(something) @c0rnb0y - Tumblr Blog

Olivier Debré (French, 1920-1999), Brune rouge de Loire, 1985. Oil on canvas, 100 x 100 cm.

RICHARD WRIGHT No title, 2013 Ink on paper 22 13/16 x 19 9/16 inches (58 x 42 cm)

I've been increasingly avoiding social media platforms. I have no desire to create an image of myself for others to absorb and react to. I have a strong disdain for the obligatory social response to “how have you been?” being “I’ve been good.” I'm open with my depression even though my emotional displays are prefaced with a “comical” self-deprication. I have no suicidal thoughts - if I did, I wouldn't think about acting on them. My reasoning is that I deserve the emptiness I've created for myself. I can still change and become a better person, but I'm always going to feel this way. I've made peace with it. My lungs are filled with a bile that I breathe into any room I'm in. I drink too often; not to the point of blacking out, but to the point where I don't actively think about my depression. I'm working on curbing that. I have a friend at school that feels the same way I do. It's refreshing to talk to him because we’ve both accepted how we feel and don't need to convince each other that we should feel otherwise. The moments I feel happiness are temporary; the emptiness I feel is continuous and that's how things are.

I fell apart and took my mind with me. i have been barely sustaining. My pain just marinating. i fell apart and took my mind with me. just a Ghost cloaked in lies with a broken spine. fell apart and took my mind With me. just an unrecognizable creature caught under an avalanche fell apart and took my mind with me. my presence unnerving. im a Shadow always lurking. surrounded by death. even the towel rack Reminds me of the handles pallbearers grip tightly on the way out of Church. what they use to lift you up into the back of that hearse. i see A woman tighten grip on her purse. can’t be offended. she doesnt Know my intentions. she imagines the worst. around here. the Conditions severe. around here. you tightrope between detachment And fear. between the shattered fragments of existence that collapse And appear. never changes. just exacerbates depression deeper year After year. pain weaving in. pain weaving out. heartworms. sharp turns Sparse words. scars burns. i spent a long time dying. dont wake me up Yet. public executions. you’ll never see me upset. forcefed myself with Blow but now i settle for sedatives. no longer in the street. i belong in The crevices. positively negative. popular ive never been. hard to be a Person when you lack the metal requistes. emotionally deficit Consumed with all the wretchedness. not optimist or pessimist. my Politics are in exodus. spouting countless fountains out while drowning In the brine. my lifes the foulest algorithm science can't define. they Trap you in these systems that are phallic in design. because they fuck You in the mind. boy. they fuck you all the time. i fell apart and took My mind with me. being strung up at the ligaments with cultural Derivatives. fell apart and took my mind with me. pronounced dead By a nemesis. a doubt without a benefit. i fell apart and took my mind with Me. just a cluster of atoms thrust deep in a chasm. i feel apart and now Your mind is with me. smoke in your eyes. the worlds a joke in disguise

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