ritual de lo habitual

ghost on the highway forever and ever amen they/them not interested in your fucking discourse, just here to bitch alone into the void and look at pretty pictures

[xoxo-alliicat]

It be the palm trees for me.

Long Beach, California

[thegoldustrush-deactivated20231]

Near Dark cast photos.

[ghoulnextdoor]

[canisalbus]

Impulses

[coyotewhoures]

10.29.2021

i totally forgot i had this blog since moving to the new one. in a nutshell, i am absolutely grieving every possible thing in life while holding space for being grateful for what i do have (apartment, employment even if it’s sketchy as fuck). i feel liberated from some things and burdened by a lot. mostly expectations, of myself, of others, that i cannot shake. expectations that are ‘healthy’ and ‘normal’ apparently, that only get me into trouble. i dont know the last time i was on here or if g*** had died yet. i dont think id been on here since our trip to missouri. life is too complicated. i wish i could turn back time sometimes to the years i thought i hated the most. but, i could feel that way about the now later on. 

[christthelight-deactivated20120]

[iamdangerace]

Kid Congo Powers - The Gun Club, The Cramps, Nick Cave And The Bad Seed, Kid Congo And The Pink Monkey Birds.

[coyotewhoures]

tfw you remember your tagline ‘ritual de lo hab*tual” is still on there so i guess the jane’s really never left me HUH

[coyotewhoures]

i literally came back here to make a post about how much i love kid congo’s music and then saw that somehow i had also had a psychic inkling about jane’s addiction gif’s being reposted and that is such a funny thing to happen in the shadow of mercury rx also because im tired of unfollowing annoying bastards on my magick blog and needed to come back to punk blog for a minute now that ive unfollowed everyone and am done being triggered by envy and sorrow

[coyotewhoures]

i had a dream i was friends with kid congo days ago, i had the dream after i left out a drip coffee for jeffrey, and then i saw that kid congo dropped a  video the day i dreamed of him inspired by him having a dream that he was visited by jeffrey

[coyotewhoures]

[coyotewhoures]

creepy how i abandoned this blog, and then i came back to look for something, lo and behold i had recent (last week) notes resurfacing this old AF “gift” gifs i made, and for some reason, bernie memes made their way into me making my way to a jane’s addiction discussion which is... unlike me as im not really into janes much these days. i remember saying to my partner “haha funny that i used to make Gift gifs” only to see them resurfacing

[shihlun]

Tateishi Tetsuomi - Spring, 1973.

立石鐵臣「春」1973年

[exeggcute]

“watching porn rewires your brain (and is therefore bad)” is such a dumb take considering like, what DOESN’T rewire your brain?? what patterns of behavior don’t have long-term effects on your consciousness and functioning? guess I’m fucking myself over here by rewiring my brain to associate “peanut butter sandwiches” with “lunch” for the rest of my life

[exeggcute]

(learns a new language) ahhhh nooooo don’t rewire my brain this sucks

[coyotewhoures]

someday the years of this..the years of the first half of my 20s will be a dream long behind me. so many of my bad habits of self sabotaging tendencies behind me. death and isolation teaches you so much about priority. and well, the gods and their lessons just as much about all the protestant puritanical bullshit we ALL* carry as modern americans (there is christiniaty in infinite veins of culture and lens here, with some exceptions of course), not as many people are exempt as youd think.

i am finally looking forward to putting myself first truly and with love. no more crying abt some guy for years bc ptsd or gaslighting myself bc other people have problems that hav nothing to do w me and are fuckin projections (and likewise tbh).

i will never forget how cleansing and bare and terrifying and healing the pandemic and death has been for me. to go thru it LARGELY and mostly alone except for my partner and the few phone calls over the months - i have what it takes, i am enough, i deserve the best, and so does anyone reading this. life is short. i could die 90 lbs and fucking decrepit and shitting myself too. we all could. probably will.

im tired of playing defeatist games.

there is only the here and now

and determination for a better future

after a life time of neglect and absolute fucking darkness.

i have always found time for laughter and dreams

even in the diffused light of floating in nothingness

or on the brink of suicide

and it wasnt long ago in the last month that I began seeking help, when no one was around to see, because I was afraid Id make plans. But I knew i wouldnt. because i dont want death. i didnt live thru all this to die by my own hand so fucking foolishly. i choose life.

[coyotewhoures]

ultimately left this tumblr and hopped onto a magick related one bc ive had this one for ten years or some shit if not LONGER and kinda ready to put a moratorium on it. no more posts. lock it up, but leave it as a weird monument of the past. might change my phone number (nah not rly, now that moms gone no one to be afraid of calling and yelling). maybe ill even start a new ig when i move to la. just start it all the fuck over. or not. who cares. this shit is such a weird spook. tumblr makes me feel bad. it reminds me of all the people who have come and gone. people who may or may not see, who will never say. what a weird place, humans in 2020 have a very weird predicament of the internet social sphere.

[moradadabeleza]

Brett Walker

[coyotewhoures]

theres so much beautiful shit i wish i could share w folks like the insane american gods esque fucking trip to astoria we took, or the beauty of Heathenism, or my new coat, or what everyones post covid plans are cos being defeated and nihilistic abt it while understandable is fucking stupid imo, or what kinda alternatives we are doing to dining in except syke none of us have been dining in bc we arent fucking dbags or