As promised, @yehsahihai and I are back, with the entire fic now. It is kind of long, so have fun?
Arulmozhi Varman was in a quandry.
He had been trying to get some time alone with Vanathi, and she had somehow, successfully avoided him at every single turn. Even his patience could end, it seemed like, for each time she avoided him, he felt another chip off the block he called his patience. Why was she avoiding him? He had not even teased her in a while…
But… why would that make her avoid him? What had he done?
He knew the feelings he bore for her all too well. He also knew that he had been in denial far too long for her to not have noticed something amiss. What he did not expect was how far Vanathi was willing to go in her love for him.
It was mid-afternoon as Arulmozhi paced his akka’s rooms, with Samudra Kumari and akka watching him with a growing mixture of concern and amusement.
I mean, I just don’t understand. Why is she doing this? What is she trying to do?”
“Thambi even I don’t know and I almost always know what is in her heart.”
“Illavarase, maybe the Kodumbalur Illavarasi has been in the sun too much. That is why she is acting like this.”
“Samudra Kumari, this is no time for humor” came his akka’s sharp rebuke, making Poonguzhali raise her hands in surrender.
“Akka?” came the sweet voice of the maddening princess who had robbed him of all his sleep.
“Nothing akka. I couldn’t find you anywhere so I was wondering where you were.”
Kundavai suddenly had an idea, as she addressed Vanathi, asking her, “Kanne, just one question. If the one you love is in love with another, what would you do?”
Vanathi froze for a second before looking towards Arulmozhi who had not let his eyes wander away from her since she stepped in.
“Why akka, then I would do my best to ensure he won over the one he loves”
Arulmozhi physically felt the need to sit down, as she turned to leave, worrying that he would faint after hearing that. Really he had to stop picking up his kanmani’s habits. Holding his head in his hands, he bemoaned, “Akka, why is my wife like this?”
“You’re not married to her yet thambi!”
“AKKA IN MY HEAD I AM ALREADY MARRIED TO HER!”
He sighed, remembering the amusement on Samudra Kumari’s face and the knowing look his elder sister had gotten. That just reminded him of another incident, engineered by his darling.
Arulmozhi was excited, having seen his Vanathi walk towards him.
“Ponniyin Selvare,” her sweet voice, which was like nectar to him, sounded in his ears, filling his being.
“Kodumbalur Kula Vilakke,” he said, trying hard not to call her, my Kodumbalur Devadhai, instead.
“Selvare, Poonkuzhali is looking for you. She is waiting by the boat at the banks of Ponni Thai,” she said softly, a tinge of sadness in her eyes, something that did not escape him. What was wrong with his Vanathi? He wanted to cup her cheeks and peer into her eyes, reading through them so that he could first understand, and then wipe away her sadness. He wanted to bring that luminosity he so loved seeing in her eyes.
“Devi, are you okay?” he asked instead. Samudra Kumari could wait, Vanathi came first. She would understand- this was how she was with Amudhan.
“I am fine, Selvare, why do you ask?”
“It doesn’t seem so to me,” his eyes roved over her face, concerned.His hands itched to tilt her chin up, to look into her eyes and understand and solve all her problems. He noted the tiredness in her eyes, and he ached at the sight of it.
“No no Selvare, I am fine. But you must go, Poonkuzhali is waiting for you,” with a departing smile, she slipped away, and he blinked.
Why was his beloved running away again?
Sighing, he made his way to the banks of Kaveri to meet Samudra Kumari.
It had turned out that his kanmani had ensured that he and Samudra Kumari could be alone?
For what reason even, he had wondered then. Of course, she was his good friend… but she would much rather listen to Sendhan sing Thevarams, and he would prefer to be around Vanathi, even with his Akka present.
“You?” they had both exclaimed upon seeing each other.
“Illavarase what are you doing here?”
“I could ask you the same, Samudra Kumari.”
“Illavarasi Vanathi.. She asked me if I would give her a ride in my boat.”
Arulmozhi frowned at that, trying to understand what his beloved had been thinking.
“But that doesn’t make sense. She told me you were waiting for me? To talk to me?”
“Talk to you? No Illavarase, I never said anything of the sort.”
Arulmozhi groaned at that, as he sat down on the river banks, head throbbing as he thought of Vanathi’s behaviour in the past few days. His illavarasi had almost continuously avoided looking at him, preferring to engage in conversation with his akka or any other lady in the palace rather than talk to him. There was a pit of anxiety in his stomach as he tried to understand what had happened to the playful, bubbling Vanathi he knew. It was slowly driving him crazy, to be able to see her but never talk to her, to exist in the same sphere as her and still feel like she was miles away from him. Even when she did speak to him it was almost completely formal and clipped, like she was trying to do her best to avoid prolonging their conversations. He had been living with an almost constant dull ache in his heart these days and it was frustrating him to no end that he couldn’t unravel this mystery.
Poonkuzhali’s voice interrupted his thoughts. He looked at her, confused as to why she looked both exasperated and endeared at once.
“Ilavarase, I think the Ilavarasi thinks you and I want to be together. It is clear she does not know of your overwhelming love for her.”
Arulmozhi let out another loud groan at that, tipping back fully to sprawl on the riverbanks, uncaring of the numerous small pebbles digging into his skin.
“Why is Vanathi like this? I’ve been trying so hard to express how I feel for her and yet she doesn’t understand. Every time she looks at me, her doe eyes are downcast and her honey like voice is subdued. What do I do to make her believe that I love her?”
“Perhaps Illavarase,” Poonguzhali began, in a matter-of-fact tone, “you could start by telling her all this instead of crying about it in front of Ponni thaaye?”
Since then, he had been trying to get her alone, but she still evaded him,and also continued her setting up attempts.
Arulmozhi was trying to get near Vanathi, wanting to stand near her for the poojai. He felt that her presence around him will keep him successful in gaining the blessings of Durgai Amma. But getting to her seemed to be getting more tiresome.
Luckily, he had spotted Samudra Kumari near her, and had sent a signal to her requesting her aid, which his doe eyed damsel had misinterpreted,and had artfully pushed Poonkuzhali next to him, instead of standing next to him herself.
How was he to confess if she would not listen?
Maybe he should shout it out in front of everyone?
Hmm maybe that’s what he would do… but what if his love got embarrassed? He could not do that to her… Ishvara, he was really sounding like Vanathi now. Love really made people stupid, he thought, unclear whether he meant himself or his beloved.
Which was exactly how he had found himself in his akka’s chambers as she had watched the whole scene at the poojai happen and immediately demanded answers.
“Thambi, what is going on?”, akka had asked, ever straight to the point. “First Vanathi loves you, then you don’t love her, then you like Samudra Kumari, then she likes Sendhan, then you love Vanathi, and now Vanathi is trying to get you and Samudra Kumari together? What are you all doing????”
Poonguzhali, who had until then been silent, said, “Ilaya Piratti, we think the Kodumbalur Illavarasi has had a misunderstanding. She believes that Ponniyin Selvan and I love each other, though I am not sure why. But since then she has been trying to get us together.”
“I am aware”, came Kundavai’s response to which his head shot up.
“Because thambi, she approached me before the poojai, asking to speak with me alone. And then she went exonerating about how good of a woman Samudra Kumari was, and how she would make a worthy queen for you and how I should accept her and give you two my blessings. I have to admit, she almost convinced me.”
“Thambi, calm down. I was not convinced fully, because her love for you was visible, and so is yours for her.”
“Akka,” he said, burying his face in his hands. “What do I do?”
“Well, you have to tell her, thambi.”
“How do I do that when your best friend keeps avoiding me?”
Poonkuzhali sighed, standing up.
“Somehow that just made it worse”, he muttered under his breath as he watched her leave.
Poonkhuzhali really didn’t understand these royals at times. When it was so clear to everyone with eyes that the prince had eyes only for the kodumbalur Illavarasi, why was she the only one who couldn’t see it? She knew that her brief infatuation with him had been clear to many, but that was all it was; an infatuation that had worn off when she realsied her love for Sendhan. But this princess, had been steadfast in trying to push her and the prince together. How can one love so selflessly, she wondered. The princess was willing to sacrifice her love for Ponniyin Selvan because she thought it would make him happy. Those two were really made for each other, she thought.
She walked down the palace halls, trying to find the princes until she finally spotted her in the garden, sitting on a bench as she stared off into the distance. Taking a deep breath, khuzhali approached her.
“Illavarasi”, she said bowing to her, as the princess seemed to snap out of her reverie.
“Samudra Kumari! What brings you here?”
“Devi, I came to find you specifically,” said Poonkuzhali. “I wanted to ask for your thoughts, as Ilaya Piratti told me that you are fantastic at organizing any event.”
“It’s all Akka’s teaching, Kumari,” Vanathi smiled. “What can I help you with?”
Truly, thought Poonkhuzhali, she was the most gracious person she had ever met, apart from Ponniyin selvan. It just strengthened her resolve to bring them together.
“My engagement ceremony, Ilavarasi,” Poonkuzhali said, feeling bad when Vanathi’s face shrunk and eyebrows frowned.
“Of course, how can I help?”
Poonkuzhali gave Vanathi details, requesting her help for organizing it, and the Princess did not disappoint. She helped Poonkuzhali organize it in a matter of half an hour.
“Is there anything else I can help with, Kumari?” Vanathi asked softly.
“No, thank you Devi. Sendhan and I are very grateful to you.”
“Sendhan? You are getting engaged to Sendhan!?”
Poonkhuzhali bit her lips to keep from smiling as she said “Of course devi. Did Illavarase not tell you? I am going to marry Sendhan”
Vanathi felt as though the ground had been pulled out from under her feet, as she stared at Samudra Kumari trying to comprehend her words. She was going to marry Sendhan, which mean she was not in love with Ponniyin Selvan. Oh Ishvara, what had she done?
She had evoked the anger of her Prince by doing such, by setting him up with a woman whose heart was another’s? How will she face him? Maybe she should just avoid him?
Yes, that’s what she will do. She will avoid him.
Standing up abruptly she said, “I-I should go meet akka, samudra kumari. Excuse me” Saying so she ran off, determined to avoid the prince at all costs.
How had Samudra Kumari’s confession not helped?
Vanathi was still avoiding him, extremely skillfully, which did impress him, as much as it exasperated him. He had tried to catch hold of her many times over the past few days but each time she had managed to excuse herself, slipping away to either be by his akka’s side or by his patti’s side or his amma’s side. It had gotten to the point where he was seriously considering if he could somehow climb into Vanathi’s chambers during the night to talk to her. He dismissed the possibility almost immediately knowing that if someone found out both of them would be in deep trouble with his family member, him more than her.
Should he try and kidnap her instead? Hmm.. what if he kidnapped her after informing his Akka that he was kidnapping her? No that was ridiculous. Plus his akka would never let him hear the end of it. Maybe he could ask Vanthiyathevan………… No, no even worse. The Vanar Kula warrior would immediately go to tell his akka and then he would have to deal with being ribbed by both of them. Terrible idea. He could ask Samudra Kumari to talk to her, but given their last interaction with each other, he had a feeling Vanathi would just flee upon seeing her.
He sat down as he massaged his temples trying to think, as he looked out into the palace courtyard….
Right at Vanathi who sat with his Akka, chattering away like she had not nearly driven him to insanity with her actions.
He watched her for a second, blinked, and made a decision. Like the tiger he was, he rushed towards them, smirking mildly when he saw Vanathi’s eyes widen.
“Thambi?” Kundavai had a knowing smirk on her face, and had mildly angled herself to ensure Vanathi couldn’t get away that easily.
“I am sorry to do this to you, but I have to talk to my wife!” he scooped her into his arms, bridal style, and raced across the courtyard, as fast as lightning.
Vanathi shrieked as she was lifted by him, feeling mortified as he carried her through the palace, burying her head in his chest, praying that no one saw them.
Arulmozhi didn’t stop until they had reached his chambers, uncaring that anyone could have seen them being so brazen. It would only speed up their marriage after all. He set her down gently, before turning to lock the door and stared at her, his illavarasi who now seemed to praying to the earth to swallow her up. Biting away a grin he asked, “So, Kodumbalur Illavarasi, can we finally talk?”
“Talk? About what, Ponniyin Selvan?”
“You know what about, Devi,” he said softly, taking a step closer.
“No, no, I do not,” she gulped, still staring at the Earth, making him smile softly as he took another step forward.
“Yes you do. Why have you been avoiding me?” he had crossed a personal boundary, but considering how she had been clutching him when he had held her, he knew she would tell him to move if she wanted that.
“I… I just wanted to give you space with your loved one, or so I thought…”
“Then you should have been around me!”
Vanathi’s eyes snapped up at those words as she tried to search his face for any traces of a joke, or him being another one of her daydreams. But he was right there, evidenced by the fact that he had just carried her throught the palace.
“Illavarase, this is all highly inappropriate, we shouldn’t be………..” She found herself robbed of all speech as he took another step closer to her. Oh lord, any closer and she was sure he would almost hear the tandavam her heart was doing in her chest.
She backed away slowly from him, hand reaching blindly for the door behind her hoping to find it’s bolt, but the prince was faster, moving closer to her so she had no option but to startle away from the door.
“You cannot possibly hope to avoid me forever Vanthi”, he chided her though his voice held no sternness.
“Illavarase, one only avoids those whom they feel scared of”, came her reply, eliciting a small smile from him.
“And is that why you have been avoiding me?” came the question, much softer than before.
Oh god, they were now circling around a table, each waiting for the other’s next move. Vanathi had heard tales of how the eyes of tigers were often hypnotic, but now standing in front of her illavarase she believed them, for there was no other reason that the world fell away as she looked at him.
Swallowing with difficulty, she replied, “Ayya how can I be scared of you? I was just….”
“Just?” Was he teasing her? Vanathi was suddenly beginning to doubt if all her assumptions about him having no affection for her were false.
“I had other things to be doing, and I am sure even you did. I did not want to bother you.”
Arulmozhi stilled at that, before throwing back his head to laugh, loudly until he almost felt tears of mirth gathering in his eyes. He was sure, that his beloved probably thought him mad at that moment but he couldn’t bring himself to stop.
“Ponniyin Selvare, are you all right?”
Shoulders still shaking, he gasped out, “Vanathi, anbe, has anyone told you that you are a terrible liar?”
Vanathi felt the world cease all movement for a moment as she heard the term “anbe” slip out of his mouth, so effortlessly, so casually, as if it was not the first time he had ever called her that, as if he had been wanting to say it to her for a while.
“A-anbe?” She stuttered out, cursing the blush that had formed on her cheeks, not realizing how delighted he was to see it.
“Anbe, Kaadhale, Kanmani, Arasi, Iniyavale, every single term of love is for you, Vanathi,” his voice had turned intimate, his eyes resting on hers, not moving away from her gaze, allowing her to capture his emotions in full force.
Vanathi suddenly felt faint, as it hit her that she had been wrong, so very wrong. She had been blind to every gaze he had directed at her, every word he had said she had been deaf to, even now she had been the one avoiding him while had been searching for her. She sat down heavily on a chair as she felt herself beginning to lose consciousness, only to be jolted out of it as she felt two very strong, callused hands on her shoulders.
“Vanathi? Vanathi? Look at me, look at me. Are you ok?”
She nodded weakly as she focused on his face, now scrunched into an expression of worry, as he looked her up and down to assess her.
Arulmozhi felt an almost blind panic hit him as he saw Vanathi collapsing onto the chair in front of her, and he reached forward instinctively to hold her.
“Vanathi?”, he tried as she seemed not to hear him, causing him to place his hands on her shoulders to ground her. It seemed to work as she focused on him, causing a flood of relief through his system. Making sure she was fine, he turned to fetch her a glass of water, handing it to her, as he noted how much her hands seemed to be shaking.
“Wait, let me”, he said as he slowly brought the glass to her lips, watching as some of the water spilled down her chin. Making sure she was fine, he leaned down to wipe away the excess water on her face even as he felt his heart pick up pace with her gaze on him.
Vanathi for her part was doing her best not to shiver at his close proximity, unable to look away from him for even a second as he fussed over her, suffusing her being with warmth.
Seeming satisfied that there was no immediate threat of her fainting, he moved to cup her face with one hand as his thumb ran lightly over her face. Vanathi froze as she felt his touch so intimately, resisting the urge to simply melt into his arms.
“You scared me kaadhale.”
“N-Natha,” she mumbled, blinking and blushing when she says that. “I am s-sorry…”
“Don’t be, not for calling me Natha, Swamini,” he whispered. When she flashed wide eyes at him, he cupped her cheek very gently, whispering, “Yes, you are my Swamini, Devi.”
She looked at him deeply, with luminous eyes, which suddenly filled with tears.
“You were trying to talk to me.. and I just, I hurt you,” she wept, falling into his arms.
Arulmozhi immediately pulled her close to him, trying to calm her as he assured her that she had not done any harm to him.
“Shhhhhh anbe. Do not weep like this. You have never hurt me, ever. How can I be hurt by you, hmm?”
She still did not stop crying, every tear that fell feeling like a knife to his heart. Gently detangling himself from her he knelt down fully in front of her, as he took her hand in his, ignoring the slight gasp she let out.
“Ponniyin Selvare, what are you-”
“Vanathi, my uyirin uyir, my kanmani, you can never hurt me. You are not just in my heart but also my soul. I wish I could say my heart was mine but the truth is it has become yours long ago. You are in every breath I take and every one of my senses. I have been wanting to say this for far too long now, but there was always something preventing me. And today, I am kneeling before you to tell you I love you. Wholly, truly, irrevocably I love you.”
Vanathi gasped, her hands going to his neck to cup his jaw.
“Once more, please?” She pleaded.
“I love you, wholly, truly, irrevocably,” he whispered, tender smile on his face.
“Swami,” she whispered softly, leaning to tip her forehead to his. “Swami, Swami, I lost my heart to you when we first met at the banks of Ponni Thai. And I only kept losing it over and over to you, every second of every day. I have dreamt so much of you telling me you loved me, that I couldn’t even process it at first. Oh Swami, I can’t express how I love you, but I do. So so so much. To see a smile on your face, I would even sacrifice my life.”
Arulmozhi vehemently shook his head, bringing one finger over her lips. “Never, ever say that again Vanathi. My life is in you. I cannot survive without you.”
Vanathi laughed as she finally realized what had happened, pressing closer to her Swami as she just looked at him, determined to not miss even a second of possibly the happiest occurrence of her life. Separating from him, she moved to lay a soft kiss on his forehead as she murmured “I love you”, moving down to kiss his eyes as she said the same, then onto his cheeks, stopping only when she reached his lips. Drawing back slightly, she watched as his eyes opened as he looked at her, absolute love spilling out of them as he raised himself slightly to cup her face and slowly meld their lips together.
It felt as though a million butterflies had been released in Arulmozhi’s stomach as he finally kissed those lips he had dreamt of for so long, the smile that threatened to overtake his face making it difficult to keep kissing her like he wanted to. Drawing away only a few millimeteres to breathe he said, “You do know now there is no question of you ever avoiding me?”
Vanathi giggled as he said that, replying, “If avoiding you gets you to be so poetic, Swami, I will gladly do it.”
Arulmozhi too felt a laugh bubbling inside of him as he got up and lifted his arasi in his arms to spin her around even as more laughter spilled forth from her lips, stopping only to press their foreheads together and say, “You are my whole heart Vanathi.”
“And you are my everything, Arase,” she whispered, shyly kissing the corner of his lips, blushing but wanting to shower him with her love.
He kissed her lips over and over, still twirling her, both of them joyous in the colours their life and love took.
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