“Fours believe they alone have this tragic flaw, so when they compare themselves to others (which is all the time), they feel inferior. As Richard Rohr puts it, Fours often feel “ruled by a hidden shame.” The joy and completeness others seem to enjoy is a daily reminder of what they themselves lack. There’s a scene in the film version of Wuthering Heights that marvelously portrays a Four’s inner sense of abandonment, loss and separation. The main characters, Catherine and Heathcliff, are standing outside the home of their wealthy neighbors, the Lintons, who are hosting a party. With their noses pressed up against the window glass, Catherine and Heathcliff watch the elegantly dressed guests dance and laugh the night away. It’s clear from the plaintive expressions on their faces that they wish they could join the festivities, but this is as close as they’re going to get. They’re outsiders. Like Heathcliff and Catherine, Fours yearn to join the party of life, but the absence of that fundamental something disqualifies them from getting an invitation. They’ve been exiled to the Island of Misfit Toys through some nameless fault of their own. It’s no surprise that envy is the deadly sin of Fours. They envy the normalcy, happiness and sense of comfort with which others seem to move through life. They instantly spot who has a more interesting life, a happier family or childhood story, a better job, superior taste, a more privileged education, more distinguishing clothes or unrivaled artistic talent. This envy, coupled with their pervasive sense of “irredeemable deficiency,” launches Fours on a never-ending quest to find the missing piece without which they never feel at home in the world. Sadly, by fixating on what’s missing, Fours are blind to what’s present in their lives, namely the many wonderful qualities they already possess. In case you were wondering, envy and jealousy are different. Envy has to do with desiring a characteristic others possess, while jealousy occurs when we feel like something we already possess is at risk of being taken away from us. Though envy is their big sin, Fours experience jealousy as well. For them, jealousy has to do with their fear of abandonment and expresses itself in the possessiveness they feel toward the people they love.”
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