And sometimes it dawns on you.. "I'm not fit for human relationship. If i once thought that I was not made for loud, drunken party, and was okay with that, now I realize I'm not even made for smaller, calmer types of night. I'm not fit for them because I'm invisible, nobody cares if I'm there, nobody interacts with me if not necessary, nobody notices how I'm sad and have not said a single word the whole night. «You still have to meet the right friends» everyone will say. Truth is: I'm tired. Nobody cares, nobody stays, nobody values me, and they might be right. Who would like someone sad, vulnerable, considered adult by the whole world but still so unsure and voluble as me? I, for one, wouldn't. I wouldn't like myself at all. Most of the time i don't. I'm the one good at school, but only halfway through, I'm the one quite okay at everything but good at nothing. I'm the average one, the one that doesn't stand out, never. I'm the one who always feels second, third, fourth, last best. Maybe I'm not even fit to be loved. I'm a mess, source of constant pain, problems, fights. I'm high maintenance, but that is always okay with whatever comes, because I don't deserve any of it. And I'm the one so goddamn tired of trying to be positive, happy, trying to be better because I can't, I'm not. I just want to stay within myself for the rest of my life. Who says I need anything more? I just wanna be fit for something, for once.