Your guide to pooping in America
There are lots of euphemisms for pooping in America to use amongst polite company. Never say that you're "going to poo" or that you're about to "giga-shit [your] pants like an elephant that just drank sixty gallons of coffee." There are, instead, much better terms you can use.
When you have to take a really big shit, it's called "sending Elon to Mars."
If it's a big, painful shit with lots of farting, that's a Donald Trump.
If it's one of those wrinkly ones that sticks to your ass, why my friend, you're "smuggling Mitch McConnell across the boarder."
If your bowel movements cause your anus to prolapse, we call those painful little intestinal blisters hanging out of your rectum "little Elons" or if they smell, "musky Elons."
If your bowel movements are wet and tinged with bile, you're "ejecting Marjorie Taylor Greene from the conference."
And remember, it is impolite to use the word "toilet" at the dinner table. People will know exactly what you mean when you call it "the white house."
