I think I'm scared of being a woman sometimes.
Not like I don't like having boobs and a vag, it's just the way we become when a man comes into our lives... it's weird I feel like a rat with chip installed... like DR Umar was talking about the coonchip, but for women... and the little bit of white brain washing to active it for women is just a little bit of dick. OHH I'M TERRIFIED!!
I just saw this tweet also that describes the weird vibes so much:
And let me tell you bro, this stuff is not fun. I feel like I've transitioned into the part of my life where not having a man doesn't physically and emotionally distress me. When I tell you this stuff used to HAUNT ME?? Like I used to feel terror in the night because I didn't have a man. And it really doesn't help like I'm almost 30 and everyone is getting married which is great but I can't shake the feeling that folks treat getting into romantic relationships like it being a huge sigh of relief like when we all got into universities?
Like this is the big milestone, and without it everyone acts like you're gonna end up ... somewhere in the bin of life or something idk... but I know it's false prophecy because a degree can get you some money but a marriage/partnering is sex access security, home sharing security, always having someone there security so you'll always have someone around which is lovely yes it is I want those things too.
But I really feel like i'm in the first wave of panic about it you know? Like everyone is scared of being alone the same level as they are scared of being uneducated and unemployed. OR is everyone acting like that because they are dissatisfied with how much education didn't get them that far or that they didn't get the best education so romantic conquest becomes like the second best thing?
Like people straight out of uni were talking crazy, people wanted to be rich yesterday and some of the companies yeah they made sure the people were getting shares, tech jobs were booming so it looked like everybody and their momma was gonna be a rich bitch you know? People got a taste of adult money and LOST THEIR MINDS... I can attest to it I lost mine too damn. But was I ready for adult responsibility? That one I’m still practicing, it’s whoo job but also taxes, bills, long term planning etc. Also possibly alcoholism or some kind of substance abuse.
In all honesty I feel the fear too but I don't know how much of it is mine and how much the other half belongs to the collective.
But so far I'm not afraid of being alone, but I don't enjoy feeling alone. And being asked if I'm partnered or if I have any boy stories makes me feel alone... (this is not a groundbreaking realization but the questions aren't coming from my family it's coming from my friends, my chosen family makes me feel isolated.. Aqua 4th house can be so bleak)
I know how validating it is to be romantically desired, but I know it's not everything but people, in casual conversation position it as if it is, and they dangle it in front of you as if begging for your envy... It's really uncomfortable.
I love, romantic love it's my favourite because I really love having sex (I have a Venus conjunct mars, I wanna boink from sunrise to sunset I WANNA DO THE DEED MAN I WANNA BUmp UGleeees) but in love, the only fun sex is in love, safe, devoted and loyal sex.
It's so fun but even I have been a perpetrator of that bullshit question, I meet a guy and for some reason at each "friendship congregation" I must submit my perfect love for discussion. I've been celibate for like 2 years and I'm wondering if I would do that still if I had a guy? Who's to say?
Anyway I'm forcing myself to get over it really, because I don't think being single should be the thing that sends me over the edge because it's like low hanging fruit for our current socio/economic climate you know? I'm not sad that I'm single but I do feel like the marriage panic wants me to be sad that I'm single?
And I don't want to be like the people on TikTok bragging about being alone either... I want to find the third thing of just living life like a hot fly rich guy, no one really gives a fuck what he's doing he can be single, he can drive super fast sports cars, he can have 50 girlfriends or none, be gay on the weekend and straight mondays to friday, he can be like anyone until he's like 70 you know? He can have adventure and focus on being beautiful, he can read poetry and spend most of his life doing WHAT EVER. And I think that's the third thing while the rest of us panic about who we get to legally share our genitals with for a period of time. Does that make sense?
I just feel like I really don't want anyone activating my "mate with a man asap" chip oh my gosh it sucks too because I have a cancer venus and mars (in conjunction) and I'm a scorpio rising so I dooo unfortunately want those things and omfg so embarassing sometimes even I CAN BE A PICK ME.
But to keep a man too OH WHAT A FUCKING CHORE!!!!
Like I've seen what the girls have to put up with when it comes to men, once they incubate together, men can be soooo dirty y'all I'm sorry oh god once I had to ask my boyfriend to clean the toilet after he took a shit are you serious (I WAS 22!!!!!) I was like you dirty bitch? But some people have that all the time and he might even say some crazy shit like "you clean it up"
PARDON??????? HELLLOO OPERATOR????
But don't worry I've actually dated really clean men too one had a BMW, the other one had a FUCKING CASTLE ... so the point is I sadly do want to be with a man the nice clean ones that I was dating, but I'm sooo lazy it's not like my biggeest priority and also I don't want anyone to ask me that dumb ass question of if I’m seeing someone, if I were I’d have that I just got boinked lewk. Like I'm soooo tired dude:/ I just wish the clean ones would spin the block so I don't have to put up with this BULLSHIIIIT, I don't want to go on a date with Mr Surprise I leave shit stains on the fucking toilet after my morning dump. I want A FUCKING CASTLE AND I WANNA CRUISE AROUND AND BOINK IN A BEEMER DAMN IT!!! AND ION WANT NO KIDS EITHER I WAS BORN TO BE SKINNY AND SEXY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really need to get my ass to the gym too, this heatwave is screwing with my swagger, I HAVE ONE LIFE I WILL LIVE IT OUT SEXY, SKINNY AND BEAUTIFUUUUUULLLLLLL
