Kanji chewed on his bottom lip, meeting her gaze again and finding nothing but pure concern and a twinge of sadness. He honestly just felt like shit, putting her through all this. He released a sigh at the same time as her, then his heart completely stopped at her confession. He was important to her ? Him ? Kanji Tatsumi ? The infamous delinquent that always looked for trouble ? Important ? Why ? These questions ran through his head and he wound up voicing them.
❛ M-Me ? Important ? Why ? I... I ain’t nothin’
special, Naoto. ❜
Why couldn’t he just accept it ? He wanted someone to care for him, didn’t he ? So why was he trying so hard to push Naoto away ? Maybe it was because he was still completely terrified of women.
He stiffened slightly as the detective came closer to him, then he exhaled a tired sigh, raking a hand through his hair. Fuck it, he was just going to explain everything. Worst case scenario, she’d judge him and tell him to grow up. It sounded horrifying and he hated taking any risks that dealt with his emotions and just him as a person, but, he had to take this one. If not for himself, for her.
❛ ’m tired of runnin’, but s’all I know how to do. I never dealt
with my problems, I ran away instead, an’ I know our
shadows were s’posed to teach us to face ourselves, but,
it’s hard as shit for me. Everyone else had it kin’a easy,
but me, I still struggle with myself. I still hate the other
side of me, even if I accepted it. It’s hard to accept
yourself when others fuckin’ shame you for who you are.
It ain’t fuckin’ fair. It’s complete and utter bullshit. I... I hate
that they ever saw my shadow, because now they just treat
me like shit over it. So I ain’t gonna be myself, I’m gonna
keep runnin’, I’m still gonna fake my tough guy act ‘cause it’s
the only way I can protect myself. ❜
His hands clenched into fists, the anger and hurt boiling over and spilling out of him like a racing river.
❛ Today was just the same bullshit again. Bein’ called all this fuckin’
shit, ‘pussy’, ‘slut’, ‘manwhore’, ‘fag’, ‘moron’, I fuckin’ snapped an’
I did what I do best; I ran away. I’m... I’m so fuckin’ tired of being
treated like this. Like I’m either an idiot or some kin’a slut for not
givin’ a shit about gender when likin’ someone. I just want people
to accept me an’ just leave it at that, but they don’t. They just love
pickin’ on me. ❜
He rubbed at his face, fighting the urge to cry again. He did enough of that today, he was exhausted and emotionally drained.