky hiding his magic and calls Arthur names on a daily basis.
âSurely,â Arthur says, looking perhaps a little desperately at the knights, âthe sorceress meant that he just needed to be kissed by someone. Not⊠a prince.â
Even though Arthur spends an almost pathetic amount of time thinking about kissing Merlin, he canât just lean over and plant one on him. Merlin has never given any indication that he wants to be kissed by Arthur, and it would feel like taking advantage. He doesnât want to do that to Merlin.
(And thereâs a fear, circling about in his head like some sort of ominous bird, that if Arthur kisses Merlin, even for something as innocent as this, Merlin will suddenly realize that Arthur doesnât quite think of him solely as a friend and will want nothing to do with him. Arthur doesnât know what he would do, if Merlin left. Heâs not sure that he could take it.)
âAlas!â Gwaine presses a hand over his heart dramatically, ignoring the violent slashing gestures Elyan is making and Leonâs oh fuck. âI gave it a valiant effort, but despite my charmsââ
Arthur sees red. Or, rather, his mind presents him first with an image of Gwaine kissing his mucus-covered amphibian of a manservant, and then, with an image of Gwaine kissing a very human Merin. The jealousy is nearly blinding, and before Arthur is fully aware of it, heâs advancing on Leon.
âGive me Merlin.â
Leon hands Merlin over without a word.
Merlin shuffles about awkwardly in Arthurâs grasp, somehow managing to look both deeply annoyed and horribly trusting as he looks up at him. Itâs easy to picture the expression that he would be wearing if he were humanâ and that gives Arthur some satisfaction, because surely Gwaine doesnât know Merlin well enough for that.
Except, Gwaine looks like the cat that got the cream, and that only emboldens Arthurâs recklessness. Before he can think about it, heâs pressing his lips to Merlinâs froggy forehead, andâ
Thereâs a flash of light, and then Merlin, his Merlin, in all his gawkish, gangly glory is standing before him.
Arthurâs lips are still warm against his forehead, and his first thought is, oh. So thatâs how it feels, and then the rest of his brain catches up. He jerks back.
For a moment, everything is very, very still. Arthur can feel his face flushing, any quips to diffuse the situation catching in his throat.
Merlin is looking at him with an expression thatâs almost disarmed. The tips of his ears are steadily turning pink, and if Arthur werenât trying to remember how to breathe, heâd find it utterly endearing.
The knights, of course, are no help. They just stand there awkwardly, content to let Arthur suffer. Traitors.
In the end, Merlin is the one to break the silence.
âI think my feet are still webbed,â he blurts out, and Arthur stares at him. He fidgets a bit, blush deepening. âThat isâ we should probablyâ you knowâ properly.â
Arthurâs brain is slow to respond. Merlin wants Arthur to kiss him properly. On the lips? Is that what he means by properly? Why would Merlin want Arthur toâ?
Oh, Arthur realizes. The revelation nearly plows him over. Merlin cares for Arthur, perhaps the same way Arthur does for him, and he wants to be able to kiss Arthur, too.
Merlin, it seems, has taken Arthurâs dumbstruck expression as a no, and begins quickly backpedaling, âOr not, and you can just condemn me to a life of webbed feet and Iâll be even more clumsy and I already am and probably trip over something and dieââ
Arthur grabs the collar of Merlinâs jacket and pulls him close, sending their mouths crashing together.
Despite the force with which it starts, once Merlin realizes whatâs happening and begins to reciprocate, they both seem to melt into it. Itâs familiar in a way Arthur never would have expected for a fist kissâ but of course it is. He knows Merlin better than anyone, and in turn, is known by Merlin better than anyone. How could it not be like coming home?
When they pull apart, Arthurâs heart is thudding against his ribcage. He feels alive in a new, vibrant way. Itâs as though the very blood in his veins is singing.
Across from him, there is gold fading from Merlinâs eyes. If Arthur cared to look, heâs sure that heâd find proof of what must have been accidental magic somewhere in the room, but he cares more about how stunning Merlin is like this, flushed and looking at him like that.
Arthur wants to kiss him again.
âI think your tongue might still be a bit froggish,â he says, a bit breathlessly. âWe should⊠investigate that.â
âAbsolutely,â Merlin agrees, nodding.
âOh, god,â Leon says.
âWhat, youâre not staying for the show?â Gwaine asks.
âThatâs disgusting, Gwaine,â Elyan says.
Arthur thinks that the knights start to file out, Gwaine probably complaining and making lewd comments the whole way, but heâs not really sure. Heâs too busy confirming that while Merlinâs tongue is, in fact, not particularly frog-like, he can do really interesting things with it that make Arthur go weak in the knees.
Yeah. They might be, erm, curse breaking for quite a while.
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