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@butwhatiftheyweresick
a post for pinning.
i will block you if i see you in my notes and:
you don't have your age listed, or
you're under 18, or
you put a minor's post on my dash, or
you are not a kink blog/allow minors to follow you, or
you write about those wizard books, or
you write/reblog untagged RPF, or
you reblog a post i have put completely under a read more cut
a post i have put completely under a read more cut will always look like this:
///////
snzblr can u reblog and tell me what ur 2026 fandoms have been
so i like to browse the phm tag on ao3, and when i do that i'm filtering out bloodymary, but i also like to browse the general Sickfic tag, and when i do that i only filter out a handful of fandoms that piss me off and not much else
but i'm going to need to start filtering bloodymary out of THOSE search results too, because whenever i'm scrolling and i see phm come up i get excited, and then i see iron lung tags and excitement gone only disgust and irritation
it took me until my 2nd watch of phm to register that the little sound grace makes before he flies backward out the airlock seems like maybe it's supposed to be a sneeze? and the force of the sneeze is what propels him? did not recognize that the first go-round and even now am dubious because if that is supposed to be a sneeze it's absolutely terrible. 0/10 you can do better than that
////
i don't feel very well. almost feel like i might throw up. im probably just very hungry? i ate very little yesterday, not on purpose, i just forgot until it was so late that i wanted to go to sleep instead of making anything
and of course i don't want to eat anything now either bc i feel sort of sick
like im gonna. but hgh
edit: ate one (1) pudding cup and went back to sleep. still tired but i feel better
////////
doctor confirmed im supposed to be taking only the propranolol for my symptoms and asked if it's been helping and im like well uh
it helps a lot with the tachycardia-at-rest, for sure. if i'm lying down and my heart's thumping in the 90s-100s, and i get up and take a dose, that does make that stop real quick. which on the one hand is great, because the tachycardia is the most annoying symptom to me personally
but on the other, unfortunate, because it doesn't always do so much for the dizziness, and the dizziness is the symptom that is technically more of a problem even though it bothers me less. like. the tachycardia is common and lingers and annoys me and distracts me and sometimes makes it hard to sleep, yes. and the dizziness is rarer and momentary and a little hot, yes. but the dizziness is what makes me a fall risk sometimes, yknow. so the dizziness is what i went in for to fix in the first place
and it's not really surprising that this med doesn't always help with the dizziness. because my blood pressure fluctuates in both directions and the dizziness is worst when it drops and propranolol notably lowers blood pressure. like thats its whole thing. so of course i still experience woag when i take it. of course the woag is sometimes Worse when i take it. like Duh. i expected this
and i should be upfront about this and i'm going to be but it's like. man the lack of resting tachy fucking rules though, and i like pretending im a delicate flower when i get lightheaded, so what if i just.. stuck with this.....instead of trialing other meds that could solve both problems bc thats a fucking hassle........
like. i won't. but what if i did........
ryland grace... sloooowly developing a fever over the course of a day. devolving into a shivering foggy blanketlump that gestures wordlessly that he's gonna go to bed and just nods and shrugs and stares at rocky when rocky tries to ask if he's okay and why's he going to sleep so early and is he sure he's okay?
youve heard of 'grace puke on rocky ball' now get ready for: grace sneeze on rocky ball
two days after grace discovers a deeply inconvenient allergy to xenonite powder, he wakes up to see that rocky has designed a little doodad. sculpture? robot? unclear. it just sits on the floor, doesn't do anything, and rocky won't elaborate about it
until the next time grace sneezes a little too close to rocky, and rocky pulls out a little doodad which turns out to be a remote control to summon the tiny robot and make it attach itself to the ball and squeegee it clean, windshield-wiper style
and rocky says, deadpan, grace always leak on rocky ball. rocky fix. grace squawks indignantly and rocky does his little chittering laugh, clearly very pleased with himself
he never uses it again after that, though grace does sneeze on him more than once over the course of their time on the mary. he threatens to, though, with great glee. grace is convinced he invented the thing not because he felt any real need for it but actually purely just to fuck with grace
he is correct
reading More about viruses reactivating in space like hmm yes they suspect it's partly due to 0g and partly maybe radiation... things grace wouldn't have to worry about on the hail mary (he spends such a tiny tiny tiny amount of time in 0g and vis a vis radiation well. astrophage)....
closing my eyes. these particular hypothesized contributing factors.... i do not see them..... there r others also that may apply...
just got stabbed.
dyou ever, just, let a minor discomfort go on for a lot longer than you should purely because you like feeling sorry for yourself, but in like... an abstractly fetishistic way? by which i mean it's not really actively turning you on, you're not horny, you don't really want to touch yourself about it. but also it's conceptually titillating, even if you're not actually horned up
wish more phm whump writers understood that while eva stratt is the obvious candidate for The Whumper(tm), she is not cruel for cruelty's sake, nor is she stubborn to the point of ignoring reason. you can't just emphasize 'ruthless' and ignore 'practical'
if grace is so miserably sick that he can't complete whatever task it is she wants him to complete OR if there is not any kind of urgency to the task, she's not going to force him to do it anyway. why would she. that serves no purpose whatsoever. if he physically cannot do it, he's useless to her. she'd send him away until he recovers enough to be useful again
now, if he's middling sick and he can complete the task no problems and will just be miserable the whole time, that's a different story. likewise if he is sick enough for it to negatively impact his work somewhat but there's an incredible amount of urgency and absolutely no one else who can do it
but elsewise... nah. what would be the point
headache :(
what if part of grace's sneeze sounds a little bit similar to an eridian curse word. and rocky finds this really funny because grace NEVER swears in english. so he tries to get grace to do it again. and again and again and--
it is a game to him. Rocky Make Grace Say Fuck!!
fwiw if youre ever unable to reply to one of my posts it's because i have replies restricted on purpose. it helps me keep random people from interacting with me directly before i can check their urls. obviously the site will let them follow me and like and reblog, but it won't let them direct reply unless they've followed me for a few weeks
and i sweep my activity every couple weeks and block ageless blogs and such, so...by they time the system would let them reply, they'd not be able to see my stuff anyway. plus sometimes if i know i can't be fucked to do that maintenance for a while, i'll restrict it further so only mutuals can reply. solid system, works for me
............grace ft. internalized shame about illness + tendency to try and hide it whenever he comes down with something. grace who is really, really, really good at keeping his symptoms so quiet nobody even notices he's sick
and rocky who can hear all the terrible noises his body is making. maybe a human wouldn't have noticed that fully suppressed coughing fit. but rocky did. maybe a human wouldn't notice how gooey his nose is today because he's doing a stellar job of wiping it surreptitiously and not sniffling. but rocky can hear all the wet inside. maybe a human wouldn't be able to tell grace is powerwalking away to throw up. but rocky can hear his stomach contracting
there is absolutely no hiding illness on the hail mary. rocky hears something weird, he is going to ask about it. he is going to be concerned. he is not going to take no for an answer. grace explain weird human noise now, command!!
//// childhood retrospective
long ramblepost deleted now but i...honestly didn't realize there was such a pattern of feeling stupid and ashamed and like an imposition, whenever i was sick as a kid, until i wrote it
like i opened the new post thinking "when i was sick as a kid i was taken care of, my needs were met, my mom didn't ignore me, but it was also never like in cartoons where you're absolutely doted on, she was working so she couldn't, and also i was too weird about it for that anyway"
and i started writing it like "probably something happened before i was adopted that made me like this, because i was always like this, like those issues came pre-installed", but uh
have to say i don't think my mom's knee-jerk responses helped
maybe if i hadn't always been trying to hide the fact that i was sick she wouldn't have been so stressed and exasperated about it. but unfortunately. i was always trying to hide the fact that i was sick. and she may have been wishing i would just tell her when i didn't feel well but the lesson i actually internalized was that i should just hide it better
which. oops.
