Caelan.

One day the people who didn't believe in you will tell everyone how they met you.

[caelanpollard]

LOFI

The sounds that once was the background music to our lives has slowly become the records we spin on the turntable

And the books we once cried into have started to yellow around the edges and become tattered.

The friends we once had and conversations we kept have been archived into our memories.

Still you stop to read my heart and know I am still here.

Forever learning, changing, and being remade like our favorite films when we were younger.

Trying to become the cult classic that we can look back on and discover how true we were to ourselves in that time and space.

I pour a glass of wine and find that movie on DVD, I open my journal while that record spins behind everything. Just as I start to write a quote from a book that saved my life enters my mind.

Chapter 1.

[ithinkthereforeidread]

— “suddenly it’s december”, margaux paul

[caelanpollard]

12 YEARS OLD

It’s been over half a decade since my last blog post on here. So much in life has happened and I never once turned back here to capture those moments and thoughts in words. I’ve loved and lost and yet found the greatest love ever.

I’ve had this blog for 12 years now and I recently back tracked to look at all of my teenage angst moments. I’m highly embarrassed but also so proud that I was able to articulate my thoughts. More importantly I wasn’t scared to share those words and ideas with feeling self conscious about it.

I’m getting married to the woman of my dreams in October of 2025 in Italy of all places. I’ve watched God move in my life continuously just as the mountains have remained the same.

I have a career and even though it’s not nursing, it’s without a doubt exactly where I should be. Doing Cardiothoracic surgery, going on bypass, valve replacements, and lung resections. It’s truly moving each day knowing I’m having a hand in saving lives.

I hope I can come back to these moments with nostalgia

I remember where I was when I wrote so much of my earlier poetry. I remember feeling so down and lonely. I remember getting made fun of in high school. All of those little things can’t be replaced. God has kept me. I’m still here and I’ve grown patiently in the waiting and in the quiet. Now life is coming completely full circle, my fiancé sees me. She knows me. Love has never been more real.

I’m looking forward to everything that comes my way.

[thebeautyofbecoming]

[diananock]

Aw, yeah, that’s the good shit.

[midnightruin]

I love abandoned ruins so much

[signalrun-deactivated20190312]

the world taken back by nature is my aesthetic

[caelanpollard]

I'm Here

I scroll through old notes and testimonies on here about myself. Things that I don't reveal to most. I look and see how far I've come yet how much farther I have to go. I read these old passages with an understanding that it took me going there to get here now. I know now that every path isn't the same. All I can do is look back and see how much I begged and pleaded for this to really be me. For this to really become my calling in life. I never knew dreams could really come true until they actually start coming true. On June the 4th I was wait listed for 3 different nursing programs. On June 29th, I received an email that morning confirming that I was finally accepted into Nursing School. It was in that moment that I realized I knew who I was this entire time. Though adversity had been thrown my way and I'm sure there will be plenty more in the next 2 years of school. God gave me the confirmation that I've been seeking for so long. I'm on the path to success and I see no light at the end of the tunnel, because I'm reaching as far as I can. To accomplish finishing nursing school, to become a travel nurse, and eventually a CRNA. While I am now just getting on the train to this destiny. I know I'm farther then I've ever been and I can breathe now with clarity knowing when I'm headed.

[rachelsgreen]

Friends in production, June 1, 1995

[peteneems]

[micdotcom]

The Obamacare vs Trumpcare meme drags the GOP’s replacement health care plan

[caelanpollard]

21 Days

In 21 Days I will have discovered a new purpose for myself I won't be leaning on my own understand but instead running after Gods plan. In 21 Days I will no longer be a sinner trapped in my own cycle But instead a servant in the eye of the sparrow In 21 Days I hope to have peace of mind from my worst fears and temptations And even though I've walked a short walk there will still be thieves in the night In 21 Days I hope to learn so much more about myself and expanding my vision I also want to love others more besides myself, instead of begging for others approval In 21 Days I want to know God more on a daily basis than I do now. So I can never say my day was exhausting until I sit down and talk with Jesus. In 21 Days I will have completed my first prayer and fasting It'll be the first time I've quit relying on myself and instead give the control to my higher power In 21 Days I will be 26 days sober from marijuana And that means the absolute most to me, more than this sentence can ever say In 21 Days I will be a winner For the first time in a long time. I will accomplish something tremendous.

[caelanpollard]

Grey

Sometimes we have to tell ourselves that more is better. More Life, more alcohol, more love, more sex, more anything. Reality can be difficult to swallow sometimes like a really huge pill. Maybe it needs to be split in half for us to swallow and hold down. But it never comes in halves, life is continuous and it steadily moving. So there's no time for doubts or for halfways. There's only time for now and living in it. I watch Grey's Anatomy constantly because it reminds me how much bleak is in the world, and although it's there we have to look past it. Continue to move forward for ourselves and those around us. If they don't see if push forward; how can anyone? Life isn't meant to be spent dawning on every action we do or everything we say. Reflection comes at the end of the day when we lie in bed wondering what could've or maybe should've been. Joy comes in the morning however....

[caelanpollard]

2016

This year has been the ultimate year for adversity. I've had everything thrown my way and while some tasks I've completed and felt great at the end. Here of late I've fallen off the wagon a hundred times ,but yet I still haven't lost hope of who I want to be. I hope 2017 brings more life and love, my way.

[quebroma]

[officialfrenchtoast]

me as a parent.

[daisoki]

[vodkapoetry]

[caelanpollard]

[yuzees]

[jungshoseok]

I know these will all be stories someday. And our pictures will become old photographs. We’ll all become somebody’s mom or dad. But right now these moments are not stories. This is happening. I am here and I am looking at her. And she is so beautiful. I can see it. This one moment when you know you’re not a sad story. You are alive, and you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder. And you’re listening to that song and that drive with the people you love most in this world. And in this moment I swear, we are infinite.