Kitsch Enthusiast.

🦎🛸 Newt. 30. He/Him. 🛸🦎

[c3rvida3]

Does anyone in Kansas City/Lawrence/Overland Park have any rotating earring/necklace displays that they're trying to sell for relatively cheap (like $10-$15 each would be perfect)? I'd need them by the 13th! Thank you!

[c3rvida3]

The playlist in this dentist office needs to cool its jets. Why are they 3D printing me new teeth and baking them in the oven while "Pocketful of Sunshine" plays full blast. I think I'm receiving visions from inhaling too much of my own tooth dust. Like the Oracle of Delphi except I'm a boy and I'm at the dentist.

[c3rvida3]

They tried to execute me yesterday but my ass was too fat to fit in the electric chair so they just told me to promise I'd stop posting stupid shit. Which I obviously did not agree to.

[c3rvida3]

Do you like my powerful fashion innovations or do you think I should be the first guy sentenced to lifelong Antarctic exile for being kinda gay? No third option.

[c3rvida3]

Obsession (2025) was really scary because what if you took your girlfriend to a party and she did a dramatic reading of her Hansel & Gretel incest fanfiction.

[c3rvida3]

Obsession (the Calvin Klein fragrance for men) is also really scary because it contains synthetic civet that's so effective at attracting big cats that wildlife researchers spray it near trail cams to get better footage. Do NOT wear it on a hike. Potion of getting mauled by a cougar.

[c3rvida3]

Obsession (2025) was really scary because what if you took your girlfriend to a party and she did a dramatic reading of her Hansel & Gretel incest fanfiction.

[c3rvida3]

Semi-rough-draft layout for the worst jacket the world has ever known.

[c3rvida3]

I asked my spouse which part of my body they would harvest to build a perfect Frankenstein monster just so that when they asked me the same question back I could make the really stupid joke of, "I don't know... There's nothing in the textbooks about how to amputate a beautiful laugh..."

[c3rvida3]

I hate when I'm talking shit about someone who uses neopronouns but I have to use they/them instead so that it's not blatantly obvious who I'm talking about. Like, I'm so so so sorry, I think you're the scum of the earth, but I'm not trying to misgender you right now, I just have to place you in the It/Its Protection Program to maintain your dignity and privacy while I'm being a little hater.

[c3rvida3]

Unbelievably compelling art piece in this Lawrence, KS parking garage.

[c3rvida3]

What if the Lawrence, KS parking garage squirrel could beatbox..............

[c3rvida3]

Unbelievably compelling art piece in this Lawrence, KS parking garage.

[c3rvida3]

I'm always mixing up Phineas Gage and Johnny Tremain. Like, I forget which thing happened to which guy and also which one was real, and honestly it comes up way more often than you'd think.

Are there sober queer spaces for people like me?

[dark-magician-girl-meets-world]

I tried distracting a vampire by throwing rice at him, but I only had two grains with me so it didn't work. He counted them instantly. Then he asked me what I was even doing with exactly two grains of rice, and I explained how a bowl of rice tastes better if you spread it out over an entire day. I asked him if he was gonna suck my blood but he said no, he just had a lot more questions about the rice thing.

[c3rvida3]

I made my spouse watch American Mary (2012) for the first time while we were eating lunch the other day and then yesterday I made them watch May (2002) for the first time during our anniversary dinner. I feel like this behavior is not evil and is in fact strengthening our gay marriage by instilling a healthy fear and respect for women within them.

[baldingfemale]

In my early-twenties I was addicted to photoshopping my nudes into Hieronymus Bosch paintings, though there came a point when the cohesiveness of the end products began to offend me

[c3rvida3]

A Blessed Raccoon Birthday Party/Me & Robin's Anniversary to all in observance.

[c3rvida3]

Why is the 2002 Carrie remake so greasy... who was deep-frying mozerella sticks in Vaseline on the set of Carrie (2002) and then touching all the lenses...