Looking back at what my interest years ago wefe. The person I thought id be by now, I feel like I've let myself down. I thought id have a career as a chef but I left that dream entirely. I wanted to travel the world and I did, but not like this. I fly to all these new places but I cant feel anything. I keep hoping one of these new places will bring that feeling back. But if im being honest I cant feel anything. Its like im emotionless. I used to feel like the weight of the universe was on me, I could carry so much in my chest. Now I still carry the heavy stuff but I've locked it in a box. I feel the weight but not the emotions that come with them. When pain was too much id beg to be numb. Somehow it became real and id give anything to feel something. I can cry. I can smile. I can laugh. But its all a mask.
Im not who I wanted to be. I feel worse.
How do I get my spark back? Do I even want it back. I feel like giving up
