magsᝰ.ᐟ

writer, amongst most things.

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• 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 • 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 • 𝐬𝐮𝐛𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 •

names magdalena, but just call me mags to be short & sweet.

20, she/her, admirer of the amicable being that is schlatt.

enfj - gemini - perturbed writer

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Every day I wake up knowing where mutuals and it makes him a smile shine bright like a star my Shayla

MY SHAYLAAAAA ... ☹️ you are so sweet, thank you for the continuous love peach :,,)

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I’M GOING ANON FOR THIS BUT ‘lauve’ THAT???? IS THAT PERCHANCE A REFERENCE TO ARTIST LAUV OR WERE U FEELING SILLY WITH SPELLING LOVE EITHER WAY I LAUVE THAT TOO!!!! (I am unfortunately not the anon that sent that ask but I am a mootie of yours!!! <3)

i used to like that one lauv song a long time ago but i just say lauve because it sounds out like "law-ve" and i Enjoy the dramatic effect for some odd reason !

also can we talk about how 'i like me better' song ruled the 2017 instagram edit era

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Naked and afraid is exactly how I like my men

Who said that?????

a little bit sweaty too.

who on earth would say that. show Yourself.

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hey..💗💗 i lave ur fanfics sooooo much thank you for ur service….. idk if you do anon emojis so. if you do can i be 🪻

ok that’s i. i lava u bai.

thank you so much !! you're such a sweetheart, and of COURSE you can be 🪻. i would lauve that.

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Hiii! Can I just say that I genuinely love your writing, I’ve read so many Schlatt writers (and no shade to them,I love them and their work too) but yours just always gets me, also you just seem like a really cool person in general too😭

Anyways I have a submission where reader and schlatt are having a baby and their in the labor room after she has just given birth and reader is just admiring their baby with schlatt, or the opposite where he’s admiring her and their baby, like just a really ‘sun and moon’ by mage tears inspired writing, really calm and sweet and precious moments between the two. Anyways I love you and you’re hope you doing well pretty!!😋😋

all i need.

♡ navigating new life is confusing but beautiful, but it's not a challenge when such sweetness is granted in the human form of him. now you have the fruition of your love, all bundled in cotton.

♡ established relationship, tooth rotting fluff, trying out a new writing style so bear with me, fem reader.

isn't it sweet?

the words fluttered your mind, an amalgamation of poetic words to try and perfectly detail this new found feeling. if you could only piece any string of letters to describe this light souring in your chest. only a heartbeat could be appropriate for this.

her heartbeat. your fingers brushing against the knitted blanket wrapped around her tiny body, attempting to count how many beats her little heart paced a minute. her sweet eyes closed as you gazed at her even tinier face, how could something so small arrange such a huge feeling within you?

the rustling of the near plastic sheet arose as schlatt nudged himself closer to you, you could hear how deep his breaths were. knowing the both of you couldn't have imagined it would feel this way, sure the two of you haven't spoken. it doesn't take words sometimes though, rather a moment. even a moment of silence.

silence can fill so much, especially when it's something like this. you ripped your eyes off of her and turned to him, letting out a huff of air that was a bit too loud for comfort. every sound felt like a ear piercing alarm, the only sound that was tolerable was her little sleeping babbles. you just wanted to drink in the peaceful silence, fearing it would slip right out of your fingers if you blinked.

can i cry right now?

the sentence kept beckoning in the back of his head, it was the only words that felt necessary. how could he be looking at something like this and not feel the need to just, cry. obviously not out of sadness, rather of the reality that he wasn't just a simple title anymore. he brought in life. actual life, with you.

his mind kept wandering on the possibilities, would she get his smile? would she get your cleverness? could she be everything he needed to complete the sore spot in his chest that left aching? he could only pray that he would hand the same gentle love that was left tattooed on his heart from her. even if she'd only been in this world for a few hours, this was the rest of anything ever.

his eyes wandered to the warm morning sunlight beaming onto the edge of the bed, trying not to crack to himself as he realized his daughter was going to be an early bird by popular theory. much different to himself, he looked back to her sleeping state. how the blanket over her cradled body heaved up and down, almost matching the beeps from the hospital's machinery. what a beautiful way to put it, she matched everything now.

he wasn't ever the type to be outwardly sensitive, but it was awfully hard to not be in this moment. he curled his bottom lip in his teeth, the gentle sting as he desperately tried to control his emotions. he wasn't the one who just gave birth, you were. yet somehow, in life's funniest ways, he was the one who had to keep reminding himself that this was real. it was just hard to take in, something that he helped create, could be this wonderful.

don't want to blink.

you couldn't, rather you simply fought not to. the small details of her skin were too remarkable to not gaze at for hours, a small grin creeping on your lips as you realized she had the tiniest birthmark shining on her cheek. it almost matched the little patch of red schlatt would get when he blushed on the side of his temples.

that was the beauty of detail, but it showed how much you loved him. how much you love and were going to grow love for her, as well. you pondered to yourself, the gentle white noise cutting through your ears from the quiet fan. if you could bottle this, you absolutely would. though the thought that this would disappear before you knew it, absolutely ached you.

she was going to grow, learn to smile, or worse ; gain schlatt's attitude. of course, only a playful joke. you could only dream she'd look up to him, look up to you. see you two as the pair you desperately longed for, be the reality that you made your fantasy. that, you could. which made it even all more worth it, your mind reeling at all the things you were able to provide for this sweet girl.

the thought alone was enough to bring your eyes to gentle tears, hoping a whimper from the emotion wouldn't sneak out of your lips. you could've blamed it on the pain medication that was slowly making it's way into your system, but you didn't want that. it would only conclude with you sleeping, you couldn't. you had this, her, him. her and him. all you would need, forever.

i'm not so afraid of it anymore.

he thought to himself, all the talks from his own father. every man he looked up to, all of their words hitting him at once. though, it didn't seem to matter in the moment. the look alone of her was enough to convince his rather bitter mind that he could in fact be something more. he was something more. right now.

he looked back to you, watching as the tears bubbled on your waterline. what a sight to see. he knew he called you beautiful, gorgeous, or whatever compliment he fished out of his brain; but right now he really couldn't come up with a word to best describe how genuinely unreal he found you. the puffiness in your skin from all the physical pressure of childbirth, or how your hair stuck up from all the static around you.

he knew you'd practically bark at him for daring to call you attractive or any synonym of that term right now, but he definitely had the words bubbling up in his chest. just aching to be spilled from his lips that were desperate to cut through the silence, just so you knew how precious he found this moment. even if it meant tearing into the white noise around and looking you into the eyes to just say 'you did a great thing.'

instead, his lips fumbled on his own words. he leaned into your shoulder with the lightest pressure he could give to you, still fearful that you would break like literal porcelain after preforming such a physical work out. "sweet." he whispered, unsure on why he only said the one word. why he whispered it, even. his own soft tone surprised him, he was capable of being so nurturing?

it is nothing short of sweet.

his sudden words caught you off guard, steering your eyes back to him. only being met with the same look you had on your face, perfectly printed all over his. you let the tear trickle down your cheek as you smile fondly at him, unable to even get your words together to reply, but his eyes just screamed, 'i know, i know.'

he sighed out, leaning his forehead to rest gently on the top of your head. being sure to flourish his lips against your head, only way he could properly communicate it. fluttering his eyes shut, knowing the waterworks were going to make their way if he didn't. "i don't think i've loved you more." his words lingered in the air, kissing your head once more, becoming more feverish by the next peck. "than in this moment." his words choked out more.

his eyes squeezed shut as he felt the warmth rush up to his head, they were definitely coming. you tenderly smiled and looked back down to her, seeing her eyes slowly open. her curious eyes looking right up at him, her little forehead crinkling as she desperately tried to figure out, what was that voice i just heard?

"baby, look." you softly cooed, making him lift his head off of you to eye down, being met with her eyes open and darting right at him. that was the final touch for him, seeing how beautiful her eyes looked as they curiously searched his face. his grin growing by the second as he bathed in the silence between the two of them. this was love, right here. this is how love was supposed to be.

eyes like mine, heart like yours.

it was almost like she had a ray of yellow around her face, a perfect ring of promise. her eyes being living proof that life goes on, time is worth waiting, but now time, was well, time. the second her brown eyes met with his own, he realized there wouldn't ever be enough time to bask in her presence. almost a cruel joke, not being able to nurture the moments long enough, cause when you find them ; you wouldn't ever be able to bottle them.

but he had it right now, right in front of his eyes. "hi sweetheart." he cooed out, reaching out a hand to the fold of her blanket. roaming his thumb along the soft knitted fabric, how warm she must've been under all the yarn. her eyes seemed to follow his every moment as he spoke, "i think she recognizes your voice." you whispered out, but her eyes remained fixed on him.

he softly nodded and swallowed the lump in his throat, shakily smiling as he gently patted the wrapped blanket before pulling his hand away slowly. "yeah." he choked out, wiping the tear from his cheek, and attempting to fix his breath. he couldn't be such a mess, especially with you. nor her. "i don't think i can ever thank you enough." he muttered out with a stifled sigh, resting his heavy head onto you. feeling the anchor being lifted off of him.

he didn't have to be strong, this statuette of agility. he was allowed to be clay, soft and warm moldable clay for this new life to form him into this new edge. maybe make his words softer, his eyes seek out kindness more, his fingertips only fix. this was all he could've hoped for, he just didn't know that all along this was he was hoping for ; not until it popped right in front of him.

tired but happy.

you watched the moment occur between the two of them, knowing this was the start of something you wouldn't have been able to even fathom in the past. this wasn't your past though, it was something to prove it has washed away. a silent omen that you did it, you overcame. now rewarded with something so gentle.

her eyes moved to yours, almost startling you. did she feel it? could she even feel what you were? that was the ethereal part of it all, somewhere deep in the atmosphere ; everything in this room knew. even the resting wood in the walls, how the sun shine began to dance on your shoulders, seeing the branches move with the wind. the shadows casting along her dear face.

everything had it's purpose, the doors were open. it was just up to you and him to keep them open, and that answer was quite clear. the simplest yes you could ever say, this was destiny. for once in your life, you thought it ; and genuinely believed it. just by the look in her eyes, you knew. life wasn't a boulder, it wasn't something to waste away focusing on the bitter side. you had these landscapes painted in front of your eyes this whole time, it just took the look in her eyes to help you color them in.

no more grey, no more blandness. your pallet of life was now only going to be consistent of yellow, pink, shades of orange. she was your sunset, he was your cushioned bay window to watch it grow on. maybe some days it'd be purple, or dark. maybe some days you'd even miss the colors change, but you knew you'd be there to watch it none the less, like clock work. how could you imagine something much more meaningful than what was bestowed right in the crook of your arm. real meaning, and it could only age well. the only sting was how long the colors would last, but the hourglass could wait. all you had was now, and that's all the two of you would ever want or need.

author's note : i throughly appreciate your patience with me, i hope you know i lauve you. also . . . how do we feel about the writing style for this ? i hope you love it, even if it's a month late. never forgot about it !! tee-freaking-hee-hee.

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masterlist . . .

fluff / comfort !

" for you, i'm an insomniac. "

" it's no bother baby."

" touché. "

" all behind you now. "

" these hands can only be gentle. "

" does pink even suit me ? "

" all i need. "

smutty ones !

" could get used to this. "

" fickle flame. "

" developed a taste for you "

" italian leather sofa. "

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submission / inbox rules . . .

i'm truly not choosy with my writing but these are the very few limitations i have. i've seen my fair share of things so no, you will not scare me off ! just be mindful, and as will i !

"what do you write?"

primarily, i am an exclusive writer for schlatt ... BUT. if you like, request a ted fic. i definitely won't complain, i also go feral over that man. especially now with his stache. ooooo. don't start. i also write mainly fem reader, because i'm fem, but if you want anything different in that department ! i have no issue with that ! :>

"what will you write?"

i will write just about anything ! there's not too much i'm uncomfortable with. for example, if it's something rather sensitive [ comfort fics ; mental/eating disorders for example ] i will just throughly tag it, if you don't like it. simply don't read it.

"what won't you write?"

i won't write anything regarding ddlg, ageplay, bodily fluids; scat, piss, or blood, or anything that is just. straight abuse with the label bdsm slapped on top of it. i'm an angst writer but DAMN. no hate to anyone who enjoys to write/read that, it's just not my lane. so i won't write something i'm not educated on, because i don't want to steer someone's gears the wrong way because i don't write it properly. i hope that you understand !

"what do you enjoy writing the most?"

as of recent, i have been really loving fluff. i know, the girl who started off her tumblr blog with a heart wrenching angst series is going soft, tell me about it. i still will write angst though, don't think you're safe. enough with the sillies though, i do really love writing comfort fics for people. i know it may seem STUPID but it makes my heart happy to light up people with my writing.

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i'm redoing my blog bc i want a different theme so DON'T LOOK AT ME IT'S GONNA BE NAKED AND AFRAID. thank you.

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your fics bae.. they’re so good 🫦 literally went through every single one and had to re-read all of them, you’re so talented

you are truly so divine, such high praise coming from you !! i ADORE your writing, especially your page set up. ugh, to die for.

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Hi ur the best schlatt writer ever in history ok thanks bye

UR SOSWEET QUIT ITTTT . i lauve u so bad. i'll finish a fic today just for You

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the brain worms were at it again. i go to sleep now.

also DARE I SAY ... this look ... ? oh yeah. yeah.

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hellooooo!!! do you think you could write something about doing schlatts makeup or playing with his hair when you’re bored or something to that effect? also your writing is so good and i love your page setup, its so cute!!

˗ˏˋ ❝ does pink even suit me ? ❞ ˎˊ˗

this idea is so adorable so THANK you for suggesting it, this is about to be the most fluff ridden thing i've ever written.

summary : fiddling around with your makeup bag, whilst he just lays bedridden; arises a new idea to you. does he think it's stupid at first? yeah, but he'll do just about anything to earn your smile.

⋮ ⌗ ┆established relationship, tooth rotting fluff, schlatt is SUCH a sweetie pie in this one, banter, fem reader.

sitting on the soft carpet, you wandered your hands into your makeup bag that most likely needed some care. there really wasn't much else to do, considering it was such a rainy day in new york. so the only noises you could hear was the roar of thunders and every cat tiktok that schlatt was stalking on his phone. giggling to yourself quietly when you heard something from his phone, probably some poor kitty falling off a counter top and making a big comical noise. your hands continued to rummage through the bag, eventually finding a blush you swore went missing months ago. guess actually going through things helps in that department. pulling it out and eyeing it to see if the packaging got damaged.

schlatt's lingered over to where you were sitting, he was curious as to why you were on the floor of all places. of course, he knew better than to question those arrangements. considering you weren't exactly the most normal person there was, all with love though. he plopped his phone onto his chest, the soft volume of whatever tiktok he was watching still playing through the speaker. "what are you lookin' at hun?" he asks out of the blue, startling you a bit. he hadn't spoken in the last hour so. you whip your head to him with a soft grin, raising up the blush in your palm. his eyebrows raising gently as he eyed the blush in your hand, smiling to himself on how cute you looked in the moment.

"ah, you finally found the- uh. what's it called?" he stammered out, a bit embarrassed that he still hasn't gotten down all the makeup terminology. "blush, well- liquid blush if you want to be technical about it." you reply, looking back down to the blush and twirling it around with your fingers. "hm, makes your cheeks all pinky, right?" he muttered with a quiet chuckle, starting to sit up more upright in the bed as he looked down at you sitting. you softly nod and look back up to him on the bed, "i think i was wearing this on our first date actually." you snicker to yourself as you drop the blush into your lap, now just wanting to look at him. he looked awfully adorable when he wasn't all the way there, just unbrushed hair, fuzzy chops, in one of his old sweatshirts he probably scammed someone on ebay for. you thought so even if he disagreed.

"gonna be so honest with you, the color of your cheeks is not something i remember from that day." he stated, his words waning as he stretched out his arms. he slumped his shoulders back down with a gentle grin, "i just remember how your eyes looked when i called you pretty for the first time." he added on, tucking his lip in with a smile. you playfully scoff at him, waving your hand around with a chuckle. "okay smooth guy, you win." you reply, shaking your head and go back to rummaging through your makeup bag. being pleasantly surprised to notice how many things you mostly just forgot about. schlatt sighed with a smile, kicking his legs off the edge as he stood himself off from the bed. eyeing you as you went through your bag, walking behind you and taking a seat right next to you. even if it was on the floor, he couldn't pass this up.

you side eyed him as you saw him adjust his legs on the floor, grinning to yourself as you noticed how he was trying to cross his legs like you were. he groaned as he finally got the position he wanted, leaning his head down to your shoulder. "going through your makeup?" he muttered, sinking his cheek further into the soft cushion of your sweatshirt. you softly nodded, bringing your hand to gently pat the side of his head. "mhm, figured it was time." you mutter, tangling your fingers into his hair as you knitted his head. his eyes failing to stay open as you continued, he absolutely loved when you did this. even if he never said it out loud, his furrowed eyebrows when you stopped spoke for themselves. "you're so disorganized." he joked, nudging his head closer to you.

"well what do you think i'm doing then, huh?" you scoffed at him, pulling your fingers away from his head. hearing an immediate elongated 'hmph' from his closed lips. he whipped his head back up and rested his hands into his lap, sat like a kid who just got in trouble. his eyes roam to the window, watching as the rain fell on the glass panes so harshly. "i hope the kitties are okay." he mumbled, making you look up from the makeup bag. "those outdoor kitties are just fine, i'm sure they're safe under somewhere dry." you reply, rubbing his shoulder gently as you try to silently convince him to not bring in yet another cat. he just leans back and plops his back onto the carpet, a bit surprised on how nice it felt on his back. groaning and looking up to you, "just so bored."

he was unbelievably dramatic, even bringing his hands up to his face to sulk. you look to the makeup bag, then to him, then right back to the makeup bag. an idea arising in your head, perhaps an idea he wouldn't be the most ecstatic about but, an idea non the less for such a bleak day. he knitted his eyebrows at you, immediately picking up on your signals. "you don't even have to say it, you weirdo." he stammers out, placing his arms behind his head as he laid out on the carpet. "you literally have the prettiest eyelashes, come on." you try and convince him, drooping your shoulders for the dramatic effect. two could play that game. he just shakes his head and groans out, but not surprised you'd come up with an idea like this. it was you after all.

"only to prove i'm comfortable with my- masculinity." he coughed out, rolling his eyes back to you. the answer making you nearly jump in glee, it wasn't such a boring day anymore. your reaction only sending him back further as he snickered to himself, watching as you grabbed your makeup bag by the handle and scooted over to him with the same smile that made him fall for you in the first place. "don't break a nail with that excitement." he added on with a sarcastic undertone, just to rough up the edges a bit. you looked up from unzipping your bag, slowly peeling back the top as you looked at him with playful annoyance. he always needed to get the last word in, seems it was just his character.

he softly snickered under his breath, readjusting his hands underneath his head as he watched you pull out numerous items. in which they all looked incredibly foreign to him. his eyes widened as you palmed a pan with a smile, looking at him as you held up the brush in your other hand. "it's just blush." you groan out with a smile, as you start to lean over him to start applying. now he wasn't so terribly mad at the idea anymore, your face looked really pretty from this angle. seems he's smitten any which way you look at it, really. he closes his eyes in his thinking that the brush was going to go on his eyes, the little notion causing a snicker of your own to be heard. making him shoot his eyes back open in confusion, he looked stupid doing that. didn't he. "what?" he asked, watching as you swarmed yourself with giggles. his cluelessness only adding to the comedic value. taking a deep breath to settle your laughter, sighing with a soft grin.

"you don't need to close your eyes for this- it's your cheeks, silly." you explain as you point at your own cheeks for demonstration, maybe then he'd get it. though it was kind of hard to tell with him. he slowly nodded, still not exactly getting what the point was. he just couldn't fathom looking like an idiot, especially not in front of dear you. "yeah, knew that. just- gotta be prepared with your type of antics." he tries to back himself up, rolling his eyes with a gentle grin. you just shake your head and lean down to sway the brush along his cheeks, being pleasantly surprised on how nice the shade went with his cheeks. the notion being oddly soothing to him, he liked how soft the brush felt on his skin. no wonder you liked to do this to yourself so often. his eyes trailed from your eyes to how your lips were perfectly curled into the sweetest smile, "does pink even suit me?" he muttered, soft enough to surprise you. he was a softie, but something about this felt so much more delicate with his tone. you could definitely get used to it.

you slowly stop the brush from moving along his cheek, softly titling your head as you watched his eyes slowly flutter. "yeah. pink suits you." you reply back, almost trying to mimic his gentle voice. you almost couldn't tell if the rather intense pink on his cheeks was from the blush pan, or from his own rosiness. either way, it was cute. "i'll take you prettying me up every day if it means i get to see you smile like that." he muttered, moving his hand from his head rest to move it to your cheek to gently caress you. the warmth of his thumb roaming, sending you into a serene state. "you do look awfully pretty right now." you snicker out, leaning your head's weight into his palm as he continued. "i got a good makeup artist, real top notch." he replied, snickering along with you. the soft rain in the background perfectly balancing with the softness of the moment in its entirety. "she's gorgeous so- don't tell my girlfriend." he adds on, chuckling out as he dropped his hand to your shoulder with a sigh.

you roll your eyes with a smile, leaning down to kiss him gently. looking down into his eyes as you noticed the soft shine on his lips that appeared, the little fact making you crack another chuckle. "i think i just solidified your makeup look." you smile, wiping your finger on the edges of his lips as the stain would not budge off his skin. he just shook his head and brought his hand back up to your face to gently hold, "what a pro, seriously." he sarcastically coughed out with a smile. watching your eyes for a moment, entranced with how the lighting was falling perfectly on the edges of your face. "c'mere." he muttered, trailing his hand to the nape of your neck before kissing you again. his other hand moving from his head to gently hold the rest of your head as he dove his lips into yours, he couldn't imagine a better rainy day.

author's note : AAA sorry this is so short, but. i think it's adorable, at least in my eyes. i hope you love it !! i really loved the fluff, which is odd considering i'm such an angst ball. i hope to get the ball rolling for the rest of writing amidst all my working days, til then. LAUVE YOU !!!

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hi guys !! sorry for the inactivity, i've been pushing a lot of overtime at my job as of late. so no, i am not disappearing ... rather my job just likes to Annoy Me. i hope to work on some writing today, because it really is my favorite hobby ! so i hope you guys get to see at least one post today, thank you for your patience ! ♡

[jesterscourt-e]

Do you have to let it linger? part 3

A/N: LFG ok this chapter is shorter because next chapter ya’ll… home stretch also I’m changing my formatting some I’m sorry I’m new to this yall.

CW: yearning, angst, arguing

Yesterday 2:00 am

Schlaggot made it home

3 missed calls

Schlaggot answer me bitch

5 missed calls

——-

A week later

You startle out of your dream from your phone hitting the floor and buzzing. You stir and try to slow your heart, blinding yourself with the phone screen.

Incoming call… Theodore

Accept Decline

————

“What?” You groan.

“You gotta tell me what happened,” a serious voice responds.

“What time is it?”

“4 am,” Ted responds plainly.

“Can it wait like 4 more hours?” You say putting it on speaker and laying the phone next to your pillow.

“No. Not a chance. I just got off the phone with a one Jonathan Schlatt, and I need to know now.”

“Ask him dude.”

“No man, I want to ask YOU.”

“Why though? you were just talking to him?”

“He was in a mood. I don’t like to pry when he gets like that, it just drives him away more.”

You could understand that. You knew what kind of mood he was referring to. When schlatt gets burnt out or depressed it’s totally shut off mode. When he’s done with something he’s DONE. He’s pretty candid with his surface feelings but there were deeper thoughts you knew he didn’t share with anyone.

“I don’t know what you want me to do.”

“Look y/n I know it’s not my business- no fuck that! These are my best friends, this is my business. Why haven’t you been answering calls or texts? total silence from you. Not just to schlatt but all of us,” as he points out the obvious, your tears break free towards your pillow. “What. Happened.” Ted demands now very sternly.

You explain to Ted how you and schlatt got hot and heavy too fast and you stopped him. How caring schlatt was, how understanding and supportive. How you’ve been trying to push your feelings for him away but you liked him more than he pretended to like you online to the audience. You realized you weren’t joking anymore and when schlatt said he wanted to remain friends you needed to put some distance. That meant total radio silence for a while to get over your feelings.

“I really do like him. And he just doesn’t feel the same. And I was stupid for thinking the joke could be real. I thought I was invincible to it and like I couldn’t fall for someone again but no. Here I am. I have feelings for a guy with fucking mutton chops,” you borderline yell at the end. You sigh after a couple beats of silence, “I’m glad we didn’t go further though cuz then I’d really feel like a fucking fool.” You weren’t crying anymore, just mad.

“Well, maybe you can explain this to Schlatt, so he doesn’t think you’re mad at him,” Ted says after a while.

“I am mad at him!” You pause hearing Ted’s confusion, “He just doesn’t know why… and I’m not really mad at him. Just upset? Ugh dude I don’t fucking know.” You shove your face in your pillow and scream.

“Well feel the feelings you need to, but I think if you care about schlatt you’ll tell him you just need space or like your goldfish died or something I don’t know, man. Just communicate.”

“Ok…” you say, sighing.

“I love you buddy. It’s gonna be alright.”

“Yeah I know, just sucks.”

“For what it’s worth, I do think Schlatt cares about you. I don’t know why he decided to friendzone you-“

“Ew don’t say that word.”

“Whatever. Come over this weekend let’s go do some shit and get you out of this funk,” He says wrapping up the call. Agreeing with Ted you hang up and pass out again.

——

You get up later in the morning and decide to stream today. You hadn’t streamed since the schlatt stream because you didn’t want to endure the bombardment of chat. It figures that you did an in person stream with Schlatt right before you guys established your relationship as friends so now the whole community thinks you guys are a thing. Of fucking course.

The week had been full of working out and going into the dance studio to work on dancing videos. you distracted yourself with coming up with new video ideas and choreo to do. You focused on the work that didn’t involve schlatt at all to help your creative flow.

You set up your piano, your computer, microphone, etc. putting your lights on and getting into the headspace. You hadn’t decided if you were going to do an album breakdown, just play some covers, or watch videos. You knew at the very least you could give them an update of upcoming projects.

As you set up the tweet, the “stream starting” screen, and messaged a couple mods, you grabbed your guitar and held it idly. You could feel the hesitation in your body. You felt heavy now trying to work up the courage and energy to turn the camera on. You hadn’t been particularly depressed about the whole situation, just numb. Seeing the chats roll through however started to form a brick in your throat. You finally sighed and pulled the trigger.

“Chat,” you started immediately, “no schlatt today. Let’s get that out of the way,” you gesture around the room. “So, I’ve been busy this week in the studio, I haven’t had a second to breathe.” (Lie) “and I want to give you guys 10 minutes to ask schlatt questions then we’re gonna move on,” you continue.

You start reading chat as you speak, “and after the ten minutes is up if you mention Schlatt you’re gonna be in a timeout the rest of the stream.”

what?????

Omfg you and schlatt are so cute

Hey y/n! where’s Schlatt?

Do you live with him now?

Are you guys dating?

Omg did something happen?

Why no schlatt

“Ok, Schlatt went home that same day we streamed, so no we don’t live together and no we aren’t dating. I don’t know what to tell you guys other than that Schlatt and I really are just friends,” you finish as the chats keep coming.

You feel your phone vibrate next to you and subtly look to see who it is.

Of course. Schlatt. calling again.

You put your phone on DND and keep reading the chats. As you read you get a couple TTS.

“Hey y/n, you and schlatt have great chemistry, do you have a crush on him? All the love!”

“Hey thanks oopygoopy, no I don’t have a crush on Schlatt.”

The next TTS

“Answer your phone bitch.”

Schlatt again. This time he donated to the stream.

You ignore him and message a mod to tell them to put him in time out for the rest of the stream while chat freaks out.

“Alright chat we’re gonna get started. I want to do an album review today…” you ignore chat and start up a new album to listen to with chat and discuss the themes and harmonies. You really just needed a couple more hours to figure out what to say to schlatt.

——

After 3 hours, an album review, and some keyboard breakdowns of the harmonies, you decide to wrap up the stream, “guys, I’m done. I’ll be on tomorrow with some covers and requests! Thank you for all the love, bye!”

You make sure the stream is shut down and pick up your phone.

4 missed calls

You click it to call schlatt back.

Ring

Ring

Ring

Connecting….

Schlatt’s ceiling pops up on screen.

“Hey.” You say after a couple moments of silence.

“Really?” You hear from off screen. “A week of nothing and you say hey?” You can hear him chewing on something.

“I’m sorry.”

Awkward silence, followed by rustling and chewing.

“JAMBO STOP,” more rustling. “JAMBOOOO”

The camera shifts, you can’t help but laugh. You stop yourself by leaning your mouth in your hand.

“So what’d I do?” He asks casually, his eyebrows come into frame.

“Nothing. It’s not you,” you start before he interrupts.

“No don’t fucking start with me. What did I do? You’re ignoring me.”

“To be fair I’ve been ignoring everyone.”

“Yeah but you’ve been ignoring me.”

“You’re not special,” you say, rolling your eyes.

“Yes I am. Don’t fuck with me y/n.” He was joking around a little but you could tell he was genuinely hurt and pissed.

“I just needed some space. I think I've been a little burnt out is all.”

Silence. You shift uncomfortably as he continues to chew on the invisible food.

“Is it because I kissed you?” Schlatt says bluntly.

“No, just forget it dude.” you sigh and shake your head. It was hard to come up with an excuse other than just telling him about your feelings.

“Well everything was fine until after the wedding so-“

“Dude fucking drop it ok? I just need some space.”

“I’m sorry that I did that,” he says.

Silence this time with no chewing.

“It’s not about the kiss, schlatt.” You sighed, “I’m not sorry it happened. I wanted it to happen.” Your stomach churned and you felt your heart pumping in your ears.

“It was pretty hot,” schlatt finally scoffs.

“That’s not what I mean!”

“Spit it out then, toots.”

“I liked it, I've wanted you to kiss me for years. Because I have a big fat crush on you,” you spit out.

Silence, schlatt’s face mostly on screen at this point. He had a look of disbelief spread across it, his eyes darting all over the screen.

“You’re fucking with me?” He responds.

All you can do is shake your head.

“I didn’t want to say anything because I don’t want this to ruin our friendship because I know you don’t feel the same. And I really care about our friendship more than my stupid crush on you. And I can’t keep enduring your fake flirting it fucking sucks,” your word vomit spilling out now. “And I thought if I put distance between us I could get over it and then we could just go back to being friends again.”

“You decided to ignore me? That’s not distance. You don’t fucking know how I feel, why would you assume-“ he stops himself and throws his phone down, his face disappears from the screen and you two sit in silence for a long time. “God you can be so stupid.” He says exasperated.

“Fucking whatever dude. I just figured I’d tell you the truth so you’d leave me the fuck alone. I gotta go.” You suddenly hang up before he can respond. You throw your phone down in anger. You were done being tortured in this way. It hurt. You didn’t know if it was the right choice to just tell him but it was out there now. You didn’t know how you wanted him to respond, but it wasn’t like that. He didn’t have to be such an asshole.

—-

He doesn’t text, he doesn’t call. You text Ted and tell him what happened and when he tries to call you don’t answer. It’s hard enough not to cry as it is, if you talk to Ted right now there’s no way you won’t.

You sit down with your guitar and start to idly play without thinking, you play linger by the cranberries. As you play your chest gets tight and your tears break free.

Oh, I thought the world of you

I thought nothing could go wrong

But I was wrong, I was wrong

If you, if you could get by

Trying not to lie

Things wouldn't be so confused

And I wouldn't feel so used

But you always really knew

I just want to be with you

You feel it all finally. You worked so hard to resist feeling feelings for someone for so long. Scared of what happened before. Having feelings for someone makes you weak and easier to break. You used music to express your feelings and tried to seal them off the rest of the time. This time they seeped out after the end of the song as you cried openly.

—-

For the past two weeks you streamed yourself doing covers, learning songs, or in the dance studio coming up with choreo. The feelings coming out in the art. You played covers of songs you and schlatt listened to on streams trying not to tear up. You let yourself feel a little more openly in front of the audience. They may have been catching on, but if they were you were good at ignoring them. In between streams you worked on recording videos, wrote lyrics and worked on some songs you had been working on for a while. It was a creatively productive time.

You had put schlatt’s messages and calls on silence, but it didn’t matter because he didn’t try to message you. You tried not to notice. Of course you noticed. You hoped maybe he would call and try to say sorry or fix what he had done but he hadn’t. It made you mad to be honest. You tried not to stalk his profiles to see what he was doing but he was silent for the most part on that end too.

Ted on the other hand was messaging constantly. Well as much as he could, he was working on a video and was distracted. Every night he would call though and chat even if he was just on call while editing. He was trying to be supportive. You appreciated how much Ted cared but didn’t overstep. When you initially told Ted what happened after the call he was confused. He didn’t understand why Schlatt reacted the way he did. You didn’t either to be fair. You did feel bad for ignoring him instead of communicating, but because of the way he reacted you felt justified in a way.

As Friday rolled around, and your stream was done for the day, you drove home from the dance studio to shower. You were feeling in high spirits for a change and stopped for food on your way home. When you got home you decided you were going to relax, watch tv, and just do some self care. You hadn’t been taking very good care of yourself and felt like doing your brows and a face mask might help. Maybe even do your nails. The night was young. You even decided to drink a little. As you bundled up under your blankets on the couch watching some comedy you heard a knock on your door.

You got off your couch and set down your drink. Before you walked to the door you inspected yourself. You had sweatpants and a tank top on, hair up and glasses on. You grab a zip up hoodie near the door and throw it on. Nothing fancy, but you figured you should cover up a little more.

As you made your way to the door you put your ear up to see if you could hear who it was, silence on the other end refused to betray the visitor so you slowly opened the door.

Schlatt standing in the hall looked at you sheepishly as you peered out. You suddenly swung the door open all the way to stare at the tall man in shock. He was wearing a crewneck, dark pants, and the classic cap. He had a duffel over his arm and headphones around his neck. Despite his towering height he was cowering.

“Hey.”

“Hey?” You questioned. “What are you doing here?” You asked plainly. Your heart speeding up nevertheless, you could feel the words getting caught in your throat as you spoke.

“Came to see you. Can I come in?”

[burdenandacrop]

oh eat me alive. i'm done.

[burdenandacrop]

started off as a silly doodle, cue two hours later. i lowkey want to expand but it i Dunno.

[burdenandacrop]

thought about the duo too hard and doodled them