A Burn A Day

Chicago Gaymer going on an experiment in narcissism. 

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Things I've learned about Harry Potter now that I've  played the new Android game (and avoided the books and movies)

There are few dilemmas in the wizarding world that cannot be solved with judicious application of bubbles

Good wizards wear elegant, loose fitting shawls from Oprah's list of favorite things, and bad wizards are all hot daddy sluts in leather

Fire breathing chickens are a menace and a scourge

Security ogres are versatile employees that can be dressed however you please or in whatever arouses you most

Being "Flipendo"d is so deeply embarassing that it'd make the baddest hot leather wizard slut scurry away with his wand between his legs

Most magical problems can also be solved easily with a gun. Fire breathing chicken? Bam, dinner's up. Young teenager strapped to a metal ball and chain and won't explain why? Guns are just loud lockpicks. Pixies won't stop darting in and out of a wardrobe? Not tonight, bitch.  

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Somehow a sock got into a glass of water on my coffee table and I'm worried about what it says about my lifestyle

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Where was it that your ass was seen? 👀

This Tumblr? I just checked and at last one ass pic survived the purge. Fairly sure more than one. YOU CAN’T STOP THIS BOOTY, VERIZON 

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Its wild knowing i've seen your ass ngl.

You and basically everyone who's been behind me when I sit down at a bar. I always have trouble finding pants that fit, so my coinslot is frequently exposed.

Also, that time I wore a thong to the beach. No regrets. Well, one regret. I think I could have gotten a better thong than a $7 Amazon Prime rubber band.

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ON FRIDAY WATCH WARREN TAKE ON ALL COMERS IN THE LADDER MATCH TO END ALL LADDER MATCHES WHERE THE WINNER WILL BE TAXED BASED ON THEIR ASSETS

THEN DONT MISS OUT ON SATURDAY WHEN WE ANSWER THE ETERNAL QUESTION OF WHO WALKS OUT OF THE CAGE OF RAGE ALIVE: A GAY SOLDIER, A CREEPY STRAIGHT GUY OR YOUR LOVABLE JEWISH GOD GRANDPA

TUNE IN FOR THE HIGH STAKES DEBATE FOR THE STATES 2019! IF YOU'RE NOT IN THE AUDIENCE, YOU'RE PROBABLY ALREADY ON STAGE

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Do you have an Instagram you want people to follow you on?

Not really, I stopped meaningfully engaging with any Facebook products because they’re monsters. But I can’t stop my dog from posting, because she’s very poorly trained. https://www.instagram.com/gottabephephe/

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“HAVE YOU SEEN THIS DONG? TAWNY SKIN, SHORT/SHAVED HAIR DISTINCTIVE CURVE. PLEASE CALL FOR REWARD. THE REWARD IS LOADS” 

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Hey there, I’m the guy that missed your nudes on December 16th, 2018. Refer to the last “ask” before you took your hiatus. 😂😂😂 #thirsty

Hello! I still have nowhere to put those nudes. They've slipped away, like sand through an hourglass.

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Are you active on any tumblr alternates yet?

I’m not! I dunno. Maybe I’ll just resume posting here. 

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Darn, did I miss the dick pics?

You did! and now I don’t know where to put my dick. 

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I know I'm not supposed to post porn, but here's a video of my new computer.

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The president's favorite pastor said she donated her own salary too.

Are Prosperity Gospel preachers just Findoms for Christians?

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Pokémon Go Friend Code

I’m back on it, friend me so I can send you gifts from the frozen over Chicago beach where I walk my dog.

1800 1562 7309

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Any idea yet where you’ll go next, if you do plan to move anywhere else at all?

I really don’t know yet. I feel like that creep that graduates high school, and should be moving on to college, but keeps going back to hang around and be like. “Yup... I used to be here.” 

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The remnants of Tumblr

Porn blogs whose exclusive kink is getting dick pics past the censor flag, and @jakke I guess. 

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T'was the night before G-rated Tumblr

And all through the blogs

Not a penis was showing

Not one meaty hog

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It will be sad to see this tumblr go! You were realistically the only reason i stick around besides tumblrs dedicated to nothing but porn. Thank you for the farewell pics <3

Thank you. This is a wildly nice thing to say and makes me wish I had been more active here.