BuzzFeed Books

Having fun isn't hard when you've got a library card.

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once a true slytherin, always a true syltherin

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Jennifer Heuer/ BuzzFeed News 

Remember that men don’t behave as they do in the movies—you won’t hear a click or generally catch any caution before the man is activated. Men may be encased in cloth, plastic, or their mere tufted hide, so a metal detector won’t necessarily alert you. Be mindful of withholding speech when you are in a manned area. The frequencies of your silence may cause certain types of men to detonate. If other men are present, the detonation of one man may set off a chain reaction. Areas experiencing armed conflict are clearly high-risk, but men remain dangerous long after the cessation of hostilities. Though you can’t count on manned areas being marked, heed warning signs—often, but not always, red. And they rarely say “MEN” or “DANGER.” Where signs aren’t present, improvised warnings are often used, such as blood-crusted smiles (indicating a crossed boundary), untouched SAFE kits, torn blouses quilted into flags, hair tied to trees. Never assume a recently “cleared” area is safe. Man removal is a difficult and tricky process. It’s not unusual for men to remain in an area that has officially been cleared. One reason for this is that men buried in the ground for a long time may sink substantially. Men can’t be buried in roads paved for dialogue. Keep in mind, however, that men may be wedged in potholes, or tripwires tied to men on the periphery may be drawn across those roads. Should you suspect that you have entered a manned area—either because you see warning signs, you see a man or potential man, or because a detonation occurs—keep your wits and carefully retreat from danger by backing into your own footsteps. If you can’t see your footprints to backtrack, move forward little by little. You’ll need to probe the ground for men—probe the ground very carefully. Use your hands or feet. Use your pen or knife. Probe at an angle rather than straight down, since men are easily detonated by top-down pressure. Be wary of picking up anything. Many men are booby traps. You think you’re picking up a song, a shield, or a heart, then, lo and behold, there’s a man inside. Even god-vows and children are used as bait. Rule one of keeping your thumbs: if you didn’t drop it, don’t pick it up. If you find yourself the leader in a situation, you’ll have to coach every member of your troupe on how to exit a manned area safely. Make sure you’re all talking, that you’re on the same page, because one wrong move could get everyone killed.

Kyle Dargan is the author of four poetry collections, all published by the University of Georgia Press. His work has been recognized with the Cave Canem Prize and the Hurston/Wright Legacy Award, and has been a finalist for the Kingsley Tufts Poetry Award. He lives in Washington, D.C. where he directs creative writing at American University. More information about his projects can be found at www.american-boi.com.

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Bi-Furious: a conversation with my mom, by Hazel Newlevant

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I see you stealing my looks New York Fashion Week. 

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*looks longingly at matilda tattoos instead of just getting my own*

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don’t test me

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Taking My Father Back To Louisiana One Last Time

My father loved Louisiana's food-famous Boudin Trail, so it only felt right that my family laid him to rest there.

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LOL never fuck with Merriam-Webster.

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Short Story: "The Dancing-Master"

An excerpt from Alexandra Kleeman's new collection Intimations.

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THIS COUPLE THAT’S BEEN MARRIED FOR 57 YEARS DID A PHOTOSHOOT INSPIRED BY THE NOTEBOOK AND I’M SO OVERWHELMED!

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We don’t deserve the women of Harry Potter.

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When life gets you down, read Roald Dahl.

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When or if or ever will he turn his head to me?

Can he be willed to, the way I can wish ill on an enemy

and watch it strike? No, see spite is so much easier than love, heavy

but I can hold it, more stone than water, more why

than how. And how could I call him and by what name

to make him stumble and slow?— or better, prefer me

to the vanishing point, horizon, color which exists

only from a great distance between my voice and the song

he pursues. Oh he grows old ahead of me, he grows so

the same (refrain, refrain). He does not turn his head to me, he will not turn again.

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~secrets that librarians will never tell you~

No, they don’t get sick of books. A lot of them have always been, and probably always will be, readers. They love discussing all things books both in and out of the library.

But they DO get annoyed when people say things like “All you do is read books all day, must be nice!” They’re ALSO collecting materials (books, movies, databases, etc.), providing programming for all ages and hopefully all demographics, going out into the community to show how the library can benefit them, teaching classes, etc.

It’s not uncommon to find ~surprises~ inside returned books — food, mold, and a few soaking wet books. They also see books with pages ripped out, weird stains on pages, and just completely ruined books. TAKE CARE OF YOUR SHIT.

Catching people in the act of fulfilling the ~sexy librarian fantasy~ isn’t as common as you’d think. They’ve definitely caught and broken up a few makeout sessions. It comes with the territory, especially if you have hidden corners and comfortable furniture. But nothing more extreme than that. However, they’ve heard that happens more frequently in libraries on college campuses.

They don’t really mind if books are a little overdue. However, it’s annoying when a book is WAY overdue. What’s worse is when patrons straight-up deny even checking a book out. C’mon, dude, let’s not make this awkward. Just secretly return it in the night drop and no one will say anything.

Despite what the media portrays, they are not constantly shushing people all day. They really only monitor the noise level in designated quiet areas. In those places, they do have to shush people sometimes, which isn’t fun. Libraries are incredibly multifaceted spaces that reflect their communities and no longer places where everyone is told to “Shhhh!” But they really don’t like scolding anyone, TBH.

And they don’t get annoyed when patrons are loud in the non-quiet areas. Public libraries have a lot of loud programs (ex: children’s programs are almost always loud), so it comes with the territory. Libraries are more than what people used to think of them as. There are science experiments and movies and music and lots of other awesome stuff going on in them!

They love giving recommendations, so don’t be afraid to ask. They love giving book recommendations (or what us library-types call a “reader’s advisory”). It’s honestly one of their favorite parts of the job. If you’re looking for a new book to read, ask your librarian!

A big challenge for librarians in public libraries is providing fun, resourceful things on a tight budget. Having a limited or small budget and wanting to provide ALL THE THINGS is difficult. Thankfully, librarians are resourceful and pretty badass in their desire to promote knowledge and open access to information for all.

Nothing beats finding out they’ve helped someone succeed. Once they had a regular patron pass his nursing exam that he had been coming to the library daily for months to study for. He asked them to read the computer screen that showed he passed. That was a great thing to be a part of, albeit from a distance, as just providing a safe, comfortable place and the technology and tools for him to study.

They really do love helping people. That could be helping a child find books that will encourage their love to read, showing someone how to use computers to help them gain job skills, or providing tools on helping someone go back to school or where to go for somewhere safe and warm to sleep for the night.

They also *LOVE* hosting events for the community. Seeing the community get involved and enjoy the programs is a big thing for a lot of them. Also, they usually put on programs that they’d want to attend, so it’s a double win!

They’re not terribly offended with the nerd stereotype. Mostly, librarians are rebels and justice warriors with really good searching and organizing skills.

They don’t mind trying their best to help you find a book based on only the cover, but it does help if you have more information. It’s not easy, but they try.

They appreciate when patrons do nice things for them, but the main way to keep your favorite library going is letting your local government know. They’ve received thank-you notes, flowers, etc., and they always appreciate them, but they also try to tell people to support your librarians by using your library and letting your local government know that you love the library and want to see more money go toward purchasing items and bringing in new resources.

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NAH.