Haphazardness.

18 | Filipino | Paris | Online diary.

[buoyantdamsel]

Idk but I always try to be happy but there are nights where I wake up at random hours to cry because I feel lost.

I'm finishing my studies soon and I felt like I didn't learn anything at all. I feel like I'm not good enough to do anything!? I have lots of interests but I master nothing. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

[buoyantdamsel]

today.

[buoyantdamsel]

let's pretend it's 2012 internet

[buoyantdamsel]

[buoyantdamsel]

art dump

[buoyantdamsel]

Just some mac photobooth images 🍎🖤

[buoyantdamsel]

Yesterday.

I am missing the old normal.

[buoyantdamsel]

We were eating saucissons and cheese when we decided to wear dainty dresses. 🥺 Bonding with the family will always be the best things to do inside our comfort zones.

---

Speaking of family, last night woke up from a painful menstrual cramp. 4 hours of feeling irritated. 4 hours of painthatIcan'tdonothingabout. At 3am, I wanted to wake up my mother and help me control the pain but suddenly remembered that I am freakin 21 years old and I felt obligated to handle these kinds of things by myself. As I am feeling this cramp, I had some thoughts in my mind. I was contemplating if I could live alone in the near future. Growing up, I used to depend everything on my mom. Now that I am older, I want to uncloack the independence within myself.

[molinacelina]

[buoyantdamsel]

12 year old me. Oh, how I wish those days when the only problem I had was just anything school-related.

Anyway, I hope someone could help me retrieve this account.

[buoyantdamsel]

Here's some photos of me after 2 weeks of working out. *I only learned how to take care of my body during the lockdown. I hope I don't lose the motivation to do exercise*

It's so nice to see how people, during the quarantine, started appreciating & loving themselves --- how families got even closer than before --- how they discovered talents within them --- etc, BUT thinking of the less fortunate, how people died before because the virus, how this pandemic extensively affected their lives made me realize how unfair really world is. While people like us are enjoying these quaranthingz, the latter are fighting the crisis, contemplating how they could survive another day without money.

[buoyantdamsel]

Let's normalize not wearing bras. They are one of the most uncomfortable garments ever.

[buoyantdamsel]

MOVIE NIGHT💗

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irDNoorpCDc&feature=share

[buoyantdamsel]

Wine night with fam (26/11/2017)

Le Ciel de Paris 

[buoyantdamsel]

[buoyantdamsel]

Thank you for your endless support for me. Thank you for giving me reasons to stay happy and strong. Thank you for your loooong patience. Thank you for being so understanding. Thank you for loving me. (well, i wish you STILL do😂) I'm amazed how you manage to keep up with me when I know I am your total opposite. I'm weak, impatient, stubborn, craby, I am all the negative words existing in this world. I want to make you happy, but I always fail to do that. I failed to act properly. I was angry. Wait. No. I'm always angry with no reason at all. And you were the punching bag to relieve my anger. I should not have done that. So many things I wished I did not say, but now that I have said them, all I want is for you to forgive me. Please forgive me for constantly hurting you. I am truly sorry. I know these words can't undo the nights lying awake. They can't take back the unkind words I said or the way I said my feelings. They can't erase the tears I cried (you too, maybe). I was too insensitive. I can't promise you that I can be better, but I'll try to work out my emotional issues. Also, please teach me how can I make things right. I have written so much for an instagram caption. But I can't express to you enough how sorry I am, how thankful I am, and how much I love you. -A💗

[buoyantdamsel]

My first try in applying makeup. LOL

[buoyantdamsel]

Me as a sister. 😝