❝ That’s.
Not it. That’s not it--not at all--you can’t . . . even . . .
I can’t. I can’t take back what I --❞
They choked--a hiccup in their train of thought. “ I “ was a rare thing to
appear in conversation, the concept of ‘ I ‘ had become near foreign while it
remained true, that, reminding themself there was an I and not just a ‘you’
and seldom ‘we’ forced them to hesitate. It forced them to hesitate rather than to welcome having a choice in the matter of their continued existence behind the confines of their own mind in open arms. The concept of ‘I’ was both frightening to face and refreshing after so long of not physically having the right to it; the same conversation nearly took place multiple times before this and was aborted on the pure instinct of ‘it wouldn’t change anything.’ The timeline was finished, memories of all but two were gone, the only thing left to defend was ‘I’, even if the ‘I’ in question was irrelevant on the account of one’s choice--up until now.
❝ I was scared, and--
I begged you. I begged you to s t o p.
‘Finished it’ you say. A-as if I just got done taking the lives, of nearly half and you finished, like, like . . like some art project. ❞
Frisk shook their head as if they had the ability to shake off the others’ words, as if their form wasn’t limited to the space they were confined and they could simply preoccupy themself with something else and avoid the accusation that lay at their feet on top of the multitude others they’d already placed onto themself l o n g before now.
However, to defend themself against that, it wasn’t the reason why the other took a moment to strike up this conversation; they weren’t the one who had the upperhand or any sort of power. It made them sick; they could be sick day and night and Chara could still do and say whatever they wanted, so it was best to go ahead and comply if Frisk wanted any kind of benefit at the other end.
Talking with Chara was an activity they began to actively avoid, even though it was literally the only thing they could do besides watch each and every passing day through their eyes with words and actions they so desperately
wanted to make clear were no longer their own. There was no such thing as sleep, normal sensations associated with having a body. To somehow try and focus on making their current situation as bearable as possible seemed much more appealing than talking as it always led near the same type of torment. The kind of torment that caused what could be defined as Frisk to draw back and, for the first time in their existence, become silent unless provoked; and the times they found the nerve they were born with, they just spiraled into a sputtering mess and they were about to do it again.
They scoffed, bit their tongue, and let their voice fall but didn’t await the prodding that usually came afterwards.
❝ I’ll. . . I’ll do it. Whatever it is. I’ll do it.
. . . just know . . that isn’t the case at all.
You can’t blame me for not saying yes right away.
I. Just want my body back. ❞
The very idea of finally explaining the time spent on the surface world, to finally be able to indulge in rest, to once again, for a little while, be able to sit down and speak and not be drowned out. To move, to feel the world around them--it filled them with a want, it filled them with additional hope.
❝ I’ll do anything, to be with my friends again--anything. ❞