I'm only scared of myself

@bw-dongxhoon

Lee Dong Hoon // 18-years-old // Pansexual // Single // Student // Outsider // Bullworth Academy

76 posts

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It's Snowing? // Jenn & Dong Hoon

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A few minutes had passed by since she knocked on the door. Jenn wondered when the other would come and open the door. It was cold. And when she said cold she meant freezing.! The female sighed a bit, feeling a bit discouraged. Turning to the side, Jenn was about to make another journey back to her dorm, but the door opened. Looking up at the other, a smile and a sigh of relief passed the females lips.

"It sure is!" Jenn replied, stepping inside. Sighing contently, the small smile still plastered on her lips, she shook her shoulders and rubbed her arms, trying to warm herself. It was pretty warm there in the male's dorm, and that made her somewhat thankful.

Tugging at her pocket, Jenn pulled out the mug of tea she had made for the other. "Here.." she held it out to him, hoping he'd take it. "Sorry if it's a bit cold, it had been in the cold for too long." the female said, rubbing the back of her neck shyly. She looked around for a microwave, and having spot one, she smiled a bit. "We can warm it up, yeah?"

Luckily Dong Hoon was just in time to open the door before she had decided to make her way back to her own dorm again. He hadn't been really quick, he had almost tripped over his blanket, and over his own feet to be quite honest. When he noticed how cold she was, the male felt kind of guilty. He knew he couldn't control the weather, but maybe he shouldn't have asked her to come around on a day like this.

''Do you ehm... would you like a blanket to warm yourself up?'', he asked as he saw her trying to warm herself up like that. Of course it was warm in the dorm, but that didn't mean that it would get rid of all the cold right away. Would it? At least, not the way Dong Hoon could remember. He had wanted to grab a blanket for her, but then she pulled out... tea? Furrowing his eyebrows in surprise, he looked up at Jennifer again. Had she brought tea for him? Smiling a little, he shook his head. ''No that... that's okay. But we can warm it up, yeah!'', and he wobbled over to the microwave. ''I ehm... sorry for making you walk here in this weather'', he whispered.

#;jennxbw #;p #;it's snowing

Random fact

Hoon loves to cook, but at the same time is scared of doing so. He's afraid the voices in his head will hurt him

#;DongHoonFacts

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It's Snowing? // Jenn & Dong Hoon

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Jenn trudged through the snow and at same time, tried to be careful. The snow continued to fall softly, but the wind blew with a bit of force, biting her cheeks, ears and nose, and making every step for her a bit harder. The other side of campus wasn't that far, at least not for her, but in the condition she was in, it felt like forever.

Halfway to the other side, Jenn's back pocket began to vibrate. A few seconds later, it vibrated again. Stopping in her tracks, she pulled out her phone just to see it was another text. It made for the girl to furrow her eyebrows. Why would he think he was keeping her from anything? In all honesty, the female had nothing to do. Chucking slightly, the girl held her numb fingers up and tapped away on her phone.

[ Text to Dong Hoon ]: No problem! And you're not keeping me from anything really. I had nothing planned lol ^^

And it was true. The dainty female planned on doing nothing. If it wasn't for the fact that the other needed her, she would've finished her tea and fell back to sleep. Jenn inhaled and exhaled, putting back on her gloves and slipping her phone back in her pocket.

When she looked up, she could spot Dong Hoon's dorm. Jenn was only a few steps away, actually. And it surprised her how quickly, even though she fought with the weather, that she made it in a short amount of time. Scurrying towards his door, she knocked on it and rubbed her arms, swaying side to side while awaiting his answer.

While Jennifer was making her way to the boy's dorm, he had pulled the bedsheets over himself almost completely again, only a few strands of hair peeping out. It was cold, or maybe he thought it was cold because in fact he was skinny. A little too skinny, to be precise, but Dong Hoon just had difficulty eating. No, not because of some kind of eating disorder, not at all. He didn't think he was fat. He knew really well that he should put on some more weight, and he thought so too, he just couldn't. Cooking was difficult, for the simple fact that knives were sharp. They were sharp, and the voices and monsters inside his head knew it. They wanted to hurt him. He couldn't trust himself with something like that. He couldn't trust himself with food. One time, he even choked on it because of a panic attack. He was scared to eat, yet he was scared that he would lose too much weight all at the same time. Dong Hoon was just scared all the time.

Not having noticed the text that the woman had send him one last time, all he was trying to do was to calm himself. They were talking to him again. Mean things, mainly. And then, there was a knock on the door. Sitting up straight in his bed right away, huge, round orbs looked towards the doorknob. Tiptoeing towards the door of his dorm, he opened it, luckily to find the other standing there. Dong Hoon could've nearly cried! He had been so afraid it would be somebody else. Something else, for that matter. ''Come in... you're probably cold'', he was then quick to say, holding the door open wide so she could enter.

#;jennxbw #;p #;it's snowing

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It's Snowing? // Jenn & Dong Hoon

jennxbw:

Standing in the snow, just a few inches away from the door, Jenn looked around, mesmerized by the scenery. Snow fell softly, lightly kissing the top of her hair. Slender fingers picked at the snow on the railing, it's particles melting away at the body heat, leaving behind a liquid substance. The winter breeze grew colder,as it was early in the morning. The female breathed as the wind smacked her in the face and anywhere bare skin was visible. Turning on her heals, she quivered a bit and scurried inside.

Jenn walked through the halls trying to get to her dorm. Numb and tired legs trudged her through floors and floors of rooms. Right when she reached her floor, she held her stomach in pain. Her stomach growled, reminding her she had not eaten anything, even though she meant to. Snapping her head up, she ran to her room, realizing she had left her water on the stove.

Busting through her dorm, her ears were ringing with the sweet sound of the kettle whistling. Quickly running to the kitchen, she turned the stove off and poured water in her favorite mug. She added her milk and sugar and walked to the couch, sitting down and cuddling into her blankets as the tv ran it's commercials. Jenn was about to fall asleep, but her phone buzzed. She blinked, curiousity flowing through her veins, she picked up her phone, unlocking it and reading the message.

It was from an unknown number, but just by reading the text, she knew who it was from. She did give Dong Hoon her number, just in case he needed anything, and she was glad he could trust her. She quickly saved his number and replied to his message.

[ Text to Dong Hoon ]: No, actually i just woke up. I couldn't sleep either :( and aww. Alright i'll be there in a few!

Pressing send, a sigh passed the females lips as she got up. Jenn threw on warmer clothes this time before she put on her jacket. She put a lid on her mug, and out of the kindness of her heart, she made the other some tea, just in case he hadn't put anything in his stomach. Making sure she had everything, she walked out the building and scurried to the other side of campus.

Dong Hoon had been having nightmares all night. For the last few days, to be precise. Sighing a little bit, the fragile boy tried to make himself feel more comfortable again. It wasn't of much use, but it still was alright trying. How could he ever fall asleep this way?

As soon as he heard his phone vibrating against his bed once more, he looked up and saw the woman texted him back. She couldn't sleep either, huh? Well, that was a coincidence. But the fact that she actually wanted to come over right away... it was nice. Hoon did not know anybody else that would've done that for him, especially not at this hour of the day. She must've been the first person besides his family.

[Text to Jennifer]: Thank you. I... I hope I'm not bothering you. I just

[Text to Jennifer]: Sorry, I... I hit send. I meant to say I don't mean to keep you from anything

Sighing once again, the boy looked up at the ceiling. He had no idea how long it would take the other to get there, but at least... at least she would be trying to help him, right? It was something he needed. Badly.

#;jennxbw #;p #;it's snowing

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It's Snowing? // Jenn & Dong Hoon

Tossing and turning in the pits of her sheets, Jenn huffed as she tried to find warmth. The season had changed, and it made it impossible to find some type of heat, even within her sheets. She groaned in agony once she realized the cold wouldn’t let her sleep. Turning once more, she decided to get up. It was no use to her if layed in bed but couldn’t use it properly.

After finishing her hygiene routine, she threw on some warm clothing, boots, jacket, and scarf included, and shuffled to the kitchen. Her stomach growled, protesting against the fact it hadn’t been fed. “I just woke up, calm down.” she mumbled, filling the kettle with water and then setting in on the stove.

To pass the time, the female looked around and thought of things she could do. Nothing. She couldn’t think of anything. She sat by the tv and sighed softly. Jenn didn’t want to watch television. She wanted to do something productive, but it was freezing outside! The girl blinked, debating internally on what.she should do, but she stopped and furrowed her brows.

Jenn turned her head to the window, brown orbs examining the.outside. Snow…. snow? She passed by this window three times already and she hadn’t noticed? And then shouts of laughter, people shrieking with joy, filled her ears. Tilting her head in curiosity, she stood up and headed for the stairs. She wanted to see this for herself.

Standing at the opening of the door, Jenn examined the area in awe. White fluffy blankets covered the campus and beyond, making it impossible to see the objects that were once in full view. She breathed, and a hot pillow of smoke calmly flew from her mouth. She gasped, amusement dancing in her eyes. She’d never seen snow before, and it amazed her how it was so cold, yet the view was just amazing.

Having tried to fall asleep for many, many hours already by now, Dong Hoon felt himself getting slightly irritated by the thought that yet again he would't be sleeping tonight. Why was this becoming a routine for him? He didn't like the fact that this stuff always happened to him. But was there really anything that he could do about it? Sighing softly, the fragile boy pulled the bedsheets over him, so far that only little strands of hair popped out. ''I'm so tired'', he whined after a little while and tried to make himself feel comfortable. But it was no use.

Sitting up in his bed, his eyes half closed because of the lack of sleep, his head turned to the sides to orientate himself a little bit. It was still strange to wake up in this dorm, outside of the place that he once knew. But really, did it matter either way? It wasn't like those monsters wouldn't come and get him where he once lived. It was all the same, just with... a lot more people to watch him go crazy.

Then, Dong Hoon thought of something. Jennifer, she had given him her number, didn't she? Quickly grabbing his phone, he scrolled through his contact list, and there she was. However, the time... it was so early in the morning, what if he would wake her up? Yet, he still started texting. He needed some company. He felt lonely, and really... the woman had been the only person to comfort him here so far.

[Text to Jennifer]: I ehm... I wondered if you were asleep, and... if you'd mind coming over. It's cold, and I can't sleep and... I'm afraid they'll haunt me

Something that he'd normally dismiss. But she knew already. She knew about his illness, about what happened to him. He had told him, and still she hadn't gotten away from him because she didn't seem to care all that much.

#;jennxbw #;p #;it's snowing

Random fact

Dong Hoon has been in love with both a woman and a man before, but had been too afraid to tell them. Therefor, he would have no clue what it would be like to be in a relationship

#;DongHoonFacts

Down with the sickness // Jenn & Dong Hoon

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Stepping out of the others dorm, Jenn softly closed the door behind her. Walking across the campus, she hugged herself as the crisp autumn breeze flowed through her. As the breeze got colder, she picked up her pace and looked for any sign of the girls' dorm.

Spotting the girls's dorm, Jenn skipped up the stairs of the building and opened the door. The warmth of the inside brung her in, causing her to sigh in relief. She scurried towards the stairs and trudged herself onwards with sleep on her mind. She couldn't wait to get in her bed. Just the thought of her melting under her toasty sheets made her shiver in delight.

Sliding past her dorm door, Jenn threw on her pajamas and plopped herself on her bed. She slid under the sheets and sighed in content, thinking back to the events earlier. Jenn made a new friend. Dong Hoon. She smiled to herself and turned on her side, wondering if he'd saw the note she'd left him. It was her number on a piece of paper that she managed to under his pillow, just in case he needed anything of course.

Cuddling further into her sheets, Jenn's eyes began to droop again. She wanted to stay awake, but realizing there was nothing to stay awake for, she let herself fall into thd deep pits of slumber.

As Jennifer closed the door behind her as she left the room, all that Dong Hoon could do was sigh. What had he done? All kind of things were going through his head right now. Things that he actually shouldn't think about. But he could not help it. Things like this just happened to him. Even though he tried so hard to stay positive, so many things had happened to him that it was just... hard.

Crawling into a little ball into his bed, the fragile boy pulled the bedsheets over his head. ''Don't be so stupid, Dong Hoon. You're making up things. You should just go and... and sleep'', he whispered to himself. With that, he closed his eyes forcefully and tried to fall asleep. Eventually, he started to slumber. That was really the best he could ever get to.

#;jennxbw #;p #;down with the sickness

Down with the sickness // Jenn & Dong Hoon

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As Jenn walked to the door, she could tell Dong Hoon was confused. She had just said a few minutes before that she couldn't leave in her state, but she had to. Turning back to meet his gaze, he wore the worried look on his face.

" I know what I said..." she responded, leaning against the wall. "But I cant stay, and you need your sleep too..." she sighed a bit, rubbing the nape of her neck. She smiled some and nodded, opening the door.

Blinking a few times more, all that the boy could do was stand there. So many things went through his mind, and he just felt so incredibly confused. When she started talking, he nodded once again. ''Y-Yeah... ehm... well'', and he looked at the ground. What more was there to say, really? It wasn't like she wasn't right about that. But why did this always happen to him?

As she opened the door, then soon stepped out of his dorm, Dong Hoon looked around. As happy as he had felt before because they had cleaned up his room, calming his mind, he felt just as chaotic in his head right now. Wobbling towards his bed, he sat down. What if it had been something he had said? Had he done something wrong?

#;jennxbw #;p #;down with the sickness

Down with the sickness // Jenn & Dong Hoon

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Softly sighing at Dong Hoon, Jenn attempted to shake herself awake. She couldn’t sleep at his place. She had just met the guy! Although she was extremely tired, she slowly got up. Jenn wobbled a bit, but she got herself together.

"In my dorm…" she answered tiredly. In all honesty, if it wasn’t for the fact that she just met the guy, she would’ve fallen asleep right there. But because of that, she stretched and yawned a little and looked over at the male. " Good night, Dong Hoon. Sleep well." Jenn flashed him a tired smile and wobbled over to the door.

Looking at the woman with a little bit of a worried gaze, there was absolutely nothing the boy could do. He was too awkward to pull her up, he was afraid he'd hurt her. Or that if he'd suddenly get some 'view', he would drop her and she'd hurt herself. Dong Hoon had never been good with situations like this, and right now he only reminded himself of that. He hated it, hated it with a passion, but there was nothing he could do about it.

''W-What... but you just said...'', he started, but didn't finish his sentence. Instead, he looked at Jennifer as she walked towards the door, obviously trying hard to stay awake. ''Just... be safe, okay? Good night'', he answered, blinking a little bit. Had he done something wrong? Her reaction... it was so different so suddenly.

#;jennxbw #;p #;down with the sickness

Down with the sickness // Jenn & Dong Hoon

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Sitting there, Jenn could feel herself getting lightheaded. Everytime she tried to stay awake, sleep was so heavy on her eyes that they began to droop. The more she tried, the more dizzy she felt. Dizzy for sleep. She swayed a bit, her eyes opening and closing as she tried to keep herself together, but that only made her wanna slip under her sheets.

Hearing what Dong Hoon said, she suddenly felt uneasy. In her state, walking out like this would be bad. If Jenn didn't get any sleep and that's what was only on her mind, she'd sleep anywhere. Literally. "Uhm, I.... dont know." she continued to rub her eyes, swaying nonchalantly. "I dont think.... thats a good idea..."

Seeing Jennifer get so tired made for Dong Hoon to raise his eyebrows in surprise. What happened to her all of a sudden? She had seemed to be just fine before, but just as she had stopped cleaning up, it looked as if all her energy was being sucked out of her. It was kind of scary to look at, and it worried him. ''A-Are you okay?'', he whispered, looking over at her and tilting his head ever so slightly.

Just as the fragile boy had wanted to ask something again, she started to speak up once more. ''W-What? But then what... what are you going to do?'', and he blinked, then looked at her wide-eyed. What was Jenn about to do, where did she want to stay?! ''I... where are you going to sleep?''

#;jennxbw #;p #;down with the sickness

Down with the sickness // Jenn & Dong Hoon

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"You're welcome." Jenn replied back, a warm smile plastered on her face. She looked at the other, a smile graced his fragile-like features. Jenn's eyes beamed, happy to see that he was finally smiling. All day he had only giving small smiles, halves or sad ones, but this.... it was a full one. And nothing made her happier than seeing a smile on peoples' faces.

Rubbing her eyes as she yawned, Jenn blinked a few times before sighing softly. It had taken a while before she had realized she was extremely tired. "Awh man..." she wrinkled her nose before stretching some.

This was the firs time in many, many years that he actually smiled. Normally, there was nothing for Dong Hoon to smile about. But this woman, Jennifer... she somehow understood his reasons behind the things he did, even though she did not live through this. It was strange, he didn't know how she could do that, but he was happy that she did. It make him feel a little bit more normal, something that he had always wanted to feel.

As he noticed how she started yawning, the boy blinked a few times and looked at her. ''M-Maybe ehm... you should go back to your dorm to sleep'', he whispered, though still smiled a little. He was thankful that she had helped him clean up the dorm that he slept and practically lived in. But it was getting late already, and she was obviously tiring.

#;jennxbw #;p #;down with the sickness

Random meeting - Donghoon and Kimberley

The smile on her lips grew wider as the male replied to her, even though the library was filled with silence, she could barely hear his greeting. Taking a glimpse at the book he was reading, it was maths. From the complexity of the problems, she could tell he was a senior, even though he didnt seem to be much older than her. After gulping down the bite, she spoke with a casual volume, “Hi there, enjoy yourself”. her gaze wandered from him to the muffin as she said that.

It was close to 2 am, even the librarian was taking a nap on his desk, which meant no one would complain about her behavior. She flashed another smile at him before taking another bite in her muffin. Flipping a few pages, her eyes scanned on the opened page, trying to understand it. Her Korean wasn’t terrible but it’s still her second foreign language only. Running her fingers through her hair after messing them up a bit out of anger, she looked over at him again to notice the muffin still untouched.

"Eat it. i didnt poison it", a soft chuckle slipped off her while her eyes was becoming thin curves.

Dong Hoon very well knew that his greeting was pretty near silent. His voice wasn't really loud, first of all. But especially when he was surprised like this, and shy... which he was with most people really. Would she mind it? He wasn't too sure. But hopefully she didn't. Though, it would not be the first time that something like that happened.

Looking back at his books, he sighed a little bit. His thoughts were nowhere near Maths right at this point, but he knew he had to get it done. He wasn't really good with classes like this, but it was alright. When she spoke again, the fragile boy looked up once more. ''N-Not really'', he answered softly, then smiled a little awkwardly. He would not really be enjoying himself making Maths, to be quite honest. Things like literature were fine, or arts. He liked arts. But Maths? No. No way in hell that he liked it!

''O-Oh... I'm sorry'', he then said as he heard her say that he could eat the muffin she had placed beside him. Picking it up carefully, he looked at it first. He didn't normally eat things like this, especially not with people around. Yet, he was hungry enough to take a tiny little bite. The taste was actually really good! It showed on his face, and in his action of taking an other bite quickly after.

#;bwxkim #;p #;random meeting #[I dun think the library is open at 2 AM actually O3O]

Random meeting - Donghoon and Kimberley

It was another cold day in Bullworth Academy and once again, Kimberley was in the library to do her homework. It was something new for her, people might be surprised to hear that, but she liked this new thing in her life. Performing in theaters and even going overseas to play roles in international musicals took all her time, she barely came to school. Her parents arranged private tutors for her, even after that accident and her giving up on ballet and dancing.

Attending a school, being surrounded by other students and sitting in class made a completely new experience for her. But doing homework wasn’t as great as she thought. Lifting her arms in the air to stretch her body, she definitely needed a break now. With a small smile tugging at her lips, her hand slid into her floral bag and took out a pink plastic lunch box with 2 blueberry muffins. The sweet taste and blueberry flavor filled her mouth and made her let out a contented, happy groan. Pressing her lips together humming to a random song, she wondered if eating was banned in the library. As long as no one catches me, it doenst matter, thought she, swinging her legs back and forth in the air, her eyes squeezed.

A strange feeling crawled up her body, a weird, creepy feeling, which made her chew slowly and turn her head to look around. As soon as her big round eyes met another widened pair of eyes looking at her, her rosy full lips curved into a big smile while her cheeks were still filled with muffin. After a few seconds, she grabbed her bag and books to slide on the the long bench to sit across him. Her hand once again dug in her back to take out the lunch box once again. Her fingers carefully carried the blueberry then placed it beside his book while a soft “Hi” was escaping her lips.

Tonight had been a horrible night. Dong Hoon had had little sleep, and those things had been waking him up constantly every fifteen or so minutes. It left him broken, tired and groggy. He couldn't concentrate on anything at all! Luckily, he had been pretty much free today, and thus he had decided to the library to study for a little while. Normally at this time of the day, pretty much no one was around. It was a reassuring thing to know, because then there would be less eyes on him if something really would happen. And most of the time they were so into their studies that they wouldn't even realize if something was going on.

Noticing somebody else - a woman - take out a blueberry muffin, the fragile boy tilted his head. Did she not know that if they would catch her eating, they would be angry at her? Nobody was allowed to eat at the library. Or anywhere else than their dorm and the cafeteria, for that matter. Only when she turned her head to look at him did Dong Hoon's eyes widen. Quickly looking away, he heard someone walking up to him.

A little while after that, he saw her sitting next to him from the corner of his eyes. As she placed some food next to his book, Dong Hoon looked up. ''I, ehm... annyeoung'', he whispered shyly. He had never seen her here before!

#;bwxkim #;p #;random meeting

Down with the sickness // Jenn & Dong Hoon

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"Being different doesn't mean your ways don't make sense. It just takes the right people to understand." Jenn shrugged and smiled softly. And it was true. Maybe the people who he had told his condition to were only curious and never really cared for him. Who knows, but she does know that just because his ways are different, it doesn't mean they're bad.

Looking at Jennifer, the fragile-looking boy could not help but smile a little bit. It seemed like she was the only person to really understand how he was feeling. Or at least she tried to understand how he felt. That was more than any other person had ever done to him. She was nice, he liked talking to her. It calmed him somehow, because she did not make him feel as if he was some kind of crazy person. ''If only other people would think like that'', was the only thing he could reply, then he smiled. ''Thank you, though. I appreciate it''

#;jennxbw #;p #;down with the sickness

Down with the sickness // Jenn & Dong Hoon

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"I dont see why people would think its stupid. Everyone has there way of making themselves feel better, and this just happens to be it." Jenn looked around before smiling brightly and giggling. "Bright colors." she nodded as he spoke. "I see... and yes, I am." jenn smiled once more and continued answering. "Why would I leave?"

''I guess because... I'm different. It doesn't always make much sense'', he answered as he shrugged his shoulders once again. He could not help it, but it made him a little awkward talking about it. Probably because no one else ever really wanted to. Jennifer was the first person besides his family that really accepted him the way he was. With everything included. The boy didn't think he would ever find someone like that.

When she asked that, Dong Hoon raised his eyebrows a little. ''Everyone does... when they know what's wrong'', he answered, smiling a little sadly. ''They think I'm dangerous, or they call me crazy'', and he went through his hair. It would not be the first time someone had told him such things.

#;jennxbw #;p #;down with the sickness

Down with the sickness // Jenn & Dong Hoon

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After cleaning, Dong Hoon looked content with himself. He looked calmer than he did when they first walked into his dorm, and that made Jenn smile slightly. She didn't know why, but it just did. She nodded in response to his answer. Jenn had thought about why it was so bright over on his side of the room, but she hadn't thought that that would be the reason why. And now that she thought of it, it made a lot if sense. "Ah~ I see." she nodded once more and smiled some.

Cleaning always got his mind off of the bad stuff, which was why he liked doing this. Having an organized room was a good thing. Maybe he really just should do this more often. The effect it had on him was quite incredible. As he looked over at Jennifer, he could not help but smile a little bit and nodded. ''Some people think it's stupid, but... it helps me'', and he shrugged. ''Sometimes it doesn't... but most of the time it does make it better'', and he went through his hair a little awkwardly. ''You're ehm... the first one to still talk to me after they know all of this''

#;jennxbw #;p #;down with the sickness

Down with the sickness // Jenn & Dong Hoon

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Jenn sighed contently as she looked around the place. Everything was placed where they needed to be, and it didn't even take them that long to finish. Sitting on one side of the other's bed, she watched as Dong Hoon vacuumed the place. "Really? How?"

It calmed him already to know that everything was clean right now. Being in a messy room made him feel a little panicked, somehow. He knew it was strange, but that was just the way things were. As she asked him how they helped, he swallowed a little bit awkwardly. ''Well I... it makes me feel calm'', he started, looking at his feet for a little bit. ''I... it is easier to feel better when I'm surrounded by bright colours'', and he shrugged. Did it sound bizarre to her?

#;jennxbw #;p #;down with the sickness

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