you are perfect porcelain

🖤

[push-ups-in-swaag]

BREATHE. BREATHE. COME TO ME. COME UP FOR AIR. JUST STOP AND BREATHE. DONT GO. DOWN. FURTHER DOWN. COME UP FOR AIR. COME BACK TO ME. WAKE UP. NOW. FURTHER DOWN. COME UP FOR AIR. COME UP FOR AIR. BREATHE. BREATHE BACK TO ME. COME UP FOR AIR. JUST STOP AND BREATHE. DONT GO. DOWN. FURTHER DOWN. COME UP FOR AIR. COME BACK TO ME BACK TO ME. BREATHE. BREATHE. BACK TO ME. BREATHE. BREATHE. BACK TO ME. BREATHE. BREATHE. BACK TO ME. BREATHE. BREATHE. BACK TO ME. BREATHE. BRE

[4ngelwings]

daniel’s guitars

[popmusicu]

Neon Ballroom: a lyric appreciation

Many bands frontman has suffered from stardom once it gets too much, too fast. Many of them, as songwriters, nourish their compositions with lyricism related to their problems with fame and how they handle it. I’d like to talk about an album –and band– with such lyricism, above anything I’d ever heard, that amazes me everytime I press play on it.

Silverchair were an Australian rock band from 1992 until 2011, when members Daniel Johns, Ben Gillies and Chris Joannou posted on their webpage that the band was taking an indefinite hiatus. To put it short, they no longer liked each other. And this happens more than you’d like to think to many bands and music projects, but it was also an issue as old as 1999, the year of the release of the band’s 3rd album “Neon Ballroom”. I decided to talk about this album because I believe it’s the most introspective album by Silverchair, written by a 19 year old Johns, revealing his personal struggles and battles to the world at such a young age and not holding back. Even though this is not my favorite album by the band (my favorite being released 3 years later), I hold special care to this one, cause it showed a shift of sound compared to the previous debut and sophomore successful albums of the Australian trio (which I would like to talk about in another post). 

Silverchair “Neon Ballroom” Album cover.

Without further ado, and a much necessary introduction to the band, Neon Ballroom. Neon Ballroom was a breath of fresh air, since it helped to distance the band from the previous remarks of “grunge” sound that they adopted in their earlier works. This album is a perfect balance between Heavy and Melodic Rock, Metal, Punk, Progressive Rock, and with the introduction of orchestral arrangements, it’s an overall Alternative Rock Album Masterpiece. What really strikes out to me are the lyrics, which I previously teased are the main subject in this essay. It’s not like Johns didn’t write personal dark lyrics before, since he writes about life experiences or dreams he’s had, but he was a teenager then, and by this time, he experienced fame for 5 years first hand and the struggles that come with it start to peak out. 

Johns expresses direct, raw and genuine reflection on what was going through his head. He previously manifested that he wrote this record approaching the lyrics first rather than the music; he wrote poems that ended up being words into the songs, which I believe is the magic behind the record. 

  For this post, I will mention 3 major songs from the record, which I believe show the lyric work to its fullness. 

  The intro song, Emotion Sickness, should have its own essay. Seriously, I can’t begin to imagine a better opening to an album. In 6 minutes, the epic-like song goes from a lavish orchestra arrangement, to heavy drums and Johns fluctuating between high notes and raw aggressive yet perfect vocals, from really intense to quiet, just like emotions do.

  The lyrics refer to an addiction, to my interpretation, antidepressants or depression itself. “Erupt again, ignore the pill, and I won’t let it show”, the subject denies their need to get some kind of medication, convincing themselves that they don’t need it. “Distorted eyes, when everything is clearly dying” hopeless in their depression, knowing that maybe because of it, things will be over sooner than later. “Burns my knees and pray” followed by “Get up” repeatedly and “Won’t you stop my pain”, express their desperate need to pull themselves out of it, trusting the drugs to help seize their current situation and break free from their burdens.

  As I said earlier, Johns by this time had more pressure on his shoulders; he was no longer hanging out with the other band members and isolated himself, which resulted in the first sighting of a hiatus from the band, stated before. He battled fame on his own, possibly because he was the frontman and received most criticism from the media. I appreciate how vulnerable and genuine Johns expresses his struggles in Emotion Sickness, from what I understand is a fan favorite, which results in either empathy from the listeners to a full-blown connection to it. 

Daniel Johns in 1999.

By the time Ana’s Song (Open Fire) starts playing, another major subject gets mentioned; Daniel Johns opens up about his Anorexia Nervosa caused by anxiety and depression that came with stardom. Now, when I first got into Silverchair and I listened to this song, I got caught off guard by the content of it, since I don’t think by that time I’ve heard male celebrities talking about eating disorders, much less their own. Johns seems to be very honest in his work and doesn’t hold back, which is why I fell in love with their music (and the composition, of course).

  Back to Ana’s Song, Johns sings from the first second “Please die Ana” followed by “And I need you now somehow” he states he wants Ana to leave him alone, but then again, seems like he’s addicted to it, like a drug taking control over him. “Open fire, on my knees desire what I need from you” another lyric that emphasizes his addiction, almost devotedly for him to be on his knees, and stated once again “And you’re my obsession, I love you to the bone”. He loves it even though he knows it’s not a good thing.

  The lyrics could be seen as basic, but for me they are brilliant. Johns doesn’t need much analogy to get his message abroad. I can’t help but get a little emotional when I hear it for the obvious sad message behind it, but also because it’s very comforting, as far as releasing this song to raise awareness into the matter, to put yourself out as “weak” in the late 90’s, and choosing the song to be a single on the record, it’s a brave move for a band of 19 year old members. To end things on a light note, Daniel Johns has long since overcome the disease.

  Finally, the last song I’d like to mention is Spawn (Again). This song has pure Punk elements in it, very aggressive composition and vocals that go from whispers to screams in agony. It’s also a pro-vegan animal liberation song, which shows Johns’ passion and empathy towards animal rights, as he was at that time, vegan. This song doesn’t have much to do with the previous subject mentioned, which is the mental struggles that came with fame, but to me is an anthem and another demonstration of the band’s principles that I closely admire.

  “Why can’t the livestock be free” expressed with anger, questions the millions of animals that are held hostage in farms throughout their lives, bred until they take their meat, fur, eggs, etc. “These are the facts, so eat what you murder” followed by “This is animal liberation, eight billion killed for human pleasure”, Johns doesn’t hold back and tells the listener explicitly his vision on meat consumers, disgusted by an industry that runs on killing another living being to fulfill selfish pleases.“The time has come, to make a decision” in my eyes, the writer invites the listener to question this industry and to either turn a blind eye, or join the animal liberation previously mentioned. 

  As harsh as these lyrics seem, the activism shown amazes me once again. The dark heavy approach hits the listener from the words to the arrangement of drums, guitar and bass, a total blast of rage to get you in the mood. Even if you’re not vegan or vegetarian, you might as well drop the fur coats or leather bags. 

  Silverchair in 1999.

Silverchair is one of the most acclaimed Australian acts of all time, along with Neon Ballroom being considered one of the best Australian albums ever released, and other major recognitions like one of the best albums in 1999 overall. 

  I encourage you to listen to this album from start to finish, and get to know Silverchair a little more, you won’t regret it.

Emilia Vera

[cailyandthejets]

hi <3

hi <3

[thehuntfortrencherlostmedia]

The Magnum Opus, Masterpiece Theatre - A Marianas Trench Retrospective

Man... this is a HARD review to write. Masterpiece was my formal introduction to Trench, the album that made me a fan and made me hooked on them for more than half my life. It's always stuck with me and has become of my most listened albums of all time. This guy was on repeat SO MUCH that my original copy sadly has a error occur on Good To You xD But yeah, to get back to the title of this piece, what is a magnum opus? It means a large and important work of art... usually seen as the most important work of an artist or writer. And that certainly fits this album. This is where Josh opted to lean more into the pop side of rock, and wasn't afraid to get experimental. This album consist of a protagonist getting ready to perform after breaking it big, and reflecting on both his past and his present while he does so.

Masterpiece Threate I eases you into this universe, talking about how the actor puts on a performance for the audience, and he worries it might slowly drain him and make him lose who he is. (This will be touched on a lot more during the second portion of the album) We then oddly head into a trio that can only be described as the Honeymoon phase of a relationship, our protag pleading with a girl that he wants to commit to her fully, that he'll do anything for her, and that he misses her when he's on the road performing like crazy. All To Myself is punchy and aggressive, Cross My Heart is catchy as fuck (the CLAPS as percussion is what sells the song for me) & Beside You is a more somber and orchestral ballad that shows the bands love for those elements. We then have our first look into the past of the actor, reminiscing about his childhood home and the memories he made there, but also how it's all gone now... even if he sometimes reminisces about the nostalgia. Acadia is one of those songs where I feel like Josh gets shocked fans love it to much, but it's such a deep, emotional track... everyone gushes about childhood memories like that, even if they were REALLY DUMB in hindsight. Our Intermission Track is all about the fears and worries that come with fame. Not wanting to deal with the media, wishing he could hide himself and also not wanting to hurt his love... scared that they'll hurt her as much as they attempt to hurt him if she's in the limelight. Then we get to my personal favourite song off the record, Sing Sing. I've gushed about this track in a personal piece, but man... every time I play it, I see how it's both a reflection of the media telling him to shut up and sing... but also how singing was his coping mechanism during his stint in rehab. You can see how Still Angr evolved into this... while that was more a track about a bitter breakup and wanting revenge on the girl, this track is just UNFF to my ears. Then... we have a return to the Relationship stuff with Good To You, which feels so OUT OF PLACE here. Don't get me wrong, I love this song (if anything, seek out the demo dueted by Tania Hancheroff, it's a more stripped down version of the tune and it's brilliant), but I wonder if swapping it and Acadia for one another would've been a smart decision. Celebrity Status and Perfect are a great duo of tracks talking all about fame and how it eats at you. Being a perfectionist, Josh wants to make sure his stuff is as good as possible, but also know that if he isn't careful, this industry will chew you up and spit you out. Also, gotta love the callback to Sicker Things... such a good line, repurposed here brilliantly. Now, it's confession time: For the longest time, I didn't get Lover Dearest, but that was because I didn't know about Josh's heroin addiction. When I learned about it... holy cow did this song grow on me so much. Talking about his addiction like a toxic relationship... but knowing it needs to end for the best of the two of them... it's literally made me cry a few times. And lastly, our final crescendo, Masterpiece Theatre III. And what can I say about this song that hasn't been said by so many others before me? Seriously. This... is just magical. People call it a Bohemian Rhaposdy of the modern age, and while it is in many aspects, it's also it's own thing that showcases where the band was headed... leaning more into theatrics, harmonies and showcasing Josh's vocal range. Of course, Josh leaned into that hard.. going into a phase full of magic and whimsy. And what better way to tell that than a fairytale?

[existential-undead]

[hana-loves-bumblebees]

Me every time Marianas Trench pulls up with another gorgeous angelic eargasmic “you’re beautiful”

[dkafterdark]

some nights you're haunted by the goo goo dolls and have to resign yourself to inarticulate yearning

[cailyandthejets]

no one asked for this, no one even follows me yet ANYWAYS here are my favorite parts of the ramsay fiction songs:

shiny like dirt: „I‘m coming up for AIIIIIRRRRRR“

hideous: „can someone please stand up for me? can someone please look out for me?“ „i think i deserve not to hear voicceeeesss“ + the quiet whispering in the background UGH i just wanna give him a hug, the sheer angsty-ness in this voice

don‘t touch me: okay the intro already makes me cry okkk also the alibis bridge GODDDD!

push you up/skin & bones: do i even need to say anything? i discovered mt through skin & bones and it will always be my favorite song cause DAMN did it strike a chord when i discovered it. I love the ramsay version too cause it‘s so…unpolished, so raw

still angry: „NEXT TIME YOU HURT ME, I‘LL HURT YOU BACK“ also SING SING!

playing dead: the layered harmonies at the end ughhhh

shallow: damn great guitar work, the little solo scratches my brain. also the higher sung shalLOWWW at the end

[cailyandthejets]

the part of ramsay fiction‘s hideous where he sings "i think i deserve not to hear voiceeeeeessss" is literally cathartic, GOD it makes me weep, the dissonance in the voices are PERFECT

also the "it won‘t be long now" part is killing me

[thehuntfortrencherlostmedia]

The Origins, Ramsay Fiction & The Confusing Mishmash of Everything Before Fix Me - A Marianas Trench Retrospective

Okay, so my post got likes, but I only got one actual response from anyone, agreeing with me on the fact they like things in chronological order. So, I guess it's time to talk about the bands early days, eh?

The truth of the matter is, the band as many know them started in late 2003 and early 2004. Anything before that gets placed in this weird murky middle section with a name change, members leaving, and also a complete and utter mess of when Ramsay Fiction came to an end and where Marianas Trench begins. We have located a demo disk from 2001 with the Marianas name on it, but we also don't have any dates as to when certain things were recorded or uploaded onto MP3.com.

Here's what we do know: Josh Ramsay, a teenager dealing with both an addiction to heroin and an eating disorder, loved music from a young age. His father owned a recording studio, and his mother was a vocal coach. Music was literally in his blood, but even though the two had connections into the industry and everything, he set out to make it into the business on his own. And he knew one thing for certain: He DID NOT want to be a solo act, he wanted to be in a band.

The issue for Josh was getting that band together. At first, it was him and his sister Sara (backup vocals), her then boyfriend and later husband Trevor Spilchen (on bass, even though he was a guitar player), Josh's friend Steve Marshall (on guitar and backup vocals, despite being a BASSIST), and a rotating list of drummers, eventually finding Ian Casselman in a series of classifieds in a newspaper late into the bands life. This lineup didn't last long, as once Sara became pregnant with her and Trevor's first kid, they stepped aside... leading to 2 new members joining: Josh's friend Matt Webb (originally a keyboardist), and Steve's pal Morgan Hempstead (the man who bestowed them the Marianas Trench name). It's tough to say who plays what on a lot of the Ramsay Fiction tracks that make up Cooler Than Me, as I think they come from two different recording sessions, if not more. Same goes for a lot of the self-titled EP work too, as we know at least two tracks from that era, an early recording of Fix Me, and a early recording of Skin & Bones, were both first made public to people in 2004... months after Steve and Morgan left, and Mike Ayley joined the group after getting to know everyone as Ian's roommate.

In fact, for the longest time, a lot of the Ramsay Fiction stuff was lost media, songs that nobody outside of a rare few had ever heard. As of April 1st this year, this is no longer the case, and all the songs have been found and preserved (yes, even PMS... despite it being taken off Youtube, has been saved.)

To talk about these songs is hard. There's definitely a lot of emotion and pain in these tracks, and the overall sound is very 90's, going for more of heavy grunge and alternate rock sound, very reminiscent of Matthew Goode. But you can also hear those other elements creep in from other acts Josh has referenced time and time throughout in small snippets. The biggest thing holding a lot of these songs back is a mix of production (which is still insanely impressive for the time period and the fact it was done by a teen no less), and lyrical ckunkiness, making them semi hard to decipher.

What do I mean by this? Take track 1, the one everyone knows: Primetime. The song's verses speak about how something is this, but the person is the opposite... bu we don't get a clear picture of who the person is.. only that supposedly a hit of heroin will make everything feel better. It's odd that this is the song that's somehow lasted the test of time out of all these tracks. But hey, it did lead to a great callback on End of An Era.

Track 2, Shiny Like Dirt (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bG-OoIsFbow), is truly a song where Josh took a ton of ideas he had for songs, and threw it against the wall to see if it would stick. And... it does stick, but also doesn't? The chorus is super catchy, basically admitting he's a confusing person, and that nothing he does makes sense... and yet, despite it all, he still has fears of the unknown. The "coming up for air" bridge is probably my favourite part, but it's definitely an earworm I return to occasionally. I've also linked it in case you've yet to hear it.

Track 3: Shallow. The song we've known about for the longest time, the one the fandom cherished like a baby... and honestly, it's probably my least favourite? I've tried to decipher the lyrics on this one for ages, but I can't come up with anything concrete. I do think the song has a good tone, and the guitar solo is totally awesome. In fact, there's a lot of great guitar and bass work throughout a lot of these songs. But there's something missing for me on this one.

Track 4: Playing Dead. This seems to be the earliest recorded song of this bunch, going off Josh's voice here. And honestly, I think it's the closest tonally to a current day Marianas Trench song. There's a bit of a swing sound going on in the drums, the harmonies.... and it's an interesting number overall. Also, it's our clearest sampling of Steve's voice, and just how close it is to Matt's vocals xD... it seems to be a simple love song about a girl and how he's open to roleplaying almost anything with her, using "playing dead" as his main metaphor. It's the black sheep of the CD, but a good one.

Track 5: Hideous. Here we go... the first track Josh ever wrote about his bulimia and depression... and how it was eating him from the inside... and how he was asking for help, even though he wasn't fully ready to accept it at the time. The beginning parts are very slow, and methodical.... only for the song to pick up energy in it's second half and become truly one of the standouts on this album.

Track 6: PMS. Okay... so... this one is tough to talk about. We knew for years it was supposedly very comedic in nature and that it was also politically incorrect, but that was it. For those of you who still have not heard it, there's a copy of it in this Discord server in the links and archive section: https://discord.gg/d5M3xVN9

As for the song itself, I personally really love it. It's a song about Josh being petty to a girl and truthfully telling her off. It's definitely of its time period, but in the best way possible. And once again, the guitar work here is SO GOOD. If you can stomach a song that truly is a time capsule and understand that Josh would never write anything as juvenile today, give it a listen.

Track 7: Don't Touch Me. The song that holds a special place in my heart... as I was the one to LOCATE IT after 18 years in the massive pile of MP3.com links that were given to the Internet Archive in 2021. And it's a ballad all about Josh dealing with both the arguments and turmoil he would feel when coming down from getting high. Truthfully, this might be the most emotional song of this batch, and one that definitely sticks its landing.

So, my overall thoughts here are to give these songs a listen, and understand them for what they are: the start of a musical prodigy finding his footing and his sense of style while getting clean and hoping somebody, anybody, would give him a chance. While the tone might not have influenced Josh’s style fully going forward, there are elements from these songs that were taken and repurposed into later Trench tracks.

Luckily, and also sadly... Jonathan Simkin & Chad Kroeger gave him that chance. And thus, we got ourselves a self titled EP... and a full title debut. But that'll be next time.

[doodlepede]

Astoria and Ever After are such great albums i cant believe im alone in this world

[snoof-is-a-bug-enjoyer]

im totally normal about this song

yeah.. yeah totally normal

[cailyandthejets]

La Tonya (Album Version) by Paula Cole on Apple Music

Song · 1999 · Duration 6:13

can we collectively listen to paula cole more?? she's such an underrated artist and songwriter

[amiiancasselmanyet]

Fix Me is a Mid 2000's Classic, You're Just Not From Canada

before I start this essay series, I would like to clarify that this is NOT a series of reviews but just me genuinely expressing my feelings I have towards the albums in question because I’m a highschool dropout…bon appetite or whatever

also tw for eating disorders, self harm, general mental illness and addiction but this is fix me, you probably knew that

When most people think about early to mid 2000s rock albums that became staples and bands that became household names, there's a few that genuinely come to mind. Let’s get the “emo trinity” out of the way; From Under The Cork Tree was Fall Out Boys sophomore album from 2005 that is still widely loved for good reason. The songs are good and the lyrics hit when you least expect it. Every. Single. Time. Then, of course, we have The Black Parade. I cannot express my love of this album enough, it is quite literally my all time favorite and while Three Cheers has a more solid concept (man kills other men to try and get his lover back, homosexual antics ensues), there's a reason it’s arguably their most well known and beloved by the kids who used to bully you in middle school. Of course we have A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out coming in right after this, there’s not much I can say since this album truly deserves it’s own essay that I won't manage to write (Ryan Ross please come back the kids and I miss you) but, like the other albums, it's a STAPLE at Emo Nites and Emo Nite knockoffs (shout out to Sneaky Dees in Toronto). There is, however, an album among them that's a hidden gem due to the fact that . Fix Me was the debut studio album from Marianas Trench, arriving in 2006. This album stands out from the others in a lot of ways, its sound, its vulnerability and its general lack of a concept. This album was a shot in the dark and a testament to taking chances. Let's talk about it. 

If you’re even a little bit familiar with Marianas Trench (you definitely are because you are on a blog dedicated to the drummer, my beloved bias Ian Casselman), the sound you’re used to most likely isn’t here. This album is gritty, it’s production is grungy. When you look at the other albums at face value, it stands out as nothing like the rest. If you dig deeper, however, you realize that this album truly was the foundation of what was to come. The guitar heavy sound continues throughout the discography, even if it feels less clean than its successors. It adds to the aggression a lot of the songs have, it makes the lyrics hit harder. It was too rock for the pop charts but too pop for the rock charts.(I’m pretty sure Josh said that but this thing isn’t getting a bibliography, this is a more sophisticated shit post on a blog that, again, focuses on the silly drummer with mutton chops) While the sound is incredible, the true core of the album lies in its vulnerability.

Fix Me is essentially an auditory diary, with each track feeling like a new entry. There are themes focusing on the actual struggles Josh Ramsay dealt with at the time. There’s a lot about addiction (specifically heroin), self harm, eating disorders (specifically bulimia) and general depression. It's angsty. It's difficult  to hear at times. You're not supposed to get personal during essays but this is literally on a blog where I refer to the followers as “casselman nation”, it’s a lawless land and fuck you I’ll do what I want. This album, at its core, felt like it was almost a diary entry from a younger me. 

14 year old me was very different from the current me, I had a different name entirely, a different outlook on life and a lot of things that shaped me today had not happened yet. I was unmedicated and everyone else's problem. If you ever scroll down on the personal tag of my main (you WILL NOT, you DO NOT need to see my digital footprint and angst), you'll notice that there's a lot of themes on this album that pertained to me at that time. I was VERY depressed, undiagnosed bipolar 2, bulimic and…doing things in school bathrooms I shouldn't have with items from my art class I shouldn't have had access to in that state (not going to elaborate, I’m sure you get where I’m going). When you deal with those things head on, you tend to, from experience, seek out public figures, whether it be musicians or celebrities or youtubers (shout out to Dan and Phil lmao) who have similar experiences that you had. For me, a big one from the get go was Marianas Trench. There’s something oddly comforting in not only knowing you’re not only alone but that you’re ALSO going to survive. I truly wish I was able to hug 14 year old me but I also know that they’d be proud that I DIDN’T do the thing I wanted to do before I turned 17.

There’s another reason Fix Me is truly removed from other albums and it truly feels like the biggest component; there's no concept. Fix Me has its own identity but it's not through a story or through successful singles, it's through the fact that it has none of it. It shines through its simplicity, its impact is through the way it can stand alone. It’s an album by the band that could be, and should be at times, put on shuffle. It’s an album where you can pick any song, off the top of your head, and listen to it when you’re feeling angry or sad or full of unbridled angst. Sure, you CAN listen to other songs on other albums one at a time, Masterpiece Theatre is the first on I can think of off the top of my head, however, would you want to? Would you want to listen to The End of An Era and have it followed up with a song like This Means War? It 100% kills the immersive nature that the band has carefully crafted over the last 20 years. (yes they’ve been a band that long considering the fix me bsides are from 2001, yes it makes me feel geriatric) I think the biggest reason that it personally hits every mark imaginable for a grungy punk record is the fact that there is no secret meaning hidden in each song, its open and honest from the get go. It’s raw, real and does exactly what it needs to do.

Through its sound, its ability to be honest and vulnerable in its writing and the easily accessible material, it's a staple. Shake Tramp belongs in an Emo Nite just as much as something like Sugar We’re Going Down and more than Welcome to the Black Parade (I love that song but it doesn’t fit the vibe as well as House of Wolves or The Sharpest Lives, Emo Nite is just catering to the normies and preps). Decided to Break Its video should be as beloved as I Write Sins Not Tragedies. Marianas Trench deserve their flowers for being such a staple in the lives of canadian teens who are struggling, the adults who want to comfort their inner teen selves and those who, in general, are feeling small.

[hellahezz]

Don't mind me, just thinking about the contrast between the angry and frustrated screaming lyrics in Low from Fix Me

and how they return, this time softly and gently, in End of an Era in Astoria

Living embodiment of "Growth and healing doesn't mean never feeling bad or relapsing emotionally, it means it's just not as loud as it used to be"

[idle-hands]

And also the contrast between "it should have been easy" implying a sense of guilt and responsibility for the way things are vs "wish this was easy" which accepts that it's not his fault. It still sucks and it could be better, but it's not his fault

It makes me ill

[sapphire-and-opalite]

I'm all figured out

Or maybe I just like how that sounds